Would you be concerned by this conversation?

[Campaspe]

DD is in Y1 and is 6. She has always struggled with shyness and not found it easy to make friends. We have persevered with play-dates and clubs etc and she has formed a couple of friendships. Her teacher tells me that sometimes one of these girls can be mean to her, but DD loves having her own special friends and has I think grown in confidence despite having to cope with some "mean girl" behaviour.

DD told me that today her teacher took her to one side and asked her if she was happy and liked the class she was in. She then asked DD who her friends were in the class, and went through a list of children and asked DD if she was friendly with them. DD had not been upset prior to this, and as far as I can tell, nothing had happened to prompt such a conversation.

DD seems to be a very academic child. She is quite intense about her passions, a little quirky - tomboyish, doesn't like girly stuff at all, likes to do her own thing to some extent, a bit physically awkward but intellectually smart. She is very sensitive, very shy, and very eager to please.

I'm now worried that her teacher thinks that there is something wrong with DD, or that maybe my DD is ostracised by other children. Why else would she worry if DD herself is happy enough? I have a parents' evening coming up, so can ask, but would you be concerned if your child came home and reported this? What would you do? Thanks

Not sure if this is any help but they did this to our reception children a few days before parents evening so they could tell the parents the answers. They didn't read a list of all class names but just asked them all individually to tell the teacher who they were friends with.

The teacher is showing concern and that's not a bad thing. My own dd went through a very similar phase and I talked to her teacher about it. I'd be wondering how mean the mean child is (with my own dd, it got to a point where I felt I had to step in - impossible to know without more details). If this were me, I think I'd ask to speak to the teacher after school one day about this in particular.

Is it a 2/3 form entry school? If it is, it could be that the classes are mixed up at the end of year 1 and the teacher wants to ensure your daughter is placed in a class with some friendly girls

I'd be chuffed that the teacher is doing a fantastic job and keeping tabs on a shy child's friendships and her happiness in school.

Talk to the teacher about it if you're worried.

Thanks for your replies, you have put my mind at rest a little.

I also think the teacher sounds good! My dd struggles with friendships, and the school don't seem to have noticed. When I mentioned it, the teachers said she has 'lots of friends'. I asked who, and she said she didn't know, but she was certain she did have lots....

Hi Campaspe:

I think cumbrialass may be correct. They're starting to plan for next year and the school and/or teacher may be trying to ensure that your child is placed in a class with some friends as they are aware she's shy and may struggle without her small support network in school.

As you're about to have a parent/ teacher meeting why not just outright ask about this to settle your own mind. Try saying something like DD mentioned you'd gone through the class list with her asking who her friends were? The teacher will most likely explain what was going on and hopefully it will settle your mind.

I thought the same as cumbrialass too. It may be that she did this with all the children she wasn't certain exactly who she thinks they would like to be with.