Anyone got any good responses that DD can use please

[hollyanthus]

She is in year 2, with a 2 class intake. Both classes are lovely but each has one child who is determined to ruin things for everyone / throw their weight around - to the point that they have quite an interesting reputation. School's attitude is that you are going to meet difficult people in life, so this is good practice. In every other year the pastoral care is fab, and the kids are not behaviourally challenging [sorry can't think of a better way to describe them].

All fine in theory, they say DD is doing absolutely nothing to be on the receiving end - and the kids in question just dish it out indiscriminately, and trust us we are dealing with it - but sanctions just go in one ear and out the other with these two kids. I've noticed that the quieter children who behave well and don't react seem to get it more than others who have a bit more of a don't mess with me attitude. She is putting a brave face on it, and not reacting to please the teacher, however I think she'll snap.

One girl has a great routine of "talk to the hand because the face ain't listening" - for the 'difficult' girl in the other class. Works really well according to her mum.

But I can't think what how tell DD to react to a boy who so far has spat repeatedly in her face, been verbally abusive, tripped her over (including under the teacher's nose - so he got punished then), shoving her over, hitting round the head with toys / playground equipment when she was trying to block him from hitting a reception boy (who are his favourite targets), hiding her gym kit (strangely reappeared as soon as I came up to the classroom and looked in his locker - but was very mouthy to me).

I need something that gives her a feeling of control, rather than feeling that she has to just stand there and take it, so she doesn't get into trouble for retaliating. I have told her she can try "Did you mean to be so rude / nasty?" ... especially if teachers are around . What else can she do?

Reporting back - yes I've been into school yet again. I have explained that DD is (in my opinion) entitled to turn up to school and feel safe, and to not be expecting to be subject to random unprovoked attacks. School agrees strangely enough - but how they act on this will no doubt be another story.

His parents will have to go in for a "chat" about how if that kind of behaviour continues he will have to leave - although in my opinion excluding him for a couple of days might have had more impact. Parents clearly think he is god's gift ....

Other than him and how they deal with him the school is great, the teachers are great, the facilities are great, and DD is loving all the music, sports and creative stuff, that she didn't have in her previous school. For her needs, it is the best option - FWIW other schools in the area (with available places) have equally interesting or greater behavioural challenges.

Everybody - she has been doing your son's lines / voice - but also "[child's name], stop it, that's disgusting" / "[Child's name], please don't do that, hitting / tripping isn't kind." It does give her a feeling of having a bit of control, rather than just having to stand there and keep her temper. Also means when the voice rings out, the teachers will hear, and she gets her side in first, before he starts pretending black is white although spit is a bit of a give away .

My DD had this problem with a boy in her primary school at year 5. If he come near to her I suggest the same response as above. Loud and clear enough so that everyone can hear her.

If she feels threaten enough or the boy is getting to close. She should straight punch him in the nose with the palm of her hand shouting NO.

I know this will horrify parents but my DD has learned that bullies are usually quite dumb and can me mentally outwitted. If they are violent they tend to have a very low pain threshold.

My daughter had done this and the bully has now moved on to some other poor girl.

Everybody else has said it but just to add my voice, this is bullying and the school is failing your daughter. No 'excellent facilities' make up for being bullied every day and the teachers ignoring it.