my 7 yr old is failing all expected age targets and hates school

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Dear mumsnet. My youngest is a bright, happy boy who loves all things physical, asks great questions, junk models with gusto but loathes reading, writing, spelling, numeracy. This is now - as far as the school is concerned - about inclination not ability. I agree but am asking myself is this a maturity thing and he can't see the point or is there something in him that makes this so damn hard. To be honest the easy option for him would be to follow the crowd but he doesn't. He has no behavioural issues, he is not clumsy, no bed wetting, doesn't like change and is just as happy playing by himself as with others, Great relationaship with his brother and us. Do I wait and see or do I intervene? He is not happy and for what ever reason, school is not engaging his interest - and I do think it is a good school. (small - only 108 children) Please help!

Hi, have you had his eyes tested? It's free at any local optician.
Have a look through the list of symptoms on the dyslexia uk web site with him.

Otherwise, you will just have to make it clear that he has to do it. Tell him, when he gets better at it, it will become easier.
We did reward based reading with my boys early on. Read a book - get a star! get 30 stars get a toy!
Or, when you have done your spellings you get go to on the computer/watch TV. The quicker you do it, the quicker you can go on the pc.

Maths bingo on the ipad is a good ap, both my 5 and 7 year olds like it.

Can't u talk to him and explain that learning to read and write is important, and why it is, and ask him what he finds difficult about it, or why he dislikes it?

Many years ago, my son did not take to reading and I had to explain why he needed to learn. I helped him a lot at home (mainly with tricky words like 'said, who, thought, any, many ...), and once he had learned to read, things went from better to better.

My first step would be to keep questioning him about it.

Have you considered home education? Seriously, so many families are going down that route now for various reasons.

Is he learning to hate these subjects because he gets nagged about them, do you think? And he can see the gap in ability between himself and the others in his class? Can you afford a tutor?

When he asks for things could you write

The Easter eggs are in an oval container at the bottom of the neighbour's garden

on pieces of card for him to read?

I'm not sure how telling somebody that they have to do something that they hate is going to motivate them to be better at it. Could some of the people who advise that route go into a little more detail? (I'd be inclined to think that approach would just make the problem worse.)

I think you might be right about maturity. I would try to make things relevant. If he is building read the lego instructions with him, follow the words with your finger and say things like 'good job I can read this as its a tricky bit'. Get him to make a list for something he wants, no list no treat. Show him what he can read when he has got threw the boring phase, show him Beast Quest and bribe him with a chapter at bed time, if he reads to you first of course. Sounds a bit like he is full of energy and cant see the point.

I think Merrin might be right. However, OP, could you give us some more information like is he in Y2 or Y3, is he just 7 or nearly 8? When you say he is falling behind targets, is he behind what is expected for his age, or is he behind aspirational targets that were set specifically for him? Is it entirely lack of inclination or have you noticed any specific difficulties where reading, writing, spelling and numeracy are concerned. If it is just lack of enthusiasm rather any real lack of ability, these things will improve with maturity.

Another vote for eye test, you'd be surprised how many children don't get picked up without a test.

Has he told you what he dislikes. More detail needed. Also age.

Is he young for his class?

OP - more detail would be great but your description so far sounds like one of three main possibles to me:

1. There's something he finds difficult (potentially eyes as suggested etc) with regard to academic learning, and support is needed.
2. He may be a physical learner - this is very common in boys especially, and they often dislike academic subjects as it doesn't suit their preferred learning style.
3. A maturity issue as others have suggested.

If 1) the issue needs to be identified and helped (my pet fear is telling a child off for not working to then find they had a problem! The guilt would be awful!)

If 2 or 3 - he needs lots of emotional support and encouragement, and as Mashabell said, try to explain the purpose and importance of education. (Plus he will improve naturally over time.) And hopefully getting the school to help in this encouragement of him too. Reward schemes and lots of praise always good!

Learnandsay - you asked why tell someone who hates something that they still have to do it. I understand what you mean - that this might seem counterproductive. But sadly for all of us life contains things we don't like to do! How many of us want to pay taxes...? So with children you can wait until they are older and then hit them with the sudden shock of this fact, or slowly try to get them used to the idea over time, starting young. There are good arguments for both sides (let them enjoy their childhood vs prepare them for life early) and I'm not preaching one over the other as it's ultimately parental choice and what suits your own child. In the case of a child who doesn't like education much though, obviously as a teacher I am biased! Once any difficulty has been ruled out, I would tend to say very sympathetically that I quite understand it can be boring and no fun (let's face it, wouldn't we all rather be out playing in the sunshine too?!) but also explain gently that these skills still will be needed in life. And then support, encourage, etc, to make the pain of doing something you don't want to hopefully as bearable as possible!

