DD and Mean Girls mentality in Y1!!

[helluvaride]

DD is currently in Y1, she has a love hate relationship with her friends in that they are close and then fall out and so on. Sometimes she comes home upset as they have left her out and in some cases started to criticise her appearance (she has lazy eye, sometimes has to wear glasses). How do I deal with this and get my daughter to a)stand up for herself when she is being teased b) ignore the 'bitchiness'. Mean girls mentality was unexpected and I'm now worried she will be bullied. How does she deal with this?

On another point, one of DD friends can be a little so and so, we've had her round and she's been disagreeable, broken stuff tantrummed and generally not been pleasant. I prefer playdates when her DP are with us. I've organised a 6th birthday party for DD at our house and only invited a few of her friends, in a way to see how they all interact and to stop the teasing of my DD. The difficult child hasn't been asked however I think one of the other mum's may have mentioned party in front of difficult child's mother. I don't like to keep secrets and private but I really didn't want her to come as she seems to cause the most tension and disharmony.

I feel awful though, do I invite her DD? I'm starting to feel anxious that it will be awkward at the school gates.

Sorry if my post sounds confusing, I basically don't want my DD bullied and belittled and from my own perspective I don't want other mums to be funny with me, school gates are stressful enough without being ignored. Help!

If you don't want her there, don't invite her - if you'd invited the whole class and left one out that would be different but in this situation she hasn't been singled out so don't feel pressured into inviting her.

Your party and home, so invite who you want. Agree with poster above that if you had invited the whole class it would be different.

Have you spoken to the school about what is going on? there is friendship problems in my dd's class and the school are dealing with it and on the look out for further issues arising.

To be honest, if one girl was teasing my daughter I'd have no problem inviting the whole class and leaving her out.

If it's only a few friends round then don't worry at all.

If her dm says something then you can reply with "We had to limit it to just a few as we don't hae the space. Not all dd wanted to invite could be invited".
Don't need to say her dd wouldn't have been anyway.
But I doubt anything will be said, most mums do know that not everyone can be invited.

And do speak to the school and put in concern, don't talk about playdate behaviour, mention your dd has been upset at some of the things said, particularly over the glasses.
And buy her lots of pretty accessories for the glasses, you'll have half the girls desperate to have glasses too then.

Sadly this seems to be far too common in 6year old girls my DD is 6 too and luckily she herself seems to not get involved and literally doesn't understand the "mean" girls, but others have really suffered. I thinks it's all about pecking order. What I have realised is that other than talking things through with my own DD, its best to leave them to it. I tend to feel that the mean girls will get their comeuppance eventually.

It's hard to see your child sad though

My Dd also having friendship issues in yr 1 - being the only one not invited to a party despite it being a very small year group . She has Cerebral Palsy so I also have concerns about bullying. We've taught DD to respond with humour to any mean comments and she's getting pretty good at the witty retorts already!

I agree though that if this girl is being mean you wouldn't want her there. I also think it's worth talking to the teacher about this girl's behaviour. It's sad but we deliberately didn't have a party for DD this year as couldn't deal with these friendship issues!

Thank you all, I'm feeling better now after your very valid points. I am going to speak to school too, I wasn't expecting 'bitchiness' at such a young age!

It makes me sick to the pit when she comes home saying they have excluded her from a game, to the point where my irrational head says move schools or home school but know I need to toughen up too.

itsnothingoriginal I like your style of humourous retorts , must try that with my DD as I'm worried about her being bullied and feeling inferior, I will also look at jazzing up her glasses as she sometimes refuses to wear them because this particular girl has said they are ugly .

Thanks mumsnetters, feeling like I can sleep better tonight and look forward to her birthday now!

Actually if anyone has any witty retorts that I can give to her to deal with this obnoxious little misses I'd gladly take!
Thank you x