Year 1 - DD having confidence issues

[Seth]

My DD is in year 1 and is generally quite happy at school. They are streamed in different ability groups for reading, writing and maths and she has been in the most able groups for all 3 areas since the start of the year. Recently she came home and told me that she has been moved 'down' a group for reading and writing. They are not told that they are streamed but I think its fairly obvious to them all by the expectation placed on them by their teacher. She was a bit upset (she said she thought it was because she was 'slow' in writing) and it co-incided with parent eve last week so I brought it up. I'm not against her being moved down -I want her to be in the right ability group so that wasn't the issue.

Her teacher said it was nothing to do with her ability - more a lack of confidence and belief in herself. She also said that in DDs previous group there were 2 gifted and talented children who can write amazingly well, plus a couple of other very advanced children so DD , despite being capable was starting to feel a self conscious and 'slow' in this group. She also said that a couple of the children in that group has made comments about my DD being 'slow' and pointing out that she had only written 3 lines when they had written a whole page.The teacher moved her as she thought that by being one of the more able people in the next group down that might build her confidence back up and make her feel less self conscious.

She came home from school again yesterday after her first writing session with her new group saying that she had only written 2 lines (worried about the fact that she's not as fast, also says it takes her time to think what to write - she is generally very quick minded -again think it may be a pressure thing). One of the other children had commented on how little she had written to a couple of others in the group. DD burst into tears and had to be taken away and calmed down by the TA . She is quite sensitive in other areas of life too and seems to have become more so since starting school. She says that she really doesn't mind writing at home at all but now she seems to be almost paralysed by fear when it comes to writing at school. This is obviously quite upsetting for her and I don't really know how to manage it. At parents evening we spoke about both of us really heaping on the praise when she writes a decent amount and building up her confidence but she seems to have got this fear in her head now.

I have requested a meeting with her teacher on Friday to talk with her after yesterday.I don't think the other children's comments are helping at all - I guess her teacher can try and re-iterate that its not nice to make those kind of comments but I guess ultimately no-one can control what comes out of another child's mouth.

My fear is that this will spiral downwards if something isn't done about it but does anyone have any ideas what I or the teacher can do ? thanks!

how old is your child?

Hi - She's 5. One of the youngest in the year as birthday in July and most of the others in her (last) group were born early in the year. Her teacher did say that she is bright and can do the work- its all in her head and linked to confidence.

I would not worry at that age - she is young. Go with the flow. Read with her etc but don't worry at this stage. Just give her reassurance and gently build her confidence up. Different if she was 15

Jonno-thanks for your response. Yes I think I do need to gently build up her confidence but am sensing that she has this mental block about writing at school now ...in part due to her paying so much attention to what the others are doing and their comments but also due to the state she has got herself worked up in. I'm not so fussed about her reading or writing levels..more about her feelings about herself ..

I'm a single parent which often results in questioning if our situation could have in some way contributed to her not having the confidence in herself that some others seem to ( she is the same with friendships) ...

Hi Seth, I came onto the education board to write basically exactly the same thing you have, so was quite surprised to see your post, identical to mine in every way (moved groups, feels like they haven't written enough or fast enough), except that I have a DS in Year 2.

At parents evening I asked about his confidence and the teacher said he was doing great, still a little sensitive and hard on himself, but doing exceptionally well academically.

He came home today saying that one of his TA's had given him a diary to write down his feelings when he gets angry with himself for not finishing as quickly as others. I feel absolutely dreadful about it, and a little annoyed that the TA has taken it upon herself to make this step before speaking to me about it.

We are very encouraging of DS and hugely proud of him, and as long as he is trying his best and having fun, we don't care which group he is in. It just seems like there is so much pressure on children nowadays, and I hate that he is feeling it.

I am going to try and speak to the teacher this week, or early next week, but would be really interested to hear how you get on.

At least I know I'm not alone in this, seriously, I can't believe how similar our situations are. I wonder how many others there are out there?

I experienced similar with DD1 in year 1. She was in the top group for literacy and was moved down as there were some exceptionally bright kids in her class that just suddenly leapt ahead. It didn't help that these were also her best friends. She suffered a massive loss of confidence. I think teachers like to think that children are not aware of the streaming for subjects but they are even at 5. It is also an age of becoming more self aware and they do begin to compare themselves to others so it is perfectly normal. I would speak to the teachers to let them know so they can help in class but plenty praise and encouragement should hopefully see her through.

I, too, could have written your post (I also have a DD in Yr 1 with a July birthday who has had very similar issues). She just isn't quick enough at writing to keep up with her friends in the other group at present. Mainly because she stares out of the window when she should be writing, and then panics. I am slightly annoyed that this level of pressure is put on them at this age, though i don't think it's the school's fault! I pointed out to her that I often stare out of a window when I should be writing, too, and I write for a living! Am hoping it all evens out as they get older..Good luck to you and your DD.

The key is not to make a big issue of it or show your anxiety which is easier said than done when you see your child distressed. I really struggled with this. Maybe forget about writing for a while and concentrate on things that your DD enjoys and feels that she is good at to boost self confidence. DD1 had a huge confidence boost by achievements outside school and this has reflected in her attitude to school work.

I read a really good book about Mindset and parenting.
Here is the link
www.amazon.co.uk/Mindset-How-Fulfil-Your-Potential/dp/1780332009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362757054&sr=8-1

I think confidence is the key. My sister is a single parent and it is really hard. A nightmare. All I can say is don't worry too much. The child will find their feet. If possible get them into various clubs. Not to be brilliant sportsmen etc but use the clubs to have different pockets/sets of kids. So they have friends at school and then different sets of friends in different clubs. Confidence with sport, confidence at interacting / social skills and hopefully there will be a reduction in anxiety.
After reading the book, I encourage my kids to fail things. To swim, play football, tennis, gym, piano and not to worry about being last or first but just to keep on persevering. Perseverance and confidence are the keys. Keep on trying. Not to give up. So the kids are really relaxed about things.
Jonno