Help me think this out... school choice

[Nadalsballs]

Hi,

My son is due to start school next year (Sept 2014). We are currently trying to decide which school to send him to. As we don't live in a decent state school's catchment area he is going to go private.

We have two schools we're looking at, I'm keen on one whereas DH likes the other.

School One is a co-ed prep. It has just been inspected and is excellent in all areas apart from teaching and achievement (where it's rated good). It's reputation is that of a school where the kids are all really happy, it has a real family feel and is gentle and nurturing. I know a few people who have moved their children there as the children were at more academic schools but weren't academic. This school is less about academic outcome and more about sports/ music and general development of the individual child. The results of the school are ok, they don't get many children into the really good secondary schools but they do get some through the common entrance and 11+ with good results.

The second school is a single-sex prep. It is rated excellent in all areas and is known as a hot house for academic achievement with excellent results, they get loads of boys into the best local secondary schools and have great 11+ and common entrance results. We have been told though that children who aren't academic or sporty struggle, as the school is very focussed in these areas.

We were sure DS would go to School One where my DH's daughters (my step-daughters) go but I'm not so sure now. DS is a determined little thing, he doesn't respond that well to the nuturing environment at School One (he's in the nursery there) and really needs a kick up the bum as his behaviour can be "cheeky" (the school's term, not mine!). They're very nice to him but he's determined to pretty much ignore them. I'm also worried that if he is academic (as both DH and I were) he won't be pushed as much as he could be (their latest inspection says they don't push the brightest pupils) and may not end up in the most suitable secondary school for him.

On the other hand, what parent doesn't like the sound of a gentle, nuturing school where their DS is sure to be happy (everyone we've come across says their child has flourished socially and pastorally at School One)? Also, we have a DD who's 1 so a co-ed school would be easier for drop offs etc.

I really can't decide!

Any inspiration???

Sorry for the long post!

Be worth naming the schools - even if you need to name change and re-post.

I would be concerned at any school who only gets "some" children through CE to be honest - unless you were absolutely sure you wouldn't be looking at CE.

I also think a lot of schools get the reputation for hot-housing when actually they just get good results!

Start in school 1 then move at 8 if you still think the academics aren't up to scratch.

It's so hard to get into both schools, DS has been on their waiting lists since birth, so there's no guarantee of a place at 8.

I don't really understand the CE, can someone explain? They say everyone got into the secondary school of their choice but some of the chosen schools aren't thought to be very good.

Hi, it's a tough and personal decision. Here's my experience, for what it's worth. It all comes down to how involved you want to be...

I have 3 academically able children in a small nurturing school and the eldest is just leaving in a few weeks (year 6) having done really well (accepted at scholarship level for every secondary school applied for and taken level 6 sats). At various times I have debated whether to move my children to a more traditionally academic prep school, but now I'm at the end for my eldest I am so glad we stuck with the friendlier nurturing school because it has made them love learning/school.

On the whole the school environment has made my children happy and well-balanced and, very importantly, has given them time to develop extracurricular interests because they haven't had hours of homework each night (just some nights leading up to exams!). And now I can see that my eldest child has actually achieved everything I would have wanted from a "hot-house" environment. The younger children are also on track for similar levels of achievement. I think if your child is bright, you won't be able to stop them from learning. I also think that there is plenty of time for pressurised schooling later in life - they are only little once.

With other children in the picture, a school which could take all of them would be a huge benefit, leaving you time for other things besides the school runs. With regards to your child being a bit "cheeky" , if he is only in nursery school, then I think it will probably be ok once he gets into the routine of real school. But if he needs a "kick up the bum", then you can give him that! Also, if he needs to be pushed, you can do that. I guess it depends how involved you want to be.

I have come to the personal conclusion that no school is perfect and that as parents we need to be the primary educators of our children. Good luck to you...I'm sure it will all work out just fine regardless of which school you choose.

I think the question is, not what school would be best because of the facilities and atmosphere, but which school would be better for your DS.

Fwiw, good facilities mean very little if the staff have unmotivated children, and are doing a lot of pastoral care (crowd control) rather than teaching.

If your DS is academic, then choose the school where he will be challenged academically in a supportive environment. This will suit him best.

IMHO the schools with the least attractive facilities list, often suit a lot more children if their parents are interested, and the children are engaged and challenged.

Too many parents opt for the school with the shiny equipment, but if it doesn't suit the child, there's no point to it.
Hth

Yy yowza, there is no perfect school. Suit 70% of your DS's needs and supply the 30 yourself.
Also, my DD is in an extremely nurturing small primary, and the associated secondary is also outstanding, and has fabulous academic results: it is possible to have your child pushed academically and nurtured as well.
These things are not mutually exclusive.

Thanks all, that's what I want, nurturing, academic and ideally co-ed. It doesn't exist around here though. It's trying to work out what will work best for DS. It's such a difficult decision, I'm normally very instinctive but am finding it hard to get my head around this!

You can't force a parent to make always make the choice that looks the best on paper in terms of destinations, we've had parents turn down places at RGS to go to Churcher's College, doesn't look as good on paper but it's nothing the school can change!

The most important thing is that a child moves onto the right school, whether that be less academic, but fine place that will support their needs, or the ultra sporty one for those kids, or the Oxbridge hothouse etc...