Would really love some advice about whether to move my dd to another school.

[karensb]

My dd is currently at a private all girls school in yr 2. We are in Bucks so have the 11+ and grammar schools. So my parents are paying for her to go to private school as we got a poor school in reception.

Anyway, my problem is that although her school is great, weare wondering if it would be better for her to go to a co ed private primary. I really can't decide what to do as she is happy at her current school so thought I could list the pros and cons of each school and would welcome your advice.

Current school
All girls so may get bitchy
Very wealthy parents who are quite cliquey.
She is very happy
Doing well academically
Has a senior school attached so lots of children go onto that
She would be one of only a few to leave to go to grammar
She is a tomboy so a lot of the girls annoy her as she doesn't like their games
She is popular
Has a close friend
Small class sizes

New school
Co ed
Great 11+results and everyone moves on together
Great sports
Larger class size
Less girl friends to choose from

She is happy, I just feel like there could be better for her. Se likes playing with boys but is this worth uprooting her?

She does lots of outside activities with boys, but I just feel the atmosphere at the new school could be more relaxed.

Don't know what to do!

Please chuck your advice at me. It helps to think things through.

Very sad facy to think it's a good idea if your child doesn't have friends round in the holidays- particularly when followed by "your house will be tidier"

Depends how much you like kids in general, I guess. Different strokes innit.

No. Because it's not about how the parent feels. It's about the child. Being pleased that your child has so little in common with the other children in their class that they don't want to invite anyone over is more than sad.

The cricket season is just starting. Girls & boys play mixed in under 9's (not sure about under 11's) so there's another mixed sporting option.

Thanks for all your opinions. It helps think through things.

Not sure what going to do.

When I say she may be happier, I mean that the coed school do more of the things she enjoys as yes she is a bmx biking, tomboy child . An all girls school just doesn't offer football and rugby. She makes friends easily and already does loads of activities with boys but its not the same as seeing same boys every day.

I disagree about boys not playing with girls at school. That may be the case in the playground, which is all parents see, but in the classroom as they are in mixed groups, they integrate well together.

We will keep on thinking!

(smiley icon thingy) - I never said my children have no friends either at school or at home, I pointed out that there is a lot to be said for NOT having extra kids maurading around - life for us isn't about always putting the children first, its for all six of us to be getting along, a mum whose cheesed off with wiping down walls and seperating squabbles sure aint no fun to be around.

Um...sorry if you said this and I missed it, but have you asked your dd?

I make the decisions, or rather ( oops!) dh and I make the decisions, but I would definitely take my lead on this one from my child. If she wanted to move, and was involved in the decision to do so, she probably wouldn't be all that disturbed by the change. If she doesn't want to move, then I certainly wouldn't move her at this point, personally.

ps my girls are at a co-ed state primary, and both of them have friends who are boys. Less so dd1 (who is 9), and she finds some of the boys disruptive, but even though she doesn't play much with them she really likes a few of them, and enjoys studying with them eg in her maths group.

I went to single sex schools from the age of 8, and tbh I'm leaning towards co-ed for the girls, given a choice. IF they want co-ed, that is. I do listen to their preferences, they inform our choices.

Hi karensb:

I think you are conflicting a few things: educational achievement vs. wide range of friends (and possibly additionally your feelings about them/ their parents).

Question 1: What is this about? Is it about your DDs educational achievement (giving her the best possible start in life)? If so, as the school seems to be doing well by her - why change course?

Question 2: Are you unhappy with the school or just feel 'excluded' or 'put off' by a certain 'in-crowd' of parents? I can assure you this kind of thing happens at State schools too (and read MN about the school gate crowds in state schools). Say hello, be friendly, chat about the forthcoming field trip, etc... but remember that you don't have to be friends with these people.

Question 3: Do you genuinely believe girls don't get bitchy in the state sector? I hate to disillusion you - but they can do it there as well as anywhere else. Worse yet, my DD2 (Y3) & her chums are coping with two little boys who are absolutely merciless about teasing children when they can't read out loud well or can't do a maths problem (this has been going on since Y1). Boys snigger and say cutting things too, I can assure you.

I have two DDs in a fairly mediocre and unambitious state primary school but both are doing very well (largely because I'm spinning my wheels on the homefront to ensure that's the case). We have seriously considered moving and even made a start but a redundancy scare put us off. We're through that now and secure once again, but DD1 is in Y5 and in our area there is 11+ - so we're holding steady.

It's very rare these days that friends from primary school remain your friends throughout your life. I realise the parents of your DD's school mates may be a bit trying, but that doesn't mean that the children are. It may be hard to keep up with children who are jetting off here, there and everywhere and have every possible gadget - but that shouldn't put you off sending her there. Her grandmother has made this possible (lucky you) and a solid foundation educationally is the best possible start in life you can give a child. There's only 4 more years and trust me - in the state sector Y6 can be spent cramming for SATs day in and day out - which is a senseless waste of time/ opportunity for high achieving pupils. I've had two friends with bright boys literally have to forcibly drag them to school in Y6, because they were so bored they completely hated going to school and quite understandably couldn't see the point of endlessly reviewing things they already knew how to do.

I think if the issue is that your Tom Boy DD wants to do things that aren't offered at school and with boys - why not consider really searching around your community to see what is going on. Remember that Boy Scouts (so Cubs for her) do take girls now. Also there seem to be tons of rock climbing centres (many offering biking as well) springing up everywhere - look into whether something like that is nearby and offers lessons for children? Then perhaps you can get the best of both worlds - a great education and opportunity to extend network of friends and be a bit of a tom boy.

If she's happy I would not move her. No school is ever going to be perfect and the grass can seem greener on the other side of the fence. My dd is at an all girls school and it is obvious to me now that she is 9 that it has provided a very nurturing environment for her - she is doing very well and works solidly, having been quite a distractable 6 year old.

I've heard it said that girls do better in an all girl school and boys do better in a co-ed school but no idea how true this is.

Thanks for all your comments

I have asked my dd and her first instinct was that she wants to move to the co ed school.

Te coed school is still private so the same opportunities there.

Her current school seems to be flawed in the academic sense that they just let the girls coast. In the last two years she has not leant anything apart from serious basics in English and maths. I am extending her at home. She is never pushed and has developed a lazy atttitude towards hwk and spellings as never needs to learn them. When she moves to yr 3 she won't finish school till 3.50 and will have hwk every night so there won't be time for me to extend her and let her do the activities she enjoys.

She does 3 activities a week that are mainly with boys and loves them.

The co ed school we are considering has a good academic reputation, has boys!! And is very sporty.

I dot believe in being pushy academically but I think I child should be challenged within reasonable boundaries and my dd is getting bored as she is never extended. She spent last year helping others once she had finished her works!!

The worrying thing is that this seems to be a problem throughout the school .

If school was just about building confidence then yesi would happily leave her where she is.

I just have had a niggly feeling for a long time that it is not a rounded enough education. This is our last chance to move her as spaces are rare.

We are thinking of sending her for a few taster days to see how she gets on.