Birthday party rules

[rrbrigi]

Hi,

My son would like a birthday party in July, so we started to organise who we will invite. First he told me he would like to invite only 3 children from his class. I told him that is probably a bit too little. A couple of days later when I asked him again than he told me that he would like to invite everybody instead of 4 children from the class. There are 26 children in his class. There we are at the moment.

I have two problems.
First my son does not like lots of people together in one place. When we go to a birthday party he hardly join into the games, because he does not have enough space and he does not like to be pushed, etc.. So I think 22 children from his class and our neighbours children and relatives would be too much for him to cope with it, in the case if everybody comes (but I think probably not all of the children coming, however he is very popular in his class).

My other problem is that 4 children who he does not want to invite because he does not like them. I think it is a bit rude not to invite them, and they have all the right to be angry with us, but in the other hands I do not want to invite them, because I want my son to be happy in his birthday party.

I explained to him, that if he invites lots of children he needs to play with them and not just sitting, and the place will be noisy (he does not like noise), but he said he understand and he does not mind it.
I am thinking about to say to him something like ?you can choose 10 children from your class who can come?. But what should I say if he asks me why?

What would you do?

One of my DD's friends has problems with lots of people and had the whole class around for her birthday party. One really good activity that her mum organsied was that she bought a cardboard house and loads of stickers/felt tips. The children all helped decorate the house but the birthday girl was the only one allowed inside it. She could retreat there whenever she wanted to.

As for why he can only invite 10 children simply tell him that there isn't room for any more...

My ds struggles with large numbers too.
We restricted to 10 children, and just told him. The venue we booked was same price for 10-16 children, but I felt 16 would be too much. He didn't ask.

If he asks you say one of: 10 are plenty of friends to play with, more children costs more money, we don't have space, that's the rule...

I wouldn't not invite just 4. If there's only 3 he really wants, then I'd invite those three and do something a bit more special.
We gave ds the choice this year between taking one friend to build a bear, or having 5 friends going bowling.

Thanks.

I meant in my posting that he would like to 22 children from his class and 4 he did not want to invite.

We do the party at home and we have a big garden.

So you think the idea to limit the number of children who he can invite is a good point?

I would let him do what he wants - invite three children to enjoy his birthday. There is no reason for him to have more.

I remember reading on here that a good guide for the number of children is the age they are. Ie four kids to a fourth birthday party five children to a fifth birthday party etc.

It has worked for us tbh (I have two kids 8 and 5). I would speak to him and ask is teacher who he plays with. Their friendship groups seem to shift a lot at this age. Get the list as near to the party as possible as it can all change in a week or two!

Meant to say if he does not like crowds try to be a little structured with activities that we he knows what is coming and don't be pressured by what other parents do. The herd is not always right!!!

I too would let him invite the 3 children he wants. Lots of children get overwhelmed with big crowds at parties. Why not let him celebrate with his close friends as he asked you ?

set a number ( 10 is fine, so is 4 ) , if you are pushed for a reason for that number the answer is space ( or cost).

I wouldn't let him exclude 4 children from the class. That is just unkind. If he only wants 3 children there, then go with that.

Knowing that he struggles with noise and crowds, I think he was very mature in wanting only three people there and I don't know why you didn't accept that and are now confusing him with different options. Let him invite his three friends and enjoy the day!

Agree with others. If he only wants 3 children go with that. Can either do stuff at home or maybe go out to soft play/ cinema and meal/picnic at park whatever... depending on age and what he likes and you can cope with.

If big garden and weather kind party food for 3 children in garden plus a den etc sounds fun [blanket tent etc..].

Go with the three, and be really grateful that you've managed to avoid the whole class party!

Not inviting just a few children is really rude, regardless of your excuse. Invite no more than half, or invite everyone is my rule of thumb.

Another thumbs-up to inviting just three children as your son asked. He doesn't like noise and crowds. It seems like a perfect plan.

Do tell the parents of the children you invite that there will only be a few children at the party... "so please do let me know if there's any problem and your child can't come after all." Then they won't think it doesn't really matter if their child fails to turn up on the day.

You are making an unnecessary fuss. Let him have the three he wants. Four children together will have a great time and will feel very special to be the chosen few.

Think of all the hassle you'll save yourself too.

Thanks for the answers. My reason to tell my son not to invite only 3 children, because where we were in birthday parties there were always lots of children and I though that the 3 children would feel a bit uncomfortable. We are not English and I am new to this "birthday party" things, in my country the children start to do birthday parties when they around 14 years old (this is the time when they go to secondary school).

But if you say that is not a problem to invite only 3 children, I am happy to do it.

Just having the three will be perfectly fine, especially for a party at home. He will have a lovely time with the friends he wants. You can do some organised games and have some free play time too.

If you are having the party at home with your relatives and neighbours children, then 3 kids from his class is absolutely fine.

I would make sure you are discreet about handing out the invitations. There shouldn't be any problems with parents, but you don't want to upset other kids, if it can be avoided.

Also pop a note on the invite saying it's a "with family at home" party, and the parents (and siblings if you like) are very welcome to stay. Maybe write a little about what is going on at the party as well. (Entertainment, food etc) In my son's school there are many different cultures with different ideas about parties, so we are used to getting a little note about what to expect.

A bouncy castle would be really cool for a small number of kids if your budget will stretch to it. Party bags as well.

My son doesn't like big crowds or noise at some elses party but all these things are acceptable at a party in his own home! I think he feels more at ease and proud that it his own party.
And as for not inviting those 4 children, you asked him so you gave him the choice. I personally wouldnt bother about inviting them. You can't invite all of the kids all of the time, and no doubt there will be parties that your son won't nesseccarily be invited to. Surely that wouldn't make you angry, you should be relieved not having to buy another birthday present!

3 is fine. 10 is fine. 22,leaving out just 4, is a bit (ok, a lot) mean in my view, but there really aren't "rules"

10 is only fine if that inc boys and girls. As a class of 26 could there be half girls, half boys? If so, inviting 10 boys out of say 13 boys would be very mean. If its both sexes or a single sex class then 10 seems okay. I'd still go with 3 though!

The only rule should be what your son wants, I hate the rules related to parties