Should I be worried, what can I do?

[Pooforbains]

My ds started foundation 2 last sept, and I'm worried about him. Prior to going to school he went to a private nursery pretty much full time, we worried about how he'd settle but he has done really well and I'm so proud of how he's settled and made friends.

We have had no issues with the school over all. In the first term he came home with some phoenics to learn, 4 a week. We did try and sit with him but his concentration isn't good, and he seemed to get upset so we didn't push it. Just before oct half term the teacher took me to one side and said he was getting upset as he was falling behind and could we spend some time over half term going over them which we did, I felt guilty we'd never made him, as didn't want to push it, however it was really hard going he just doesn't concentrate but made some progress. Parents evening before Xmas teacher seemed quite positive, said although he was in the lower half of class he had made progress etc, and was pleased with his behaviour. Parents evening before Easter again she said lower group but not bottom and making progress, was pleased with how his writing had really come on, seemed quite positive we were happy he was plodding along.

And then his report came home Friday and I cried when I read it as it was so negative. Said he has no confidence, doesn't listen, needs constant reassurance, doesn't concentrate. Written really negative. Said he's going to struggle with yr 1 ciriculum. Said his art work etc is low standard, still forming letters incorrctly.Made some progress in literacy/numeracy, nothing positive at all. Also is only emerging in all bar 4 areas. I'm gutted.

Overall we are pleased at how is coming on, he is on level red books. Reads 1&2 level biff & chip (we brought him the sets to encourage him) he does lack concentration but he is much better than before, he is a boy, summer born (may)

I'm gutted that he's going to struggle next year and I'm not sure how to help him.

How can I help him most? Also I think I feel worse, as myself and my hubby are both well educated and fairly bright iykwim, and I just assumed he would be. Can he turn it around or is that it is he destined to fail? He has already noticed some of his class are clever. Spoke to mil who's a primary teacher she just says he's a boy and will catch up, and she has no doubts he not be bottom in a few years, but that doesn't make me feel better.

ok well firstly he got 4 expected levels.
he is reading level 2 ORT - quite normal at this stage so I wouldn't have said it was behind
he is a younger one in the year so is only recently 5

It sounds like the tone is negative and that is the problem and has clouded the situation.

he is most definitely NOT destined to fail. Listen to your MIL. honestly. As a teacher she would say if she felt there was a problem.

Hard to know what to suggest you do. I suppose if it was me then I would keep practicing the reading, even just 5 mins a day but every day will really help him. practice numbers up to 20 and play with some blocks or something to practice counting up and down (find out what method the school use, do they use number lines?). practice letter and number formation - you can get little white boards with the outlines/dots on them so he could just go over them with the pen, if he has problems then it doesn't matter, he just rubs them out.

The main thing I think to focus on is building his confidence. unfortunately you will have to help him gain these basic skills or as soon as he goes back to school it will knock his confidence again. If you can lavish a lot of praise on him for his efforts over the summer then that will be great. perhaps when he helps round the house, or helps water the flowers and things you could use language to thank him which will help him to see himself as kind, valuable, helpful, clever etc. telling him he is great might help short term but his confidence is inside him so he needs to believe it. So relate things. Say he makes you a little object out of lego then instead of saying 'thank you that is lovely' say something like 'thank you, it is lovely, you must have thought hard about what I would like' or that is very thoughtful or you listened very hard to mummy and did exactly what I asked you to rather than just you were good. does that make sense.

What is he really good at/enjoys doing? try to spend extra time on that over the holidays and help build his confidence that he can do things well.

but don't think he is destined to fail, he isn't, he honestly isn't.

So here is my two penneth worth....

I have a summer born boy (August). He didn't do that much in reception, not that much more in year 1 and flew in year 2. He is about average now and I am really pleased with that for a summer boy. I could compare him to his high flying sister (as others do) or others in his class and it really isn't worth it as he is an individual and will do what works for him and I'm not sure he was ready before this year.

However, what I do know is that his teachers really worked for him this year (yr2) in a way that the others didn't and they seem to get him. He had 1:1 reading input and just leapt up the book bands - and his confidence has increased. It seems to be coming together albeit slowly and his spelling can be a bit all over the place and he is getting there.

We read most days with him - so I would follow up Periwinkle's suggestion and if you can go and see the Yr1 teacher before the end of term and just talk about your concerns so you can build a relationship with her before the next term. I think having a great relationship with the teacher is really important.

It is far too young to decide if he is going to succeed or not and more than anything he needs you to believe in him and fight his corner.

Periwinkle 007, thanks for that's so much. It's nice to hear that.

Maybe I need to speak to the teacher re the negative tone, there is an opportunity to meet this week but as I've started a new job this week I won't be able to go, and I don't trust oh to go and not say something stupid as he was really angry about the tone of the report.

There's a boy in my school who spent his first 3 years at school on the SEN register - now, going into year 6 he's G&T. Children really do develop at different rates.

Thanks for the comments, anymore appreciated.

Hi - retired TA (male) here :

Having worked in KS1 for over twenty years, I agree what others have said : no cause for worry at this stage, and all Periwinkle's suggestions are excellent.

However, I can't help wondering WHY, (if it is true) that he "has no confidence, doesn't listen, needs constant reassurance, doesn't concentrate", how he has reached this age without you noticing it. What sort of toys, games, books etc does he have at home? Does he watch too much TV, play too many computer games? Is his diet ideal, does he get enough sleep? I believe young children need as much interaction and conversation with parents and other people, as possible. Sharing books, and toys such as Lego, drawing, painting, junk modeling etc, with a parent is much better than a child being left on his own to play and amuse himself.

I apologize in advance if I am totally wrong, but your OP slightly conveyed to me that you and DH may have been so involved in your own careers, that DS has not received an ideal amount of your time and attention during his formative years. Obviously, earning a living is the paramount objective in families these days, and I do not mean to be critical, but children flourish best when they share life- and learning-experiences with an adult, ideally a parent.

However, I am sure he will cope happily with Yr1 if he has your continued support and reassurance that he is doing well, and is encouraged but not 'pushed'. If there are any aspects of the curriculum you do not feel confident in (and it is always changing, to the dismay and frustration of teachers and parents) then try and get clarification from school staff.

Good luck, and 'come back' if you have further queries.

We have noticed the lack of concentration, but that's more than he just doesn't want to concentrate on learning, he will happily concentrate on things he enjoys, ie Lego. In terms of him not listening I think this is again his concentration and maintaining that. We have always known he lacks confidence, and is shy hence why we were worried about how he'd settle but he has come on loads. Although he is still shy if we go anywhere he doesn't know people. He does watch tv and plays learning games on the iPad, but not what I would class as too much. Yes we both work but he has always had plenty of input as we arranged our hours so one of us was at home 4 days out of 7 and also he's spent time with grandparents whilst we have worked so had 1-2-1 there. He has plenty of craft and creative things and has always been encouraged to do that. I take on board your comments though. I also think when the teacher mentions his confidence she means in a group situation which he is very shy in. He does get plenty of sleep and eats healthily also.

Thank you for giving us a different angle though.

Sorry I just realised I said he went to nursery pretty much full time, from 0-4 he was primarily at home or with grandparents, when I went back to work after having his sister when he was just nearly 4 he went to nursery full time.