Private or local primary? Circles - help!

[Balancingact441]

We have the opportunity for our dd to go to a private primary school about 45 mins drive away. Great school. Great reputation. Our local primary schools are also great, although suffer the usual problems of over subscription and large and/or mixed year group classes.

I can't decide whether the distance and financial sacrifice is worth the private place and particularly the possible lack of social interaction after school/holidays with kids in the local area.

I keep coming back to her having such a good start will set her up for her educational life and this would be better provided for at the private school.

Some thoughts and experiences would be great, i realise how lucky i am to even have the choice (the financial and time commitment would be really significant to us) I'm going in circles on this one!

HAve a look at the "How long is your commute" thread that's active at the moment. Lots of thoughts in there about whether travelling further is worth it for a perceived better school.

45 minutes drive there and back is three hours of your time every day!

That's a very long time for a small child to spend in the car every day. What will happen when she wants to do after school activities at school, what time will she get home at night? Does she have good friends who live locally that you are likely to keep I touch with?
In the winter will you be driving back and forward to school in the dark?
If you are set on private education, could she go to the school when she is a bit older and go to the local school for a few years? I have friends that have done this and a apart from lack of language skills the children have slotted in well and actually been ahead in English and maths!

Its too far away .

Now you've done it.

Stand back and wait for the fur to fly on independent versus state.

PS For my tuppence worth

Too far unless you can share drop-offs / school run etc and even then some of her social group may be the other side of her school geographically.

It's too far, IMO. We started DS in private school at 11. He has a 1 hour commute each way. He would have really struggled to cope any earlier and we are keeping DD in the State primary school until she is also 11.

Seriously? 45 minutes? I wouldn't even consider committing to drive that once a week let alone every day.

I drove my DC 45 minutes to their independent very good preps. The options nearby were OK but nothing compared to the prep options.
The journey was an easy one (mostly on an A road) and never felt ridiculous. Their schools were in the nearest big town and so I'd tie in shopping, food shop, meeting friends etc with the school run.

DC did a few clubs after school/at weekends. I'd take a snack in the car for the way home and we listened (this is 15 years ago!) to tape cassettes with times table.
Lots of children travelled similar distances to the schools so it wasn't an issue friendship wise as everyone had to travel for playdates and everyone just got on with it.
We moved slightly nearer when DC were around 6 and 8 and then again when DC were 11 and 13 to the big town where their schools are as that suited them better as teenagers and I had to go back to work so couldn't drive them about anymore.

For us, it was worth it and never felt hassle or too much while I wasn't working.

45 minutes each way is an option I would not consider. Why not explore the state schools a little more & you may find you've got a better school on your doorstep than you first thought. We picked state for primary & independent for senior but even by that stage, 45 minutes would probably be the limit for a day place.

Would you get into your local state primaries? If so, then go for those. The social side of being part of the community, having local friends etc will set her up for life just as well as anything academic, although it sounds like your local primaries are good academically too, so it's kind of a no-brainer to me. If you're considering the private as back-up in case you don't get a local place, then that's a reasonable strategy and you can always pull out when places are allocated. But I don't think discounting the local schools in favour of the private makes any sense. It's too far.

DD has just moved to a prep for year 3. She misses her friends very much but she is loving learning. She loved learning at her previous school but the room was so noisy and crowded and behaviour was not shocking but lots of low level disruption. We only drive 10 mins tho.

I think you need to look at what you definitely know and what you think might be the case. e.g you should be able to do a test run or two of the drive to the school and back now at the times you would need to do it for the private school to decide how you definitely feel about that. What you think might be the case e.g. your child will have friends in the local community you cannot possibly be sure of until she starts at the school.

I speak from experience. I picked the local outstanding state for my DD1. She disliked it, she did have some friends but was usually the one asking to join in rather than having a best / close friend she could rely on.

I moved her to the private school some drive away - about 40 mins in rush hour and on the other side of town. This meant that her DB had to go too. They both now have very good friends locally and further away due to the social geography at the school. It has broadened their horizons in many ways as not everyone lives on our doorstep [unlike the local primary]. Once we arrived at the private school I was genuinely amazed at how many local people went there, it was just that we had never met them.

I do go to work. I put a freezer box into my boot when we leave for school at 7.30am so that the food doesn't go off during the day. Inside it is the children's tea for the journey home and they have a hot dinner around 6.30pm. I reined in afterschool activities for the first year while we all adjusted but they now do football, netball, swimming, tennis and ballet in our local area in the evenings and at weekends.

a) Can you easily afford the private option?
b) Are the local state schools good academically and pastorally?
c) Are you aiming at selective secondaries?

We're hoping for a super-selective indy for secondary, but have excellent state primary, so have opted for that and plan to supplement with tutoring for the 11+.

I'd rather put a state educated child into an indy secondary than move a child from the private sector to a state secondary (unless private school is dire etc). I don't think you will get that much extra at a prep in terms of ethos towards work that you can't get at a good state primary plus involved parents.

I think the commute is too long unless you really want to avoid the local primaries.

Looking at it the other way round - if I felt the best school for my daughter was 45 minutes away then I would drive 45 minutes without hesitation. Obviously it would be better if it was only 5 or 10 minutes away - but you can't move the location. It just comes down to your priorities. We drive 25 minutes. There are lots of schools nearer-but none as good, therefore we drive to what I consider to be the best school in the area.

My kids are at an average state school and seem to be doing as well as their peers in private school (though they're still young and it takes a lot of intervention from me). I could have sent them to a private school and had a place but frankly, I couldn't stand the idea of a commute (45 minutes on public transport) and I liked the idea of them having friends on the nearby streets. I also liked the state school when we looked round. I didn't care about academics when they were little; I'm all for learning through play and this school was unfashionably big on that (unfashionable in our area anyway). I have considered changing schools when they are older and if their current school seems to be failing them in any way. What I hadn't anticipated was how much harder it is to get into private schools at 11, or even 7 - less places, more competition, including from tutored, privately school educated children. It depends where you live.

Thanks for all the points of view, it's definitely give me food for thought. Will be doing some more detailed research into local schools.

We are quite rural so 40 minutes isn't that unusual for a journey length around here! And it's a sacrifice I would make if it meant the best chances for dcs. Was really interested to hear your experiences baffled and dalmation thanks for sharing.

Nice to be able to put it out there and get some opinions! (And ps, thanks for no independent vs state flamings!)