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daughter struggling socially - move her or would that be worse?

8 replies

deemee · 15/03/2013 09:31

My 3.5 year old is an august baby and the youngest in her nursery class. She doesn?t seem to have made any friendships yet in her class and although she is broadly happy and enjoys the routine of nursery she makes comments like ? ?this girl wouldn?t let me sit next to her?, ?this girl called me a baby?, ?this girl said shes not my friend? and to be honest some of the kids are nasty pieces of work..
Is it better to give her a fresh start next year in a new school or would that upheaval be too damaging?
Has anyone had a similar experience?

OP posts:
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MrsMushroom · 15/03/2013 10:09

She is very, very young yet. Many don't make friends till reception. If she is bradly happy then don't move her.

It's far too soon.

But if she is having trouble with certain kids, then you need to speak to her keyworker and find out what is at the bottom of it.

3 year old's calling each other baby is not unusual....also be wary of her saying nobody will play with her...sometimes they exagerrate....when ONE child has said something hurtful, it's all they remember...check with the nursery how she is doing socially..explain what you have told us here...and see what they say about it.

deemee · 15/03/2013 10:14

thank you Mrs Mushroom! teachers seem very defensive..
i just felt as she had no friends she had nothing to loose from moving but perhpaps it is unsettling - though she is very young...

OP posts:
Dilidali · 15/03/2013 10:42

Deemee, I have an august baby, the youngest etc.
At your daughter's age, mine spent half the time in nursery, half in reception, because they would have been her colleagues, trying to make transition easier etc.
I always had a few basic rules when it came to my daughter, one of them being I always believe her. So if there were problems which came out before bed, all muddled up or very very clear, I always took them up with the school or other parents. Still do.
What I have learnt is that academically august babies are just fine, emotionally they turn into a right mess at times.
I gave her the benefit of being the youngest etc till the age of 8. Their social skills is not as advanced as her peers, even if we are only talking 6 months difference. I considered all equations of the problem, I cannot fight for her, but I can teach her, take her part, discuss and lead by example. I made great friends with the parents I considered to be on the same wavelenght as me and we tried to guide our children. At about the age of 5-6 it all exploded back in our faces, all the late evening telephone conversations, oh dear, they fell out, they hurt eachother, what shall we do, orchestrated outings together etc, embarassment etc....the darn kids were at eachother's throats and we were in an impossible situation, we were friends...so we moved the coffees from after school to mornings: nevermind them, we're still friends! Only to be gobsmacked few months/weeks later by the amazing friendship they rekindled of their own accord, actingf like nothig has EVER happened, with an:'you, grown ups are downright weird' expressions on their angelic little faces.
So we learnt...to ignore them.
Yes, we talk about how did it make you feel, what do you think could be done etc...but we're staying out of it.
Unless there are massive problems, like bullying, wetting the bed due to stress, physical violence....I would not move her, she'll carve her own path, under your watchfull eye.

deemee · 15/03/2013 12:31

thank you dilidali - really helpful advice.. my instinct was to rush in and move her but perhaps what she is experiencing is normal and moving her will only be damaging

OP posts:
lljkk · 15/03/2013 13:18

normal little girl disputes, I wouldn't move, just encourage her into good friendship habits.

CockBollocks · 15/03/2013 13:29

This is a daily occurance at our pre-school and is worse I think with girls. They are three and a half though so not sure they can be described as nasty pieces of work - remember another child could be going home upset because your daughter wont play/sit near/share etc

Mintyy · 15/03/2013 13:30

If you think the other children at her nursery are "nasty pieces of work" then yes I think you should move her. Its clearly not the nursery for you!

MrsMushroom · 15/03/2013 14:00

I also think that's not a nice term for 3 year old's op. They're very little still and while your DD may not have a part of her which means she lashes out...some do but it just means they are different regarding development at this age.

This period is for them to iron out behaviour issues and to learn to get along socially. Some are shy, others hit, yet more bite and some even say mean stuff...but honestly it's normal.

My older DD was a Late July baby...very young also in her year.

The best thing to do is invite plenty of children round to play with DD and give her coping skills. Teach her to say loudly "No...that's not nice!" as a way of attracting attention if another child hurts her or is mean.

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