My Ds 7yo thinks he is boring

[heather1]

Hi, I'd appreciate any words of advice in this: my 6yo Ds attends a large Primary school, it's international as we are in Switzerland. He has just started in year 1 ( here they do 2 years if kindergarten) which is the equivalent of year 2 in the uk. They mixed up the classes and he has a new teacher, who he really likes.
However since the start if term he has become really solitary at break times. He won't play with the others and if we have play dates he wanders off by himself. This is totally out of character. Although he goes to school no problem he is not his usual self. A couple of times I've tried to talk to him about it but no success. Anyway it all came out today, a new kid ( who my son now wants to be friends with, in fact the only one he wants to be friends with) told my son he was boring, so now my Ds thinks he is and that no one will want to play with him. Not while I recognise that in the grand scheme of life it's not the worse problem its really knocking my Ds confidence. Any suggestions please?

I don't have any words of wisdom I'm afraid, but I just wanted to send you both a hug and to say that it obviously is a problem, so don't feel like you should apologise for being worried about it. The only thing I could suggest would be to mention it to the teacher, and perhaps she can work on some ways of helping your DS re-integrate himself with the class. I think it would be useful for her to be aware of the problem that he is having with the other child. At the same time, if I was you, I would focus on pointing out all the ways in which your DS is interesting and fun, and how all his friends last year thought so, and that one boy who doesn't know him can't have any idea what he is talking about. I'd also try breaking down the new boys power in your sons mind, by telling him that the new boy is obviously frightened about starting a new school, and that sometimes when people are frightened or worried about something they can say or do really unkind things to other people, but that is all it is. A scared little boy being unkind to someone else. I hope that it gets sorted soon.

Thanks they are great suggestions. I will give them a try.

Having moved countries many times with my son, here is my 2 pennies worth.
Moving house is the most stressful thing most people do, moving house and countries can bring you to breaking point...... Why do we expect it to be any different for kids? People love to trot out the "kids are adaptable" line, but in reality ( in my experience having nieces and nephews who have moved around the world, as well as my own children)- moving countries is really hard, and you just have to support them. I imagine you are at an international school, so he not only is in a country with a foreign culture, but surrounded at school with not just one culture , but a whole mixed bag.....
So support him, be involved, help him feel secure, still do playdates, but maybe more trips to the zoo or something, an activity that almost forces him to engage, but give him time.

Thanks mrskaughlan. Yes he is at international school. We have been in Swiss for 2.5 years but he's been at the school since January. I agree about the whole "kids are adaptable" it depends on the child! Don't even get me started on " of they'll be fluent in 6 months " nonsense!
I think my first step will be to build his confidence back up and gently encourage a more wider circle of friends. The one has made friends with is the one who told him he was boring and has a few other issues. At the same time I will not be a helicopter. Luckily there are lots of American Mums at the school so I look very relaxed in comparison.

One of my boring mantras I trot out to my dc - is that just because somebody says something, it doesn't mean it's true. And you have to rise above it and work out what's true for yourself. Because all sorts of rubbish comes out of people's mouths.

My 6yo kept calling himself stupid. it turned out a certain boy was telling him he was. Knowing what I know of the boys (both top table but my ds is not competitive) I could see it was an attempt to get some competition going.

I asked DS if anyone else thought he was stupid - no. I asked if he thought the boy was qualified to comment - no. So why do you think he is doing it? No answer but he had a good think to himself and he's not mentioned it since and he seems much happier

Maybe ask your son how he thinks this boy could even know he is boring if he has only just met him. Also try and tease out what this boy does that makes him not boring. I bet it is all the things your son likes doing, and if they like doing the same things does that make the other boy boring too?

International schools can be tough - I sympathise with him!