my 5-year old doesn't want to go to school

[morebubblyplease]

My DS2 just turned 5 and is now in year 1. In reception he occasionally said he didn't like school. When asked why, he always replied it was a long day. He loved his teacher and TA though and did really well. Now he says all day every day that he doesn't want to go. Again, there is no particular thing that bothers him, he would just rather be at home. I expect most boys would rather run around and play than sit and write. He's in a lovely little school and his teacher is kind, if a bit old fashioned. What can we do? He's is doing well academically and is otherwise a normal happy chap but making him go to school every day is breaking our hearts. How can school be more attractive to a small boy?

My ds is the same I think it's just a big adjustment to go from reception doing lots of play to year one and doing work. I'm hoping after a few weeks he will get used to it.
It's a shame as well as he loved reception.

It's really hard when your child doesn't enjoy school. My eldest two have loved school from day one but the youngest really disliked it. She had a lovely teacher and wasn't struggling to make friends or with the work. She just would rather have been at home. It did get better in time and now she is in Juniors she is much better and accepts that she has to go to school and doesn't make a fuss like she used to. She is a bright girl, has lots of friends, does well in class and is in the sports teams now (netball/girls football team/ athletics team) which she really enjoys and I think this has helped her to settle. I think sometimes she was bored in Infants.

OP, my DS has moved from reception to year one too. He has never liked school as a concept and I haven't told him that he has to go for at least another 11 years!

He would rather stay at home and play with his lego all day, everyday. The thing is, although he moans and complains about school and trying to get him to get dressed in the mornings into his uniform is a nightmare, I've talked to his teacher and he seems to be enjoying it. So have a chat with the teacher about it.

Unfortunately, some children just don't like school. Shame it's our DSs.

Are you in a position to be able to give him what he wants: have you thought about home education?

I didn't send my older dd to school at four because I thought she would rather be playing and it did seem like a long day at school. I imagined I would want to send her to school when she was a bit older, maybe at seven. But as it turned out, home education went so well that there never did seem a need for her to go to school.

You can use any educational approach you feel suits your child. That could be learning entirely through play like we did, or a more formal programme. Such is the benefit of individual attention that most HE parents only find it necessary to spend a very short time on academics every day, leaving their kids free to play most of the day.

My experience with my DS1 is very similar to NotAsTired 's post - he'd rather play with Lego at home, is a pain to get dressed in the morning/brush his teeth/get his shoes and coat on, complains on the way to school but once he's there he's fine!

He's actually just started in Year 2 and it isn't as bad this year - he's slow to get ready but doesn't complain about going to school quite as much.

However last year was difficult as he would tell me almost every morning that he wanted to stay home and would often be quite clingy and upset about leaving me to go into school. I would listen to him and talk to him about how he was feeling - I'd try to acknowledge how he was feeling while making it clear that he needed to go to school, plus talk about the things I knew he enjoyed.

Talking to his teacher reassured me that he was fine at school and enjoyed the activities and playing with his friends. The problem isn't that he doesn't like school, it's just that he prefers to be at home with me and his toys.

It did get better during year 1 - he'd still complain but accepted that he needed to go and would be less upset about it and often not upset at all, just stated matter-of-factly that he'd rather stay home. It would also get worse again after holidays or if he'd had a couple of days off with a sickness bug, but wouldn't last long.

I can't offer much in the way of advice as obviously my strategy was just to hope it would get better! I hope it does for you and your DS too.

Thanks for all this feedback. It's so comforting to know that this is not uncommon. Sadly, home schooling is not an option as we both work full time, however we have an appointment with the headmistress next week. My partner has also had a chat with DS's teacher who acknowledged that he had not quite realised how hard the transition from reception can be, especially for the younger ones, and he is going to try to let the children learn through play more. It does feel like the school is listening to our concerns and will try to help by making it more fun for the kids. I have hope, and just want to do everything we can to feel better about making him go to school everyday. Thanks for all the support!

Does the school not have a policy of transitioning into year one gently? I'm a supply teacher who has worked in many different school. Some schools jump straight into formal lessons, which I think is too much for most of the children. The more successful schools have a transitioning period usually the first half term or term and most are still able to "choose" after they have finished their work.

Its a shame when schools jump straight into formal lessons. A lot of the children, especially boys, are just ready yet. I went to one school last week where the children are just not coping and the teachers have decided that they now need to do more play based stuff. This backtracking is so unfair to the children. They should just start with play!

Can you tell it's one of my bugbears?