my 4yo daughter scared of new school teacher

[1proudmum]

My 4 year old daughter is starting reception in September but she seems to be scared of the class teacher I have asked her why but she won't say she has met her new teacher before and they got along well so I went to he toilets to wash my hands after holding her lolly pop then all of a sudden she wants to go home

Before the visit she always said she was very very exited for starting school but now she just wants to stay in nursery anybody have any suggestions???

I teach Reception and I hope it's not me who has uspet her It could be something as simple as she saw the teacher tell a child off/ give a cross look etc and it's 'stuck' in her mind.

It probably isn't so much as she won't say as he simply doesn't know. It can be tricky at 4 for them to explain why they feel a certain way, they just know that they feel scared/worried etc when they think of school.

One way to get her talking could be to ask her to draw a picture of her starting school/ her class, teacher etc and get a conversation going that way. E.g. If she drew the teacher with a cross face, you could ask how X feels and why she has a sad/cross face. You may find she them comes out with 'my teacher told X off' etc.

She'll be fine once she gets to school though so don't worry too much. :)

1proudmum:

Was she all alone with the teacher?

I just wonder if this was the first time you've left her with someone new and this might have unsettled her.

I may be way off here - but if it kind of frightened her that you went off maybe she expressed that to you upon your return by asking to go home (as a means of controlling a situation she was finding scary or upsetting).

I suspect if this is the issue - she may take a bit of time settling (but then this is often the case for children, whether it's nursery or school). My advice is try to be positive about the whole thing, try to encourage her to talk about what she does like about her school day (so she's reminded of the positive things) and keep being there for her (go in when it's reading morning or a workshop, volunteer to help on field trips, etc... - so she feels you're around and a part of it).

DD2 cried a lot at start of Class R and one morning I said, but last night you said how much you liked Miss X and being in Class R - if Miss X sees you crying she's going to think you don't like being in her class. It wasn't instantaneous but DD2 did stop making such a fuss fairly soon thereafter. [A very wise woman from our DD's nursery said that she's found that many times children cry in front of their parents when they're about to leave, and the instant they're gone they're absolutely fine, happy and smiling and playing nicely. It's not just adults that are manipulative.].

HTH

My DD expressed quite a strong dislike of her TA in YR, and told me that the TA had very slightly told her off for not putting her name of the board when she went to the loo. It was enough to put DD off said TA for a couple of weeks, but she soon forgot about it. My advice to you would be to project relaxation and enjoyment, and not focus on school, and see if it just blows over. If it doesn't, then you can go in and discuss your DD's worries. Just give it a bit of time and try not to fret - our DC are really more resilient than we give them credit for. Good luck.

Thanks guys I tried that x thing with her and It kind of worked she drew the teacher and the other worried child as a x but she still can't tell me so I am trying to work it out from the picture

Hi - I worked in primary schools for 25 years, starting as a 'parent helper' then as TA in a different Infant school.

As a child I never liked school much, and when I work with children I always take care to make things as stress-free as possible, which can be difficult when one has to encourage a child to learn, understand, co-operate, and behave, etc. I think the most insignificant detail or occurrence (to an adult) can seem a major trauma to a child, and they might not have the experience or language to explain how they feel.

Our own DS (25 years ago) sailed happily through his two 'practice' days in Reception, but when the term started 'for real' he was distraught at first; I felt he realised that playgroup and practice sessions were over, and this was going to be his life for the next seven years! (Fourteen years if you include 'A' levels!) and that is a heck of a long time.

But everything resolved perfectly well (as it usually does), and I am sure your DD will quickly settle to a happy and successful school life. Be as patient as you can with any lapses in behaviour (at first some children can be very ratty after a tiring day at school), be interested if she wants to tell you things, but don't be surprised or disappointed if she doesn't want to! It's a gradual learning experience for all of you, so try to enjoy and value it.