7 year old thought friend's 7 y.o. was stealing

[Jan49]

This is a question for a friend. She?s asked my advice but I don?t know so we agreed I?d post here and I?ll show her this thread. Apologies if it's not in the right place but I'm not sure where to put it.

My friend has a 7 y.o. boy ?H? who has problems with bullying at school. The school denies it?s happening and isn?t dealing with it at all. H struggles to understand what?s going on at school and struggles with instructions in class. He may have special needs and his parents are investigating this. The family is moving to a new area over the summer for the dad?s job so H will have a fresh start at a new school.

An incident happened last week which really upset my friend and feels like the last straw to her. She just wants to take her son and run. Basically, an evening event was organised at a local church hall by parents from H?s class at school to raise money for a charity. My friend and her son went along. There were tables laid out with items you could buy, including 2 long tables of second hand toys. H spent ages picking out some small toys to buy and holding on to the ones he wanted so that he could pay in one go. His mum was next to him. A boy aged 7 from his class was at the table taking the money and a girl aged 7 from his class was at the table next to it, both tables for second hand toys and all money going to the same charity.

When H was ready to pay, the boy had disappeared, so H and his mum waited about 5 minutes for him to come back. He didn?t come back so they paid the girl on the other toys table, about 30p in total. I don?t think anything was said about whether it was OK to pay her instead. As H was putting the toys in his bag, the boy returned to his table. My friend thought the boy shot H a suspicious look and it occurred to her that the boy thought he hadn?t paid for the toys, but she told herself she was being paranoid due to the bullying problems. So nothing was said and they walked away and looked at the rest of the tables. My friend continued to be conscious that the boy was looking over at them suspiciously but continued to think she was misreading this. This went on for about 15 minutes.

Finally the boy came over and asked if H had paid for the items. My friend said yes, he paid Girlsname. The boy then went away. My friend is really upset by this. She'd convinced herself she was being paranoid but she wasn't. She's shocked that a 7 y.o. was thinking like that and then came over and asked. So, what would you all think?

Um, that the 7yo didn't see them pay and so asked if they had. When told that they had, he went away.

Unless I'm missing something, I seriously do not understand what there is to be concerned about Had this led to bullying?

I think seven year olds have a very black and white view of the world so would imagine that it would be pretty normal for a child to wonder if another child had paid if he hadn't seen so for himself because they don't always recognise that they aren't the centre of the universe.
I think because of your friend's experience she is feeling ultra sensitive and not surprisingly either. I would say if her ds has a fresh start elsewhere after the holidays and she feels that continuing to attend wouldn't be in his best interests then I'd keep him home with a "convenient" case of chicken pox and allow him to de stress so he's in the best possible frame of mind for the new school.

to be honest given that the boy hasn't mentioned it since I wouldn't worry about it.

The boy in charge of the stall was in many ways right to check someone had paid for something. If he has always been told to pay for things in shops then I don't see it would be unusual to check people are paying. perhaps I am wrong but it doesn't actually sound like there was really an incident.

what if it had been a teacher on the stall and he had paid someone else whilst she wasn't looking? if the teacher had then said 'did you pay for that?' would that be an issue?

I was expecting you to say that the boy stood and shouted 'x is a thief, he took toys without paying' or something. I actually think for him to come over and ask (unless he did it in a really rude way) was acceptable given his job was to sell the toys.

The boy running the stall thought the other child hadn't paid- so he asked if he had. Don't see the problem.....

I don't see the problem either. Your friend told the boy they had paid the girl and then the boy realised he was wrong so walked away. Or am I missing something?

Thank you.

I think my friend felt differently about it because it was a child that questioned whether her son had paid. If it had been an adult that had looked suspiciously at him, she'd have immediately explained that they'd paid, but because it was a child it felt different and she felt she must be misinterpreting his look.

I think it would feel very unpleasant if store staff kept watching you and then came over and queried whether you'd paid. If a teacher looked at you suspiciously for 15 minutes before coming over to query whether you'd paid or not, that would feel like an accusation, not the same as the teacher checking you'd paid when you were just walking away from the stall perhaps.

I don't think it's led to any consequences at school but my friend is very upset about it.

I'll pass your thoughts on to her, thank you.

Maybe the child was building up the courage to ask?

He's 7. If anything he should probably be praised for being brave enough to do the right thing and ask.