Tactless son saying derogatory comments to another child

[peppajay]

Hi all
My son is just 5 and in reception. Socially he is very immature and doesn't particularly enjoy playtimes along with this immaturity he is also exceptionally observant and very very logical. Because of some of these things he has been refered to a paed for tests for Aspergers.

His lack of tact is becoming a problem and he has no idea that what he says can offend. He doesn't have many friends as he chooses to remain alone a lot of the time but he does have a friend who is overweight who he calls 'fat (childs name)', not in a derogatory way at all just in an observant way. The teacher has spoke to him about it but he doesn't get that calling someone fat is rude. Anyway there is a dwarf child (forgive me if that is the wrong terminology) in year 1 and apparently he keeps asking me why (childs name) is in year 1 as he is only 2 and he has told me he keeps telling him he is 2 at playtimes. My daughter who is in year 3 said she saw him doing it. My concern is that he is going to upset this boy not intentionally but upset him all the same. He just doesn't get it. My son gets teased as he still likes Thomas and George pig but the teasing just goes over his head he doesn't worry.

Anyway I feel for this little boy as he is obviously different to his peers and my son is making this very obvious to him. Should I mention it to the school in case they are not aware of what is going on or as this is a playground matter do I just let them sort it out??

I would mention it to school and try very hard to explain to your son thet what he is doing is unkind.It is a form of bullying and needs to be checked.

Hi. Your post made me smile, you've just described my Ds. My Ds has a dx of ASD &ADHD.

Ds would call the fat boy 'fat boy'. The dwarf...exactly the same. My Ds says it as he sees it. He's totally literal. He brought a little teddy to school for a year, even though the other children ridiculed him. The fact he dosnt notice the other childrens teasing, unfortuately won't last.

My way of dealing with it would be to talk to school. Then tell Ds clearly not to go near the other child the problems with. Like you say, he dosnt realise hes rude. He might never but he can be taught what is/isn't rude.

We've used social stories with limited success but most find them very helpful.

Its really hard at times but i read all i can to get a better understanding of Ds & his behaviours. Its the only way I've learnt to cope! Anything by Tony Attwood is great.

Good luck.

You could refer to the Dwarf child as a child with dwarfism. The child before the condition/disability.

Thanks for all your helpful comments. I will speak to his teacher tomorrow so that they are aware. I have sat down and spoke to him to try and make him understand but so hard because in his logical world he is only 2. So have just explained to him that he is just a small boy even though he is 6 and sometimes you can be small and sometimes tall it just depends how you are made and if he was 2 he wouldn't be allowed to go to school. Will see what happens at school tomorrow!!