School are using DD2 first name rather than her given/preferred name.

[ClutchingPearls]

We have recently started weekly stay and plays at school ready for her starting in September.

When we applied we used her full name online ( because that what they ask for) but have since filled out every form with her given name. Only using her first name when there is also a 'preferred' name box to put her given name in.

The teacher (new) greeted her on the first day using her first name, DD2 just stared at her. All info had her first name on.

I took the teacher aside and explained she doesn't identify with her first name and only knows it in context with her middle name and surname. She doesn't recognise it written down and really its a official forms name only and her given name is what she's known by and recognises.

She refused to use her name and said only when she knew and could write her first name would she even consider using a 'nickname'.

DD2 is a very young 4 and is needing alot of work to get her ready for school. She really struggles with numbers and letters and I feel any unnecessary changes at this point will impact her learning up to now and also how prepared we can get her for September. Plus its her name, why would we want to change it for a more complicated and different one now? It just seems very strict for a reception teacher.

It is a common nickname and also now a stand-alone name. I'm not asking for her to be called Miss fluffy bottom sweety pie.

Where do I stand can we force her to use it? go to the HT? or do I just quit the moaning and start getting DD2 used to it now. Its our third stay and play Friday and we're at stalemate. Do most schools accept given names?

I remember dc1's reception teacher saying at a parents evening that he didn't know how to spell his name yet, but then we had given him rather a long one! I thought, do you mean we should have called him Tom because it is easier to spell then??

One of the reasons I chose short names for my children was less writing for them and because they couldn't be shortened

From a school admin point of view the teacher is talking rubbish! The SIMS school computer system that most UK schools use has legal forename & preferred forename,legal surname and preferred surname! Quick letter to office /head teacher will get it sorted, so on register she'll appear as Lottie but on any exam sheet etc she'll be Charlotte, its bit difficult. Problem is lists from Lea will have proper full name on which is what office will have used for all paperwork. Just speak to office staff when you hand letter in its no big deal.

When DS started school his teacher asked me how I wanted his stuff labelled and I chose the shortened version of his name as that is what he is known as. No problem at all. His pegs, drawers and writing board had his nn on. He learned to spell his nn first, I write his nn on all forms for trips etc.

In year 1 his stuff was labelled with his proper name. No problem, he knows his proper name and over the course of the year got used to spelling it and his teacher always calls him by his nn anyway. Supply teachers look in the register and call him by his proper name, but he does answer to it now!

In fact, as he is known by everyone by his nn one of the TA's in the school didn't actually realise it wasn't his actual name!

This year I have an Alexander in my class. It is in the register as this. However, his 'real' name is Sacha. that is what everyone calls him; friends, family and teachers. No problem.

I am so hoping ds school use his preferred name. I so not like his legal name love his preferred and middle name.

Find it worrying that if it is so difficult to remember a pupil's name how accurate are reports? Guess that is a whole other thread.

I would find it exceedingly rude if someone other than my parents called me by something other than my preferred name same rights should be given to children.

It seems odd to me. As a supply teacher I take the register and say 'tell me if you are know as something else' because I have no way of knowing whether Samuel is Samuel or Sam. I just call them what they are generally called.

Sorry 'known'

I've been preparing stuff (name cards, peg labels) for our new starters using the list from the LEA. After the visits started and we met them properly, there are at least 3 little ones who are known by a diminutive form of their name and one little boy who's officially (something like) John Henry but is known as Henry.

The class teacher asked me to make those ones again with the children's preferred names - no problem - it's sorted.

I really can't understand why the OP's teacher has a problem with using the preferred name!

Find it worrying that if it is so difficult to remember a pupil's name how accurate are reports?

It's not about remembering the students. It's about some parents being exceptionally precious about their child's nickname. If a child is on the class register, documentation, reports, etc as Alexander but prefers to be called Alex, I don't particularly need a parent in my face getting upset because whilst their child was misbehaving one day I called them Alexander in the midst of all the commotion. I can call him Alex all the time, but the one time I slip I guarantee that parent will be going on at me, not about the fact that their child misbehaved, but about the use of his legal name.

Blisxx - but we aren't talking about 7x30 secondary students, we are talking about 12-15 new entrants.

OP - I would speak to the Head, making sure they understand that your DD will be called Lottie and I'd be asking a few questions about the teacher as she doesn't sound ideal as a new entrants teacher.

