Rather concerned about ds starting reception at the local primary...

[Allthatglitters789]

My ds 4 starts reception at our local primary this September, the teachers are lovely and it's a nice school. The only worry is, the parents and some of the children. The school is in a rough area the majority of the parents are on benefits and stand outside the school smoking, swearing and discussing the days television every afternoon.
Children around 5 run around swearing at each other. I know I can't shelter my child forever but I don't want him exposed to things like that at his age.
I am looking in to moving area so I can get him in to a better one.
Dh things I am being silly and doesn't think ds will be influenced.
What do you mums think, am I worrying over nothing?

id want to move too tbh. Children end up like their peers

Is it actually the majority, or could it be a visible minority? We have some parents like this too but also lots of MC parents, and I really like the mix.

That said, if it really is the vast majority, I'd want to be out of there too.

DS goes to a school like this. It has the worst reputation in the town, in a deprived area etc etc. It could actually be the school you've described.

He's come out of Reception doing really well academically and socially, with lots of new friends and generally having a had an excellent first year.

Put your snobbery aside. If you have serious issues with the school then look into moving him but if your issues are with the parents and other children, then quite frankly, get over yourself.

Life is what you and child choose to make of it. Home has a far bigger influence in primary school than friends. Even private school children learn bad language.

My son has just finished a really rough primary and come out with level 5s in all his national curriculum tests. He has learnt to mix with all sorts and not be snobby. My daughter has had a year of nursery and sounds like one of the locals although she doesn't swear.

Some people on benefits are really nice people. I feel you need to give these families a chance and say hello to them in the playground. You may even find that they say "hello" back. Get involved with the PTA and make friends in the community. Trust me its far more constructive to be friendly than judgemental. Prehaps you can think what you can do to help your neighbours without patronising them. (Offer hand me downs of baby clothes, invite their child round etc etc.)

Many families on long term benefits live in really challenging circumstances. One of dd's little friends mother is blind because of cancer treatment. The poor lady has six children and the father is only working part time at the moment. Most people who are on long term benefits have a damn good reason and aren't just scronging.

Secondary school is far more scary as parents have less of an influence. Even so, if a child has been brought up to respect teachers and work hard they will do fine.

Parents being on benefits and smoking wouldn't bother me; people from all walks of life smoke and anybody can find themselves on benefits even for a longer term basis (due to disability, caring roles etc).
However, 5 year olds running around swearing would concern me as my child is going to have to mix with these children. I can teach my child that it is wrong to swear and that I want tolerate it, but what other bad habits might these children have?
Parents who are not bothered about their children swearing and don't bother to stamp out that sort of behaviour might well tolerate other unacceptable behaviours and I wouldn't care for my child to be exposed to that.
I am well aware of how judgemental my post sounds but I grew up in the inner city and have witnessed first hand how behaviours 'rub off' on other children and I would do whatever possible to get something better for my child. Swearing at five might not be so bad, but what will those same children be doing at 10 or 12etc?
If moving house wasn't possible then I would definitely be looking at private schools.

I agree with IHeartKingThistle. A vocal group are more prominent than the quieter majority.
My children go to a school perceived by some to be rough. Great school and my children doing well.

The school I was offered was like this with the addition of pj's and beer cans at the gate. Plus 6 families whose children have a taxi provided because the patents have been banned from school grounds.

It was our only state option as we don't fit the faith criteria for the good ones. We went private, would have moved if we couldn't have afforded private.

Agree that these parents may seem to represent the school, but there's likely to be actually a less visible majority who aren't so loud and sweary. A few parents at my dc's school could be described like this (and get into fights in the reception hall etc), and from walkign past the school they're what I used to notice but once she started I found out a) many were very nice people and b) they were in the minority. Child is doing well and very happy there.

Having said that kids swearing at each other would worry me. Does this really happen? Have you witnessed a one off or seen it regularly? If the second I would call the school and discuss concerns with head, because the school should be clamping down on this.

I dont think it is snobby to want to.shield your child from those who think it is ok for children to swear.

I also think that the solution to your dilemma will depend on your child. It is irrelevant whether the posters above have children who thrive in difficult circumstances. If your child is going to find it difficult to find friends with similar interests or be stressed or distracted by challenging behaviour then you will have to move. Presumably it is now too late to change the place so you will have to try for at least a term to see how it goes?

"People on benefits" are not automatically subhuman what a horrible attitude you have.

Relax.

Look, I'll sympathise. I'm MC. We live in a semi rural area on the edge of a large city. I choose the school on a gut feeling. It was rated a 'good' school with okay results in a fairly unaffluent surrounding area. My dd started reception and I was somewhat horrified by some parents I witnessed walking in the school gate. Fag butts near the school, swearing at their kids on the way in. One mum even had a tag on!

I was even more horrified when within a year ofsted downgraded the school to 'satisfactory'.

Fast forward to now, dd has just finished Y3, with a 4c for all subjects (roughly 2 yrs ahead of where she should be). I've encountered nothing but outstanding teaching, ofsted have now graded the school as 'good' again with many outstanding features. More importantly, my dd is really happy. There IS a mix of kids at the school and she gets on great with most if them. I've encountered any child who I wouldn't want her to socialise with.

I'm ashamed of my initial view of the parents at the school. Yes, some are grim but to be honest I hear of worse nightmares with horrifically rude and anti-social MC parents at a nearby 'MC' school in a nearby more, affluent area. I have many local friends with children at different schools.

Our school is incredibly friendly with no pretentions. I see loads of parents who give lots of time to their kids and are good parents - they just just watch BBC4

Please don't worry.

I've *not encountered any child I wouldn't want her to socialise with.

*don't watch BBC4. Jeez!

I am "on benefits" OP, I have a degree and manage to fit in voluntary support work around my caring responsibilities which require me to be there for DS at the end of the school day.

Give people a chance before dismissing them perhaps.

What is the school itself like?

"I'd move, children end up like their peers"

So home life and parents have nothing to do with it then. Goodness me if only I had known I would have sent m child to Eton

"I'd move. Children end up like their peers"

At primary school I really don't think so. It's MC obsessions such as this that dismiss amazing schools out of hand. I have plenty of friends with dcs at very 'nice' MC schools and too be honest there's been some horrible, nasty and downright disturbing behaviour from some pupils, and parents. It doesn't make me think all the children are like this.

Hey OP, sorry to butt in, lots of us are waiting on an update of your "home alone" thread.

Agree with other posters, you may just see the extreme cases, the silent, reasonable majority may be 'below the radar' - a bit like MN!