Should we tell daughter we plan to move her school?

[kellank]

I really dont know what to do for the best so would appreciate some opinions from other mums.

DD is in year 2, summer born and very large primary school.

DS went to same school and now at secondary. He is academic and did well but think he would have done well anywhere so I dont put that down to the school. He missed out on a lot of extra- curricular activities he was interested in due to the large number of children and there were never enough places on offer.

He has been quite amazed at the opportunities his new friends had at their much smaller schools.

DD is very shy and introverted. She's not keen on learning and needs encouragement. She had a great year 1 teacher and came on well. In year 2 she has reverted back to how she was in reception.

She quite likes her school and is settled there. I have spoken to other parents who still have children at the school and who have other children at secondary. The general view is that if your child is quiet and not that interested in school they kind just blend into the background.

I have not yet told DD that she is on the waiting list for another local, smaller primary. I have also been to look round. I feel very guilty about this and perhaps it is wrong of me not to tell her.

Does anyone have any advise about this?

Sorry it's long!

Do you know where you are on the waiting list for the smaller school?

If a place is likely to come up before September, I would just explain what you have just said above in a way that your dd will understand and say that you'll go and look round the new school together when a place comes up.

If it's not likely to happen for a while, I wouldn't say anything at the moment.

Hi, we are at the top of the list so could be anytime.

I wouldn't tell her at the moment, and I wouldn't feel guilty about not telling her either. We are in a similar(ish) situation. Have just been offered place at catchment junior (we moved mid year and DCs got into second choice primary). Although they are settled and happy and we are happy with the school, there are various reasons we're considering moving them. We are going to look round the new school without them but I am definitely not going to say anything until we have made a decision as I think it would just upset them.

Thanks papooser. It will definately upset her so didnt want her to know too far ahead.

The problem with delaying telling children that they may well be moving schools is that you'll be given a very short time frame in which to accept a new offer.

A friend of mine was offered a place on a Tuesday and had overnight to accept or decline it with a view to starting in 2 days time. Don't know if that's common practice, and whether you wait or not partly depends on how you think your children will cope with sudden change or whether they'd be best off with a bit of time to get used to the idea.

I think it's a bit different if you're only considering moving her to your situation where you sound certain that you will move her when a place comes up.

We moved our daughter at a similar age, at the end of year 2, she's also summer born. We didn't tell her after the place was confirmed because a) she has a big mouth and would have told the whole school within half an hour and b) we didn't want to get her hopes up if it wasn't definitely going to happen. I'd keep quiet until anthing is confirmed.

Often the time between offer and taking up the place is very short. It can be finding out on a Friday and starting a new school on the Monday, usually less than a week in the cases I know of.

One of dd's classmates wasn't told until the new place became available. She was in y4 and her sister in y2. The littlest child was so upset she refused to even go back to her original school for the final two days.
The elder child, dd's friend came in the day after being told by was so upset she had to go home by lunchtime.

That's in contrast to another classmate who did know she was leaving for a few months, the class was able to say goodbye properly and exchange email addresses, etc. The girl was upset initially but nowhere bear to that extent. She was able to get sorted and prepared for it and although her last day was sad for her and her friends, it was far less of an ordeal as she had had the chance to get her head round it. She also had a sister, also in y2 at the time.

Having moved our DD (she finished yr1 and did two weeks in yr2 before moving schools), I think I would sow the seed now.

DD had a few days for us to give the new school the right spin, but we had mentioned in the holidays that there was another school she could go to and that definitely helped in the transition.

We would say things like 'I believe .... School is really good'. Or 'did you know .... School goes swimming every week' and other little snippets just now and again.

DD also found her class noisy and disruptive, one of the reasons we moved, but not the only one, so we would also mention the quieter and smaller classes when she came home upset about something that had happened.

When it came to the move, the thinking about it and the stress we went through contemplating it, was far worse than actually doing it!

I'd do what Paddling suggests - you can sow the seed now without saying enything too definite.

Thanks for the advice. Will mention it now and do as paddling has suggested.

i moved both my dds earlier this year because we moved house. It has been quite difficult to deal with as dd2 was really happy, dd1 is ecstatic to be out of there, though not unhappy just less useful friendship circle.

One thing once we moved house and waiting for a place, the girls felt like they were in limbo at the old school. Other people were a bit less interested in them too. I think paddling's suggestion is great but would avoid talking about moving her. Once we were offered places we were also allowed to look round with dd so they could understand where they were going then we moved pretty much the next day. Limbo was not great for anyone.

Oh god, please don't. My dd is in a class with a girl who has been 'leaving' since Sep. It's been a sodding nightmare. Girl in question has been disruptive, upset, angry and withdrawn. And she's still there and is likely to be for the forseeable future.
Her reaction is totally understandable (and your child may handle it better) but it's not been helpful for her or the rest of her classmates.
I honestly think it would have been better for all concerned if nothing had been said until she was going.