Helping my son learn when he is not interested.

[dadyp]

My DS is 5 (May born), and is now in year 1 at school.

He was always a "young" child and only really started speaking properly at 4 - when he started school he was certainly one of the smallest in his class - he also is a real daydreamer and has very limited focus.

I have been quite active in his school life and helped in the class for a hour a week which really helped me understand what they were teaching him. I also took advice from the teacher and every morning before school I would spend 10-20 minutes "learning" with him, practicing phonics, reading and writing. With me helping him we really saw an improvement.

However whilst at first he was happy to do this learning with me, he has gradually got bored of it... I know that whatever you do you should keep it "fun" but I just don't seem to have the imagination to come up with fun ways to keep him interested.... Nowadays I am doing almost no "learning " with him (I read with him but he won't read himself just asks me to read) as he simply isn't interested... and the effect is I can clearly see how is is going backwards, the phonics he knew are mainly lost - he struggles to read simple words and it just breaks my heart.

However I'm lost on what to do? This sort of thing just doesn't seem to come naturally to me (I am in awe of some parents (usually mums)) who just have the patience of the saint and can make up amazingly fun games and I can see their children thrive! Which of course makes me feel even worst that I cannot seem to do enough for my son! Any tips and suggestions on how to make such learning fun with a child who has a low concentration level would be gratefully received!

Perhaps relax a little, at least for a while. He is at school all day. That's exhausting enough for many children. Most European countries don't start any formal schooling until 6, some not till 7.

They have to in England, because English spelling is beastly and makes learning to read and write much harder than in other languages, but there is no need to keep pushing English-speaking children quite so hard as many get pushed now. I sometimes wonder how many of those who are currently at primary school will end up hating all learning because of it. Things have been going from bad to much worse over the past decade. The starting age for formal learning use to be around 5. Now it's closer to 4.

I'd take cues from him about what he's interested in- for eg if you makes a cake together from a recipe you can do some number work in weighing, and ask him to read some words from the recipe. Get non fiction books from the library on topics he's interested in and read them together. I have found that if you try and do things which are too far removed from what DS is interested in, it will seem too much like school and he won't want to do anything.

You sound like you are really trying to help your son and I think that's great. I do feel that maybe every morning before school might have been a little too much - I'd start with 10 minutes every other day and see how you get on.

There are lots of educational 'apps' if you have an I phone or an I pad? My son learnt a lot of phonics and spelling through these games - maybe your son would enjoy this more? If you think it would help I'm sure we could recommend lots for you.

Games you could play to help with reading or word recognition include writing words on cards, putting them around the room and asking him to 'sploosh' the word cat or something - or with ds we put words in his toy cars and he had to go and collect a word and also the car - he loved tha game!

But I agree he's still really young - you could have a word with his teachers if you're worried at all.

Good luck!

Perhaps try just focusing on phonics for the moment. I am not saying the other things aren't important but just focus on that and getting him secure in them before adding in writing and so on.

as a very bad parent I would also go with bribery. 'if you do a few minutes of reading/phonics practice with mummy you can have a sweet/point/add up to something at the weekend' I am pretty sure bribery is the key to parenting (well I am trying to convince myself of that)

I have several tips for you to see if any work for you:

Go along to a bookshop that does edcational books and find one or two you both like to work from; preferably one that is bright, has wizards or animals in it and has stickers to collect.

Pick a teddy to work along side him. This is useful for "making sure teddy understands" and takes the pressure off him feeling he has to learn.

Get a sticker sheet for him to collect stars.

Get him to indicate how much he has understood something using thumbs up, thumbs down or somewhere in between. This will help him see learning is about developing understanding and will improve with time.

Stop when he wants to stop. I know from experience the words "I'll just finish this section" are never wise ones.

Hope you find something in this helpful.

Thanks for all the responses - I think going to a bookshop is a good idea, I have tried reward charts which seems to work for a short while.... but then he looses attention!

I think the transition to Y1 is often a difficult time, especially (only going by my dds' classes at that stage) some of the younger boys. It really is a transition though - and like all phases, very likely to pass, so try not to worry.

When my dd1 went through 'don't want to learn phases' I learned a) to back off a lot and b) to try utterly different ways of learning. She learned the times tables bouncing on the trampoline with me, shouting one out on each bounce, for example. We made it active, and it worked a lot better (this was in Y3, not advocating tables in Y1!!).

Maybe try something similarly active with phonics? Not going to suggest specifics, as what works for your ds will depend on what he really enjoys doing - but you get the gist.

But honestly, its not even half term of the first term in Y1. He will be able to pick it all up again, he may just need to be focussing on adjusting at the moment.

Hi -
As others have said, try to involve subjects or activities he enjoys and is really interested in (hoping that there are some things he likes!)

Might there possibly be any medical issues? Is his hearing and sight all right? Have there been any changes in his life at home that are unsettling him?

Reading isn't the only subject; what is he like at Numeracy? Is he confident and reasonably happy in the class, and does he join in with PE, games, music, drama, arts & crafts, and the many other subjects that do start to be a bit more formal and structured in Yr1, compared to the 'play' in Reception.

To help with reading and phonics I am always recommending the Oxford Phonics Spelling Dictionary which is under £7 from Amazon. It presents words in order of SOUND, not by letter as in a 'normal' dictionary, and also has lots of hints and tips to make words and spelling more entertaining and understandable. You can see sample pages from it HERE:

He's only wee. Back right off. I agree with the poster who pointed out we start formal learning way early.

If he only started speaking well at 4, he's done fantastically well. Step right away from formal learning after and before school and relax. Sure, you can sound out words to yourself when you are reading to him, let him read if he chooses to. Pop phonics into everyday things, with NO PRESSURE. Walk to school and read signs. But don't pressure him. My DD is also a late Summer born going into year 1, and she's on her knees by Friday. There's no way we read every night. We have stories, yes, but she isn't in a fit state to do much after school. And before school is rushed. Just leave it for this term and concentrate on supporting what he's doing in school by listening, reading to him, and letting him settle and rest.

It's astonishing to me that people think there's something "wrong" if a Summer born lad isn't wanting to learn after school as well as during it. The school day is massively long at 5, and they come home absolutely overloaded. Plus, he's just transistioned from mostly play based learning to a mix of different styles, with new people, new teacher and so on. It's very normal not to progress much in the first half term.

Don't "kill" learning. Play, measure things cooking, read out signs and notices, enjoy your weekend and evenings and let him settle into year one without stressing.

Seriously, mumsnet is great for most things but for seeing what "normal" kids attain in various years, it's totally skewed.

I also have a reluctant reader who is 5, who was also very late in talking. As a teacher I know how important it is that my DS does a little reading everyday.

If phonics are your concern, then make it as fun as possible. So you could try "sound talking" the words throughout the day, so that you are saying the sounds and getting him to blend. "DS could you pass me the s-a-l-t." "Look how f-a-s-t that ball in rolling."

Children love to post things too, so he can post all the words that he can read into a makeshift postbox.

Or get a bunch of things together, have corresponding cards, can he match the card to the item eg a spoon to the card that says spoon.

Or play cross the river. Put a blue scarf or paper down, you say in a deep troll voice "who wants to cross my river?" Give him a word or a sentence to read. He can only jump across the river if he says the word or reads the sentence. Act disappointed that he is able to cross the river.

Most of all, be upbeat, positive and don't worry too much.

Oh I meant to say, spend no more than 10 mins max a day on any of it, even the above games. Set a timer.