Blissx I teach in a similar school. In every class there are usually 10-20 names on the register that are foreign in origin, that I have never seen before. There are also names that I have seen, but can be pronounced slightly differently. There are children who go by completely different names from what's on the register. A lot of muslim families name one son Mohammed, but use a different name day to day.

It is very difficult when you meet a class for the first time. But I make a point of telling the children to correct me if I get it wrong, and I make a real effort to learn their names and the correct pronunciation quickly. Respect for the name is part of respect for the person IMO.

steppemum Why is is "not acceptable" to be known by a middle name? How, exactly, is it not my name? It is my name, I have been know by it since birth and it's right there on my birth certificate in its full glory. Unlike the "Vicky" of your example which is a made up nickname.

How is one more acceptable than the other?

A boy in dd1's reception class has to all intents and purposes changed his name since May half term. He is Polish and started the year with an anglicised version of his name. When I mentioned him in passing to dd recently, I was told, oh, his name is so and so now. They've reverted back to the Polish version that was originally down in all the literature we got at the start. If a bunch of 5 year olds can reel off the name of every kid in the school plus their nicknames and associated other names then I'm sure the teacher can cope.

I was known by my middle name all through primary school but when I went to grammar school they insisted I must be called by my first name.

OP - I am very confused by your post. You refer to 'first name' and 'given name', and these are normally considered to be the same thing ....... i.e a form may have a box for surname and a box for 'given name' in which the first name would be written.

So ....if you are not using either the first or middle name of your child, which name are you using?

if it is something else altogether (rather than a contraction such as Sam for Samuel) then actually I think the teacher has a point .....your child is at school to learn, and should know how to write and read their legal name. A bit of fault on your part, to be honest, if you have only taught (or allowed to nursery to teach) some other option which will never be acceptable on forms, exam entries etc etc.

MumnGran.....the child's official name is

Charlotte (middle name) (surname) but is called Lottie!

(Read the thread!)

This would make me cross too.

My DN's are called Officially Charles,Amelia and Thomas but are known as Charlie, Milly and Tom.

Not difficult and school know this.

I would take it up with school or re-do the forms.

I think the school should use the name you choose, it's mean for your DD, she's only small.

I have two names for my children, one name is only used by me though, more of a pet name really.

A shortening of a name is very normal and the teacher needs to accept it. You should teach your child her full name though she's right on that.

No 'given name' on a form is for the name,e a child uses and is known by, you put their birth certificate name in the 'official name' bit and what they are known by if its different in the given name box. So my son is Theodore, known as Theo.

is girl is Charlotte, known as Lottie, very simple.

Ds has always been called by the shortened version of his name. When he started primary they asked for his full first name and there was a box to state what he was known as, in which I put the shortened version as he only gets the full one when I'm shouting or trying to get his attention

He wasn't the greatest with his letters either but by the end of the first year he could spell the long version too.

Gah, I have the opposite problem.
DD has a perfectly reasonable first name. That's what we call her. That's how I refer to her.
I end up talking to teachers and other parents where I am using her proper name and they are replying using a nickname/shirtened version that we never use.

It irritates me because it's rude

'given name' is not a nickname. It means exactly the same as Christian name or first name. You have a family name e.g. a surname and then the name your family gave you eg given name.

There is no need to change forms or anything else. If I felt strongly about it I would just say that i really must insist that she is called the name she is used to. it's not like asking for a child to be called knickerbocker morning glory.

I still think it is important that a child know their legal name in case of an emergency where an adult who doesn't know the shortened name is reading out the register after a fire. It is not always possible to make a mark on the register as a note to other staff members or possibly even an emergency services worker.

I'm also shocked at the small number of people who have called into question the abilities of this particular teacher based on this one incident which in the grand scheme of things isn't the end of the world and more than likely is a whole school policy imposed by the head.

My DS starts school in September and the form had 'name' and 'I like to be known as' and 'name you want your child to be taught to write'.

I'm fairly sure that by the time he is old enough to fill out forms and exam entries himself, he'll have figured out how to write his legal name.

Probably wise, noblegiraffe, as the amount of posters on this thread who hadn't understood that "given" name actually refers to the name on the child's birth certificate and not a nick name bestowed afterwards is frankly staggering.

The instructions that come with the form from the Lea, say for legal name you put birth certificate and under given name put the name they go by if different from legal name. So for my other sons who dont have a shortening is rudi (ds4) so we left 'given name' blank as he so known by that which is his legal name. This is what the forms tell you to do, its bee the same each time my four boys started primary and again for high school for ds1 and ds2.