WWYD - distraction/ low level annoying behaviour

[Bonkersconkers]

What should DD do (year3) to stop child sitting next to her from chanting in her ear etc during lessons when teacher is talking / back is turned to X. Means that DD cant hear teacher properly. Pulling / fiddling with her hair when standing in line.

He is pretty much constantly disruptive, but changed from high level aggressive behaviour to DD last year (I complained a lot!) to annoying as much as possible without getting caught. All at times when DD will get told off if she reacts. She only reacts when can't concentrate on what teacher is saying.

I told to say clearly in a polite voice, "X please stop that". However the distracted child is now being punished as well as X if they talk during lessons or when lining up.

Yesterday class told no tale telling, even when X is tripping people up on purpose. Because of the telling tales thing by the teacher, DD cried when I told her that I had bumped into her class teacher and asked her how they would like Dd to deal with it. She thinks she will be in trouble for telling tales.

DD loves lessons, adores her teachers and wants to concentrate - how can she stand up for herself and get him to leave her in peace - without speaking or moving in class / line up, telling tales, or pushing him away when is in her face.

I don't buy the philosophical attitude that it is good practice for real life, as in the adult world we can firmly request someone to vacate our personal space! So teachers in particular, what should I do? Would my approach have irritated you? DD is sure I shouldn't have spoken. Sorry for such a long post.

I think you need to go in and have a word, explain it as you have here.

I agree with what Lumpy says. I think you were spot on with your advice to DD about saying 'stop it please'. What did the teacher say when you asked how they would like DD to deal with it?

It's not on IMO that the children are being punished for reacting (unless of course their reaction is hugely disruptive in itself) and are criticised for telling the teacher what is going on. If you don't get a satisfactory response from the class teacher about it, I would approach the HT.

FWIW, I think the disruptive child should be put on a table on their own right at the front of the class. It sounds like progress of a sort has been made with their behaviour since last year, but they would be less able to get away with being sneakily disruptive if they were right at the front.

Agree absolutely with Lumpy.

It is a really difficult poisition for the teacher, as I know that when a child has been labelled 'the naughty one', there ARE children who will then use the 'X did it' excuse for absolutely everything. However, the teacher ought to be able to identify that your DD really just wants to get on.

I, as a teacher, would be happy with the approach you have suggested - and have used it, both as a teacher and a parent (DS was bullied by a child much smaller than him in Reception. Teacher refused to believe it. i told DS to say, very loudly 'X, stop doing that, I don't like it'. Ater the 20th repetition of this during a single morning, the teacher investigated properly and the behaviour stopped). Make sure that your DD know that she must say it loudly, clearly, and say nothing else - so she is simply relaying information to her teacher that there is an issue, not using it as an excuse to talk IYSWIM.

Why, given the history, is the child seated near your DD? Could you request seating positions / carpet positions / lining up orders that completely separate them? (Again, did this when I discovered that DS was black and blue down one side from the little s** next to him pinching him all day every day)