Should have held DS back another year at nursery...Help!!

[winniewoo]

Just been at DS Primary one Parent meeting. Received his report which is good but he is obviously very immature and very slow at his work. Teacher told me nicelt that he should have had another year at nursery. He is a November bday. He was spliting his funded places and one nursery said don't send the other said send him!! Could kick myself now..just thinking back I thought he was ready but if there was a shred of doubt I should not have send him. Really upset..I asked if he could repeat P1 but it's not possible and teacher thought it wouldn't benefit him..so he's really just to keep going and hope that he catchs up. Just shows what a huge decision it is..will def not send other DS ( birthday jan). Oh..I also asked why in days gone by there was none of the pressures of sending-holding back etc..but rightly so she said the work is much harder and expectations are high.
Whew..feel better now after sounding off..anyoe else been in this position?

anyone?

Where abouts are you based is primary 1 reception?

I haven't but I will be soon (ish) as dd is a February birthday. I definitely think that if there is the slightest doubt about her being ready, I will defer her starting school - tbh I think 4 is really very young to be starting school and I have heard so many stories similar to yours. One friend's son had a terrible time in Primary 1 (after his mum being told that he was fine to start school) and ended up repearing it and another friend who's son appeared to be okay has recently told me that he had major problems with the emotional side of school.

that should of course read 'repeating' it :)

We are in scotland and yes..sorry Primary 1 is reception. I just wish he could stay in P1 another year but not allowed and of course she says even if it were allowed he wouldn't thrive at all starting all over again but I think a lot of it is the social side too and just can't cope..funny thing is he enjoys school and never complains which I am thankful for.

I didn't think there was much choice about when children start in reception - don't they have to go straight into year1 if they start late? I expect that your little one will settle in fine - I'm sure that lots of other children in his class are in a similar position. My dd is in reception and I am amazed how much older she seems than the littlies who started in January, but ds is a May baby, and you wouldn't know he is younger now (he is in yr2). Woudl you be worried if the teacher hadn't said anything? Sometime I think these comments are not that helpful - she may just think that school starts too early full stop.

Try not to worry too much, though I know it's difficult. As another poster said, by Y2 or 3 you really don't know who the younger ones are anymore.

And just a question about Scottish start dates. If they're a February birthday would they start the September when they are nearly 5? And would most children be over 5? Sounds as if they are half a year older than the comparable English Reception class. A November birthday would be old in an English reception class.

In England you don't have a choice over sending/holding back unless there are documented special needs (in my experience, anyway). And the cut-off dates go with the academic year - September to August. So the oldest starters are just turning 5 and the youngest have just turned 4.

Thanks singersgirl..feeling better now.
The cut of date in Scotland is 1st March so February is very young as the children would be 4 when starting school not to be five until halfway through school year. All Jan and Feb babies are automatically given a choice and all Nov and Dec children can apply for the choice which is then automaticlly given.

I don't understand why he can't repeat p1. I think you should press for this. My friend was in the same position (and she's a teacher!!) and her DS is now in P6, going into P7 and she regrets every single day sending him when he was 4 and not 5. There was an article in the Herald recently basically saying that 4 year old boys weren't ready to start school (girls were) and that they never really caught up. Maybe someone less drunk than me could find a link. Please see if it's possible for him to repeat P1. Good luck.

I really wouldn't worry about it - lots of boys struggle with their first year at big boys school and catch up very quickly in Y1 (equivalent of primary 2).

I'd just let things ride for the next year or so and then take a view on where he is by the end of primary 2. I found that my DS seemed to mature almost beyond recognition last summer just before he entered y1. He's flying through y1 now having really bumped along during reception. I'm not sure he really 'got it' last year but he certainly does now

Good luck - I know how hard it is not to get stressed about things, but I really do think it is much to early to think about repeating a year.

Also it is supposed to be good to be the eldest in your year, but I think there are some real downsides. My dd is a September baby, and turned 5 the day before she started school. In some ways I wish she had been able to start the year before. She hated losing all her friends at nursery to big school, and is by far the tallest in her class. Yes, she is breezing through things, but I can't help but think she might have done better with more challenge. ds started in January, and turned 5 in May (his school do the two term entry - very sensible I think) he seems to grow up in a huge leap over the summer holidays, but even so he has only really started to be relatively sensible at school, and the teachers say this is fairly normal for boys. If his school report is fine, and he is enjoying himself, then really I wouldn't worry. As far as I can see Reception is really just structured nursery anyway, most of the year seems to be dedicated to getting them used to the idea of school. Do you know any other mums of boys in his class? I wouldn't be surprised if many of them have similar concerns - it certainly reassured me when the special needs teacher (not his actual class teacher though) started talking about special needs. The other boys seemed to do fairly similarly silly things too, and it was great to hear their stories. I think the teacher really wasn't being very helpful to say your ds shouldn't be there, and then say that there was nothing you could do about it. I wounder if she relly meant the work was harder for teachers (and I'm sure this is true - I don't know how reception teachers cope!)

Thanks everyone for all your comments..TBH I am feeling much better about it all. He is happy to go to school and I now think perhaps once the little ones arrive in August he will grow up even more. Yes..totally agree on the two term thing..wish life could be simple!
However certainly feeling better..PARENTING HUH! It's one big rollercoaster!
Lastly..teacher's reasons why he can't repeat P1 is that it would be right back at sounding out letters with the jolly phonics and he is now structuring sentences with words so he is coming on...(perhaps just slowly..)

Oh and my DH said 30 yrs ago when there was hardly any pre school nurseries etc..children would begin school and hardly be able to hold a pencil when they started, and over the years got there in the end so time will tell

Hi Winniewoo. i have twin boys going to be 5 next week and they have just finished P1.Is your DS 5 since November? Both boys lacked concentration at the beginning but DT1 is now doing great, he is more mature than DT2. He is really popular, is doing very well academically and his concentration skills have improved. DT2 is another story. Although he is doing well at his reading his concentration skills are not great and the teacher has to stand over him to get him to focus and finish tasks. He has improved but hes not great. He is popular but is a bit of a follower rather than a leader or initiator . However I supect that may be his personality . I would give my right arm for him to repeat P1 but like you it is not an option. Its particularly annoying as the boys were not due until July and the rule where we live (Northern ireland) is that if you are 4 before 30th June you have to start school that september. Not much help I am afraid but you are not alone

In England you don't have a choice over sending/holding back unless there are documented special needs (in my experience, anyway). And the cut-off dates go with the academic year - September to August.

I don't know what the position is for holding back, but you don't have to send your child to school until they have turned 5. So if you have a child who is 4 this August, they do not have to start school this September, they could wait until September 2007 (though I think they would go straight into year one).

My mum lives in Devon and one of her local infant schools has a good system - if their birthday is between September and February they start school in September and if it's between March and August they start in January so no-one is starting when they have just turned 4.