Prv school for 1 child and not the other

[peppajay]

Is it unfair to privately educate one child and not the other? My son is finding school quite hard and struggles in such a large class and I he also has sensitivity issues which I think would be dealt with better in a private school. He is also very very bright. He is currently in a really good state school I cannot fault it, but is a 30 in a class, 4 form entry and a big school like this just doesn't seem to suit him and his personality. My DD is flourishing at this school and is a normal average child with no issues and would hate to go anywhere else. I have found a lovely prv school which I think would suit him down to the ground. There is no way we could afford to privately educate both children so is it unfair to do it for one and not the other. When we asked my DD she said 'she would never ever want to leave her school, even if we did put her brother in a different school'!

Opinions on anyone else who does this or has done this would be lovely. I want the best for my children but as they are very different, I don't think the same option suits both children!!

I don't understand people doing this in circumstances like this, it sends the message to the DC that one is cleverer, more special, etc, recipe for problems in the long run IMO. Bit different in cases like SEN.

Eg you have referred to your son as very bright and daughter as average.

I think it could lead to huge resentment in the future. Your dd is (presumably) not old enough to make this decision so even if it was indeed her decision to stay, she could still resent you and her brother. Possibly worth looking into bursary and scholarship for your ds if he is very bright and pay the fees for your dd to go as well?

We're considering doing this with our daughter. DS1 and DS2 attend a really excellent boys school, the girls options nearby are not outstanding and one actually gets less good results than the local state school.
There is no option for mixed education nearby - all girls and she's really not girly at all.
I think she would be happier in our local school.
Plan is that she will go to the local school first and we'll see how she gets on.

However, its not a financial decision and if she or we want to move we can do this easily - as the girls options are not generally full.

In your situation, I think you could only justify it if you were willing to move your daughter as well if she decided she wanted to move.

are the dc currently in primary school?

sorry, of course they are the thread is in primary. I think the problem is going to arise at secondary. At that point the differences between state and independent education are considerable and your dd will be old enough to see the differences. I am not sure what I would do in your situation but it does seem unfair to your dd.

I have 3 DC. They all started at our local primary. DD went to an independent school at 7, DS went at 10 and youngest is in Y7 at local state secondary school.
It was right for the individual children at the time.

I would say chose the school for the child. If your DD is happy in her school and doesn't want to move but your DS would be better suited in the private school then I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do this. No one knows what the situation will be in a few years time either financially or which school (state or private) will suit each child at secondary level.

DH and I say you make the best decision you can with the information you have at the time. If in 5 years your daughter asks you why DS went private and she didn't you have a very good answer.

I think it's a mistake to assume...

private = better
bright children need special handling
private = more opportunities

I had one in private & 3 in state & have no regrets (now all back in state, our private was a bit pants!). So I think it can be fine, but it would need to look at motives. Private for your son because he's unhappy & underachieving is reasonable, imo, as long as your not ignoring another DC who is equally unhappy & underachieving.

I know people who have done this and for specific reasons (not SEN reasons). It worked very well for all dcs concerned. One dc very very unhappy and badly bullied but their siblings were very happy at the school. The unhappy dc moved to private school as no other state alternative. They have thrived and the others still in state have done well.

Only you know your DCs and your family situation.

Only you can make that decision.

Do what is right for your family.