Bullying/friendship issues between daughter and my friends daughter

[peppajay]

I was approached by my friend at school this morning to tell me that my daughter and her friends are bullying her daughter. Her daughter was distraught going to school this morning because apparently at the end of last week 5 or 6 girls were being extremely mean to her at playtime. Apparently this isn't a one off they are often mean to her and she thinks it is because her daughter is 'the cleverest child in the school'. It is only a very small school and playtimes are supervised very well so I dont know how this wasnt picked up by the teachers.

I havent had time to speak to my DD yet as this was after school drop off, but I will be having words with her after school however I do wish my friend had mentioned this earlier as I could have spoke to my DD over the weekend.

Her daughter finds school hard as she isn't one of the popular girls she is extremely bright and she and her mother, my friend ,shout it from the rooftops. She is extremely bossy, likes to provoke arguments and is extremely precocious. Her mother works full time and her and her bro and sis are looked after by a childminder after school, but they have to keep changing childminders as childminders cannot cope with the way this child speaks to and treats other children as well as the adults in authority. Out of school or in playtimes etc she will only do things HER way!! I can't have her in my house anymore as she winds my children up something chronic.

She is a very hard child to parent as she feels she is alot older than 6 and tells everyone she is 12!! Her bro and sis are totally different to her and are really lovely children and my friend tries so hard with her but does struggle.

I know that my DD and her friends do not play with this child anymore because they find her bossy and boasty but what they did was still exrtremely wrong, and I am going to tell her tonight to just keep out of her way and if she doesnt want to play with her than don't and play with her other friends but do not antagonize her and what she did was exteremely mean. But when this child is in my house which isn't often now as it causes too many arguments, she has no manners and no idea of how to behave, but as an adult I deal with it as best I can but I don't know what advice I can give to my daughter to help her deal with this child when she is at school, to avoid a situation like this happening again.

Before you tell your dd off, do listen to her side of the story.

When you have your dd's side of the story, I would go into school and see if they have a view, and explain the situation. There's a strong likelihood that they are aware, and will be able to help your dd deal correctly with the situation. Also if your friend goes into school making accusations of bullying then they will be ready to hear both sides.

"Mean in playground" could be "we won't let you play because we don't like you" or "we won't play the game your way". The first is unacceptable, the second is reasonable, although at year 1 level probably said in not a very tactful way.

I think in the situation you describe, and considering how old they are, the best thing to do would be to fetch an adult to help them work it out.

I would definitely be talking to the classteacher before taking any action.

Personally no matter how much hard work you think this child is, the fact is that this child has been upset about going to school and is struggling. If my dd had something to do with this I would be talking to her about being tolerant and understanding of others and helping her to react in a different way. I think your friend may have been better off speaking to the teacher rather than directly to you. It may well be that this child is hard to get on with but I guess my feeling would be that more socially mature children should be expected to respond in a different way.

I wouldn't tackle it with your DD. Your friend should have gone to the school, and that's what I'd do if I were you. Go and talk to the teacher.

What happens in school stays in school - in as far as I think your friend was wrong to approach you and not go through the school.

This is something the school should be dealing with - it is happening on their watch! You could talk to your dd but how could you possibly know what is going on between them all?

The teachers need to speak to all of them and it should be easy enough to sort out - girls can really be like this, they need some discussions about how they should be treating each other at play time.