My now 9 year old, was not inclined to read. I didn't push him, but I always read to him. Then I would ask him to read a paragraph, page or read until he wanted to stop. That way I could check that he could read and give him some positive feedback.

Comics are good, we bought Simpsons comic books and I liked the red nose readers (nonsense).

He reads fine now in year 5, but comprehension and writing is weak. But recently saw a selective secondary school which he loves, he asked me what he needs to do to get in and then asked for a tutor.

All of the previous posters make great points but no child is similar, they wend there own path and all the skills they need appear at different times.

Dededum you sound like a great mum - supportive and understanding! (Comics are a fab approach too.) And couldn't agree more re each child is different. Hope your son gets the school he wants!

And I have to say all the sport that my DS2 means he is a great team player, learnt determination and the power of hard work to get what you want.

Dear All. Thank you for your advice and support. He is in yr 2 and was a January baby. I have asked him what he likes at school and the consistent answer is eating his packed lunch! He concedes to liking junk modelling but not even the PE as it is so specific. I will get his eyes checked but have not noticed the bottom creep towards the TV that you usually get but it could be more subtle. School have now come back and say he has undergone a raft of tests and is within normal parameters (!) and perhaps because he is in such a high performing year, he just sticks out. I am not terribly happy with this as it is not his ability that is in question here but getting him to engage with learning. I will renew comics. We do lots of games on line together and yes, the if you do this now, you can do this after bribe does have a limited impact on his inclination. For the time being I am going to up the tough love but have this underlying concern he is not just being difficult. I do read to him every night and he sees me reading for pleasure. His older brother - 11 also likes to read. I pay for a tutor once a week to help him and this has made some difference but money is pretty tight for the likes of Kumon etc.

Hmm tricky. It could still be an underlying difficulty yes, but if the school have already done a raft of tests and can't identify anything, you are left with physical things like eyes, or you'd need an Educational Psychologist assessment done on him. The school can organise this, but if they believe he is "within normal parameters" they probably will be unwilling, plus the wait in state schools is approx 18 months. Your only other recourse is a private assessment, with the cost being approx £500. These reports can be very useful if you get a good EdPsych, giving areas of strengths and weakness plus ways to support, but equally I've heard of people having problems there too. Maybe bear it in mind for the future if nothing else works?

And can I just check - what support are the school providing for him academically? If he is failing age related expectations then even if they are terming that "normal parameters" he should still be given help to meet those targets. Have they given him an IEP? Or is he only just missing the targets? Or do the tests show he IS capable of meeting age related expectations just not performing at that level in class? (Does happen sometimes.) If the tests show he can reach those levels then I'd agree it's inclination. But if the tests show he is not able to meet expectations then he needs academic help from them too.

In the meantime, I'd suggest start by addressing his reluctance. You have some great ideas already - keep up with that, making learning as fun and light-hearted as possible at home (as suggested by others too.) Also school need to help with encouraging him in order to get him to engage a bit more - even if it is just lack of inclination that needs support as much as lack of understanding. Personally I'd set him up a reward system with clear targets etc. For what it's worth, I've often found that children who disengage do so out of lack of confidence - if he is feeling left out from a high-performing year that could cause it, and he needs to feel appreciated for his personal strengths in school. I'd suggest book an appointment with them after Easter holidays and ask them how they plan to encourage and support him going forwards. The best set-up is a strong home-school partnership where you're working together - a "communication" book can be very useful too so both of you know what's been happening.

If it is maturity/lack of confidence you should start to see a gradual improvement with encouragement. If you still feel there is an issue though, then at that point I'd definitely advise further investigation. Hope that helps!

Thanks Teachercreature - you have been a great help. I have just booked him an eye test so we will see what this brings. I have booked in a full dyslexia assessment in late April that looks at stuff other than dyslexia as well. It is £185 but have not cancelled yet The school consider that he will not meet his SATs expectations. He does not have an IEP but does sit within a catch up group and gets sime extra help. I might give him till the summer holidays and progress the support / encourgaement side of things to the absolute limit. Confidence with Henry is a tricky one as he appears very confident but does not like change but does not shout - just takes it inward which is a worry. I will let you know what the eye test says and will speak to the teacher about a specific communication book.

You're very welcome. Sounds like you're doing a great job already - the school just need to ensure they are equally supportive! As you've booked anyway I'd probably stick with the assessment if at all possible - even if you just find he does not have dyslexia it's good to rule things out.

Boys often do the loud outside/suffer inside - bravado I guess! In my first teaching year I had a little lad like that and discovered he actually had very low self-esteem (due to school...) and just praise and support did the trick. Good luck and I really hope your school will be able to help in some way - if you have any other questions in future, please feel free to PM me any time!