advice on bullying please

[midgetorbaby]

Please can I have some advice on how this bullying should be dealt with?

DS is 8 but very noticeably the smallest in the whole juniors and is being bullied. He is constantly called midget and baby or mimicked and teased. He will eventually retaliate and often ends up quite badly hurt as many of the children are twice his weight and there may be several of them. We have explained over and over that he should not try to retaliate and should walk away and tell a teacher but I dont know if he cant get away or chooses not to or is just too scared to tell. Although he does say that whenever he does tell a dinner lady he is just told to ignore them. I have always told him not to walk around school without one of the 3 boys he trusts hopefully for protection but if not as a witness but some times he has to walk down a corridor by himself.

I have seen the type of behaviour outside of school and several children will stand around him saying baby baby baby over and over until he lashes out and I think they are doing it because he reacts. Several times I have seen his own age or younger do it and then run to their mother saying that he hit them (obviously without saying why). I have obviously said something on the occasions that I have seen it. DS presumably annoys lots of children or just reacts in the manner they find rewarding for it to be so widespread.

I spoke to one of his class mates today and asked if he knew how DS was at school and unprompted he said ? I know why all the year 5 and 6 get him because he is the smallest boy in the school?. These were his exact words! He just seemed to accept this as a fact and almost a justifiable reason and this is the boy that is the nicest to DS. It makes me think that perhaps the children just accept bullying. It obviously cant be all year 5 & 6 though but from what both he and DS say it is not just an isolated few.

DS has always been very negative about school but does not talk about his emotions so I have no idea how much it really bothers him. He has never been keen to go but does not seem any more resistant but it is so difficult to know. I guess I have always felt it would be similar if we changed schools and then he might not even have 3 boys he trusts. Once his younger sibling is at school I had always thought I would give him the option to be home educated but that is still another 2 years.

My husband is really angry and I feel like I have failed DS as I have not managed to make his life happy.

School have given us their proposals to deal with it but I dont really know what to do next or what is reasonable to agree to.

What have the school said to you so far? They need to be the ones who ultimately sort things out, but obviously you need to be comfortable that they a) have a suitable plan for how they will do this and b) will actually carry the plan out.

If it was me - I'd be doing my best to get as much detail from my child as possible (not always easy I know) and ensure that this is then passed on to the school to give them maximum info. I'd want a named member of staff to be responsible for monitoring how my child was doing - this person nominated by my child if possible given that they will choose someone they feel most confident in and are more likely to open up to that person. I would also want to know that the lunch time staff are 100% monitoring my child, not just glancing around between chit chat and missing the often hidden activity that goes on. Specific children if needs be should be kept away from the child too and warnings given/punishments carried out as required. Beyond that - perhaps consider a move to another school?

Thanks for this. School have let him choose one of the dinner ladies to be nominated to monitor the situation but that still leaves play time. Play time is presumably covered by different teachers each day.

Often when DS has told me of incidents he has no idea of names or even year groups however presumably the dinner lady would watch for any older children approaching. Does schools plan sound reasonable?

What have the school said they will do when they are told there is a problem? That's what I'd want to know. Have they given you a copy of their anti-bullying policy (they must have one by law) - that is what they should be doing.

Ultimately, yes, they are doing this because your ds reacts but that does not make it acceptable for them to do it in the first place. Maybe once he knows action will be taken he will not feel the need to react, other than to tell,but for now he's in an impossible position. School should be helping to identify the children involved if he doesn't know names.