9 yr old DS being bullied: help with self-esteem/ assertiveness

[sydenhamhiller]

DS (age 9) is being bullied at school. Yesterday, for example: DS entered the playground, and Child X pushed him downstairs. This is in a long line of documented abuse, and this has resulted in Child X being relegated to the KS1 playground, but I don't see this helping my child longer term. Child X is a super confident, charming, Alpha male, who is testing boundaries of school and peers. When I asked the teacher why Child X is specifically targeting DS, she said she thinks it's because DS does not retaliate in any way, is very passive, and Child X perceives this as weakness. DS thinks it's because DS is "on the top table" and top of the behaviour chart -Child X calls him geek, nerd, goody-two shoes etc.

DS is very quiet, very academic and loves rules! Since pre-school he has found it hard to join larger groups, and tends to have 2-3 good friends...and then not to be bothered at all about any one else. I've mentioned this at every parents' evening, but school just say "he's fine....".

School have now said they think DS has self-esteem issues, and needs to be more assertive, and have given me some worksheets for him. Any tips on what else I can do? I know I have self-esteem issues, and was so determined my children would not, I feel terrible. But then know, it's not about me, it's about DS! Any advice would be so welcome. Thanks.

Get this book for him.

It has really helped my DD, who is now 11.

Maybe the school should just tell x to stop! Ther is no acceptable reason for bullying behaviour, yes he may be jealous or see non retaliation as a weakness but it does not make it ok to bully someone.
I had this with my son and it made me so mad, they need to be told in no uncertain terms that it will not be tolerated.
On a more positive note could you get him involved in out of school activities which could help him to mix a bit more and could give him more confidence eg scouts or science club
And tell him about Bill Gates who says " be nice to geeks because one day you will be working for one!" and geeks are cool, think Big Bang Theory, I love sheldon , probably because my son is quite geeky!!

Hi. I'm sorry your DS is having such a rotten time.

Regarding building up self esteem -

Joining an organisation outside of school would enable him to expand his friendship groups - something like Cubs (scouts) or Badgers (St.Johns Ambulance Youth Group) might be ideal - they meet weekly and work together in groups to attain badges - great for building a sense of self worth

Similarly - how about a martial art - judo/karate ? Again, expanding his social circle, a good moral code, rules, friendships and belt gratings - all go well for a sense of self achievement and confidence.

Ill pop back with any other ideas that crop up - just didn't want to read and run.

I do think that now - ie at his age and before moving up to big school - is a good time to start building on his confidence etc.

In relation to the bullies send them over to me keep on at the school and ask for their involve,mt in encouraging your dcs confidence (little jobs of responsibility etc).

Aw, thanks all.

School have been good once I escalated it last week by printing off their anti-bullying policy, and pointing out that what was going on was bullying, not simply a clash of personality. But child X is remarkably unboundaried and has been so since Reception. We've wondered if moving to the other class would help... But DS horrified by thought.

I've worried about his difficulty socialising since he was 2, and his younger sisters are very adept socially, which makes it more apparent. He has been in Beavers, and now Cubs. He swims and plays tennis- aware they are not team sports, but he does not like football or rugby (heaven knows I've tried over the years...).

We tried karate a couple years ago, DS found it 'a bit shouty'... But DH is going to try to find a class they can do together, that might work well. He is such a lovely boy (I would say that), it breaks my heart he is having such a tough time. But thanks for tips: paxdora I like the idea of school giving him wee jobs to give him sense of responsibility. They mentioned it, but no follow-up: I will chase.

Thanks.