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Primary education

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How do I deal with a homework avoider?

18 replies

NarkyNamechanger · 09/06/2013 12:57

Ok first up I'll admit I was exactly the same at school which is why I want to tackle this problem while he is young.

Ds1 is very bright. G & T for reading and maths. Currently in year 4 but about to move to middle school and start year 5 where homework is properly set , scheduled and marked.

At the moment he's a nightmare just doing the little he gets from first school. Forgets he has it, leaves vital pieces at school, procrastinates and finally cries when I get cross and make him do it.

I've tried leaving him to it but he ends up taking in poor and rushed attempts and I get a call from his teacher asking why he's not done it.

As I said he's bright so that int the issue but his motivation obviously is. I don't like homework as it is but accept that it is a necessary evil.

Advice greatly received!

OP posts:
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Earlybird · 09/06/2013 13:00

What does he like to do?

Does he collect anything?

Give him incentives/rewards in exchange for homework done/good grades.

Earlybird · 09/06/2013 13:05

Oh, and when he gets a good result because he's done his work well/thoroughly - give him lots of attention and praise. Positive reinforcement often works better than threats.

One last thing - at your ds' age, he is probably looking for some freedom/privileges. I've told dd that these things come with being more responsible, so if she proves to me she can hold up her end of the bargain, she is rewarded. If not, her life is more boring and she is treated a bit more like a young child in terms of choices and independence.

MadamNoo · 09/06/2013 13:09

I have found it really helps to have a set routine and do a little bit every day, that way it can be a habit and is less of a battle when you bring it up. Come home, have a snack, do just 15 or 20 mins.

tiggytape · 09/06/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teacherwith2kids · 09/06/2013 13:23

I would suggest two approaches - the first is a set routine, and the swcond is getting the school 'on side'.

Speak to the school and describe the problem. Both you and the teacher should make the same, clear point - doing homework is required, and not doing it at home to the required standard will mean having to do it in school time. Ask the teacher for help in making certain that it does come home!

Set aside a regular time to do homework - each night if that is appropriate, or on specific days if that is how homework is given. Provide all equipment etc and be available but not actively lurking over him. That is homework time - he is required to sit down at that point and do homework. At the end of the allotted time, time is up and whatever he has completed is taken into school. If it's not completed, note on the homework why - if he didn't do it, say so, if he worked very hard for the allotted time but didn't get it all done, note that.

Then ask the school to apply consequences for incomplete / poor / undone homework. Missing break and lunchtime play in order to complete it would be 'normal practice', but there may be other valid alternatives e.g. before school, in particular lessons etc (if the school has a proportion of children who cannot do homework at home due to e.g. poor housing / being in a B&B with 5 members of their family / having no access to books or writing materials etc etc, then they may well already have arrangements such as a homework club). The school shouldn't be asking YOU why homework isn't done - they should be asking your child, and the consequences should be applied to him directly, not to him via you IYSWIM.

teacherwith2kids · 09/06/2013 13:23

X-posted with tiggy

Heifer · 09/06/2013 13:30

totally agree re routine. DD is yr 4 (9) and has homework every school night that is due back the next day. It's only ever 20 mins worth + reading and spellings to learn. It has become part of the days routines. Get home, get changed, snack, homework, free... It's harder when she has after school activities but I still try to stick to the routine (just later).

We only only have trouble after holidays when the routine has been broken. However often I think next time we must do 20 mins each day in the holidays I never do....

PassTheTwiglets · 09/06/2013 13:49

Tbh, I wouldn't do it. I don't believe that homework adds anything to primary education (and there is research to back that up). I appreciate that I'm in the minority with this though :)

NarkyNamechanger · 09/06/2013 13:50

I hope you're right. It is very difficult to get him in a routine for it when it's so sporadic. Glad to hear it should be easier when there is more of it!

I hate that he thinks it's me making him do it. I'm a childminder and mindees don't leave until 6pm so not sure whether to get him to do it in his bedroom, coming down to ask for help if needed or sit him downstairs at 6pm if needed. I might look into homework club at the new school, thanks for the tip off.

OP posts:
NarkyNamechanger · 09/06/2013 13:53

X posts- passthetwiglets me too but I also know he will be even worse at knuckling down if I don't at least try now.

