Typical new year wobbles or a sign of a problem?

[manchestermummy]

I've posted before about my DD1 not being very happy due to problems she's having with a girl in the class. She's in Yr 1 and nearly 6 and generally quite mature. Although I haven't had a repeat of the morning where I had her sobbing and clinging onto me, she hasn't seemed at all happy so far this year. I am working with the teacher, but I am so very worried about her. Whatever issues she's having at school are now spilling into every aspect of her life. She refuses to do anything new at all and says she is rubbish at everything and doesn't ever want to play with anyone ever again. She says she enjoys the work, but seems almost phobic of playtimes. Nothing I do seems to be boosting her confidence.

I just don't know what to do. She says she wants to go to a different school but not only is that not the answer it's not an option. She's very bright (not just my opinion!) and overthinks everything but this is breaking my heart.

Please help.

poor girl, I don't really have any advice as you are already working with the teacher but I would be interested to know what the school is doing about the situation.

Is the other girl bullying her? she has lost a lot of self esteem obviously as a result of whatever is happening and I think you need to try and build that up. I was reading recently (am trying to increase my own self esteem) that self esteem can be increased in just 2 weeks. That is how long you remember things in that way so if you can somehow get her to start recognising she is a great person then you can build her self esteem up again pretty quickly.

Does she do any out of school activities that she has been doing for a while? things that she does feel confident in? what does she enjoy doing at home?

and hugs to you - it is horrible for you both

She does swimming, and as she's been having lessons since she was 3 is pretty good. She doesn't think she is though . She's just started gymnastics but says she now hates it because she's rubbish at it but I am going to perservere with that one. At home she loves to draw and her drawing's really good but again, she says she's rubbish. This is complete nonsense as every time I look at displays in the classroom hers is far and away the best in the class - other parents comment on it.

My definition of bullying is someone behaving towards you in a way you don't like, so yes, I think she is. I really want to sit down with the teacher but don't want to appear OTT. This school doesn't have parents evenings, it has parents days where you take your child, and a lot of this I just don't want to discuss in front of DD.

Sorry, should also have said thanks for replying!

Is there a change in pedagogy from R to Y1? More formal learning as opposed to play based learning?

This is the thing - she loves learning! It's the play part and particular playtime that's freaking her out.

well I think if there is one child in particular who is a problem for her then you need to speak to the teacher and see what she has observed and can they talk about respecting each other and being nice to each other.

I don't think it is OTT if your daughter is this upset to put a note in her bag or ask the teacher if you can make an appointment to see her to discuss some concerns about your daughter.

My youngest had a real identity crisis just before she turned 4 and it was horrible. She didn't like her hair, how she looked, her voice etc. she wanted to have long blonde straight hair like all her friends seem to have. We just kept reassuring her and eventually she got over it (after a few months though) she still struggles to approach a group of children to join in with them and has just started school so we will have to see how she gets on.

you seem to have 2 issues, one is the concerns with the other girl and it sounds like whatever she is saying to your daughter is affecting her confidence with everything so if that was sorted out then the rest might fall into place.

I would probably speak to her swimming teacher and gym teacher and explain the problem and just ask if they could perhaps throw some extra praise her way. Perhaps frame a couple of bits of her artwork at home and comment on them sometimes.

Really she needs to realise for herself how wonderful she is rather than just get praise from other people as then she will look for more praise from other people but it is a start.

Poor girl, i hope things get better. Will the teacher make any time after school for a quiet work with you?

Could you go into the school as a lunchtime helper, or a parent helper, to see what's happening?

Maybe you could also concentrate on her enjoyment of activities, rather than the outcome, and boost her self esteem by commenting on how much you enjoy spending time with her because xxxx and yyyy?

I can't go into school to help, no. I work part-time and when I'm not at work I have DD2 with me. I hope that the teacher would make some time to talk to me, but I get the feeling she thinks I'm a bit crazy.

I wouldn't worry about seeming OTT or a bit crazy; she's your daughter and you're her advocate. You know her better than anyone, and if she's not happy then it's better to try and get to the bottom of things than leave it.

I've only got boys, and so far they seem to sort out problems very physically, but from speaking to friends who have girls, they seem to make groups and exclude others, then change their friendships around quite quickly. Could this be happening with your daughter?

Yes, I rather suspect so! Her teacher last year said there were some very dominant girls in the class.