Help. Telling school parents have separated

[AllabouttheE]

How do I word this to school? Btw I'm reg but got a brand new name.

DH has walked out on us completely out blue, almost 2 weeks ago. . DD is bearing up but not sleeping, she's going back to Y 2.

How formally should I inform school? In writing? Quiet word unlikely, not that sort of school set up and I don't know new teacher.

Plus I'm devastated, on sleeping tablets etc and getting moving in the morning is tough trying to shake them off. I don't think I'll be late, I'm not looking for that sort of excuse but I'm not all there.

We've been such steady parents up to this point, my DC and I are in a complete state of shock, and I'm worrying massively about back to school.

Teachers, your opinions on how best to proceed would be v helpful. I'm a bit lost.

If you can't catch the teacher to mention it, then a short note would be best. As a teacher, I'd want to know how recent the split was, who is/ isn't allowed to pick the child up, if there is any form of abuse I need to know about, if the child is particularly unsettled and how much you want the child to tell other children. Lots of children settle back into the classroom and tend to forget about life outside; until hometime at least. But it's best if the teacher does know.

My advice, and it is only as the teacher in the scenario, is to try and not complain about how much a of a shit bag the father is in front of the child. It might be true, but it really isn't fair on the child to hear their dad bad mouthed. You'd be surprised at how many times I've heard the intimate details of a break up, with the kids within ear shot.

With regards to you, I hope you're coping as best as you can be. Have you posted in the relationship area for support and general hand holding?

Hi, guessing you can't sleep right now! Sounds like it's been a tough couple of weeks!

It's the first time this has happened to you, so naturally you're in shock. From school's point of view though, it's fairly normal and they won't be standing there ready to judge -honest! Heads have very broad shoulders and there are usually boxes of tissues in their offices for a reason!

I would probably keep it verbal and informal. I've been lucky to be a parent at schools where the head is accessible, even if the class teacher isn't always but I know that's not always the case. If you haven't got that sort of opportunity/relationship then maybe an informal note asking that they keep an eye on DD as she's a bit delicate at the moment. You could probably keep it as 'issues at home', if you're more comfortable with that??

The routine of getting back to school will probably be a good thing. I hope things settle for you and your DC

hi agree with others advice. most schools have at least one training day at start of autumn term. might be worth trying to ring/pop in to see teacher and tell them. if not I agree a short note. maybe with details of contact although I'm guessing its too soon for that but certainly who you want to be aware of it. being primary prob only needs to be class teacher and maybe head. office staff too if custody issues etc. I do wish you and DC well. I'm possibly teetering on this myself. I have too been looking at relationship thread. might be worth it just to see how others are coping.

When it happened to me I e-mailed the head requesting a meeting which he arranged very quickly. I would suggest e-mailing one and likely they'll see you on inset day.
I found the meeting very helpful no mud was slung stated the facts, he offered advice and support as to how they could help.
He then talked to the right teachers.

Oh yes school arranged some counselling for my DD that really helped her with all her feelings.

Thank you. I can't do the chat before class as have DS in tow.
There is an inset day before term starts so I will call the head then.

I wrote to the headteacher when it was similar circumstances and a big shock for me and DC. She invited me in to chat through how they could help DC, her form teacher was there too. She was lovely, very professional about it and very much focused on the DC.
It is horrible having to tell people like that, good luck. I hope you are OK.

As others have said, teachers are (sadly) well versed in dealing with the situation.
The day before the start of term is the best time to call.
The head will 'news manage' for you and ensure that if your kids are a bit rough round the edges for a term they are supported appropriately.