OP posts:
kimmills222 · 10/06/2013 16:15

Give him a reward every time he finishes his homework, like his favorite snack or his favorite cartoon show. Or you may tell him that if he gots good grades in the class then you would take him on a trip to somewhere he loves.

sittinginthesun · 10/06/2013 16:28

I also agree with the routine thing. We set aside time specifically for homework (ds1 is year 4, and he reads for 45 mins per night, and then does all of his homework at the weekend at the moment - his choice).

I clear the table, pens etc ready, start at a set time, and finish when it is done.

Because its absolutely non negotiable, they just get on with it.

MammaMedusa · 10/06/2013 18:13

Have you read the book Calmer, Easier, Happier Homework?

Nothing in it is radical or new, but I still found it very useful.

www.amazon.co.uk/Calmer-Easier-Happier-Homework-Revolutionary/dp/1444730274/ref=pd_sim_b_1

NarkyNamechanger · 10/06/2013 19:59

Just had a preview look at that book and it looks really useful. It seems to follow all the advice here, Routine Reduces Resistance.

I'm a complete list lover so this is just up my street. :)

OP posts:
xylem8 · 11/06/2013 18:47

Speak to the school, explain the situation and that in future you will remind him to do his homework but not force the issue, and they will have to sanction him if it isn't done.

formica5 · 11/06/2013 22:59

My son is also G&T. We don't bother with homework as he hates it. Happy to do it once we hit secondary but at the moment I'd prefer he was playing and having fun at home.

MidniteScribbler · 12/06/2013 02:07

Primary Teacher who hates homework here. But (annoyingly) it is something that is expected. You'd be surprised how many parents actually come storming in demanding to know what is going on when you don't set homework one night.

Get the teacher on board (this is essential!). Have a meeting and discuss the issues so s/he knows that you are working to address it, and not just choosing to ignore it and come up with a way together to tackle it. She knows your son and what will motivate him.

I'm not a big fan of punishment for not doing homework. Recess is actually necessary for kids to eat, run around, let off some steam and recharge for the afternoon. Kids who don't get to do that aren't as effective learners. Punishment is not going to encourage them to do homework, it will make them resent it more. They'll end up doing it, but they won't actually learn anything from doing it.

If your son is advanced for his level, is the homework actually too boring for him? Photocopied worksheets are not effective homework, so perhaps you could address that as well. Is there other more effective work he could do? You could suggest some alternatives for him. For example, when we do weights and measures, I ask the children to cook a recipe (of their choice) at home, take a picture of the finished product, and write a short piece about cooking the dish. The kids all love it and I've never had any complaints about them doing it. Another task is to go to the supermarket with their parents and do a few activities around weighing items. Applying what they have learnt to real world tasks is far more important than worksheets.

Also, buy him a really cool diary with whatever character/superhero/etc that he likes. Ditto with a funky folder. Let him pick them. Get the teacher to encourage him to write his homework in the homework diary, and to put any papers needed in the folder so it doesn't get lost. Before you leave school in the afternoon, make sure he has everything he needs to complete the tasks, so there is no excuse for not completing it.

At home, pick a time and place that will become homework time. Generally, sending them to their bedroom and expecting them to get on with it when they're already demotivated isn't going to help. My best suggestion is when you're cooking dinner. Have him set up at the bench/table with his books and start talking to him about his day. What did he play at lunchtime, did they go to the library, how was sport lessons? Then ask about what he learnt that day. What did they learn in maths? Did he understand what he learnt? Ask him to explain it to you (pretend you don't understand and need him to teach you). Get him to complete the homework tasks as part of his showing you what he learnt. Kids often love thinking that they can teach their parents something, and the process of teaching it to you can make him think more effectively about it. It's one thing to know something, but it takes deep understanding to be able to teach it.

Discuss interesting extension work around the tasks he is learning (and trying to teach you). If he's learning about dinosaurs, suggest a trip together to the museum on the weekend, or get on the net together and look up something. Rent a DVD which relates to what is currently being studied, make some popcorn and sit down together to discuss it. Make it fun and interesting and encourage him to look deeper in to what he is learning.

Good luck OP.

Blueskiesandbuttercups · 12/06/2013 11:00

My year 4 son used to be like that.

I simply read him the riot act ie you have to do homework,it needs to be top quality and if you don't do it properly it will go in the bin and you'll start again.There will be zero screen time until it's done.You will need to pass exams to get a job one day which will involve homework so get used to it.

The amount he has is hardly challenging.

We don't do it during the week.Weekend morning is best.

He does it beautifully now, they all do.

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