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Primary education

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Original poster

Parents helping in own child's class - conflict of interest?

22 replies

hockeysticks · 27/02/2013 00:20

I'm not sure whether I'm being over sensitive about this.

My daughter is in Year 3. One of her friend's mum is often in class as a parent helper. This obviously means she sees a lot of what goes on in class but I'm also worried there is a conflict of interests.

Her daughter is a nice enough girl but certainly no angel. There has recently been behavioural problems between her daughter and mine - messing about, note passing, that kind of thing.

I was informed today that my daughter had been moved into a lower ability literacy group 'to split them up'. Her ability is not the issue - simply the distraction.

I haven't been told about her behaviour before now. My fear is that the parent helper has observed the two distracting each other and asked for my daughter to be moved, to allow her daughter to concentrate and it is easier for the teacher to keep her happy.

This mother is often telling me about things that go on in class and will often remark to me about my daughter's reading levels etc and it makes me very uncomfortable.

Should I say anything? Or will I just look like a mad woman?

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perceptionreality · 27/02/2013 00:23

This does sound odd. For one thing, the teacher ought to know better than anyone what literacy group a child should be in.

If a parent 'helper' who is not even a TA has a say in such a thing then I would be wondering about the school tbh.

thornrose · 27/02/2013 00:26

I think you have a right to be concerned. It can be a definite conflict of interest IMO.
I work in a primary school as a TA, a parent helper keeps asking me about her child and its very awkward!

zipzap · 27/02/2013 00:33

I would definitely be talking to the teacher or head of year about the parent helper and any undue influence she may have.

Does she ever mention any of the other kids (identifiably to you/your dd even if not by name) and what they get up to or info about them that she shouldn't be telling you? Because if she does then she will probably be mentioning stuff about your dd to others. And that would be the thing that I would use to request that she is not in a class that includes her dd.

Tricky for the school if they are in dire need of helpers and she will only volunteer if she can be in the same class as her dd but tough really; she shouldn't be.

I would also ask that your dd is moved back into an appropriate literacy group and that the teacher/etc is strict to ensure they don't mess around (I'd also make this very clear to my dd at home too). And I'd ask that the mum is not in the same class as my dd as I don't like her gossiping talking to me out of school about my dd's reading - that's for a teacher or TA to do.

YANBU to ask nicely and as a worried mum. But YWBU to expect or demand that they do exactly what you ask them - you'll just have to hope the head teacher thinks you are reasonable and agrees with you!

What does your dd think of this girl and her mum and how they are in class?

perceptionreality · 27/02/2013 00:34

why do parents feel the need to do this? I actually think it shouldn't be allowed. At dd's school parents help with reading only but they don't work in their child's class.

teta · 27/02/2013 07:25

God,yet another thread complaining about parent helpers.I have been one for some time.I generally just do reading outside the classroom and don't get involved in classroom affairs[apart from very occasionally if the teacher wants me to help with something specific].I have always helped with my childrens classes as these are children i know.I think once i have commented how brilliantly a child read that day to his mother.I have been given children that have severe special needs[i wasn't warned and i have no training]and been totally puzzled by their reading.Lots of the children don't do any home reading and the teachers generally don't have time to read with them so this is why we are useful.I feel as though i am helping the school, as i have several dc's that have gone through the school and i would like to give something back.I don't do it to influence the teacher or to see whether so and so are on a higher reading level.In fact my involvement in this has been detrimental to my dc 4 and i have decided to stop doing it as i am being pulled into the classroom dynamics whether i want to or not.
If you have been asked about a pupil by a parent helper its a sign that she doesn't really know what is going on.I resorted to asking a teaching assistant about one of mine.Because of illness he has had 3 different maths teachers in the time from september.Not one of them could tell me how my son was doing[he has been very behind and has been tutored for quite a while and i wanted to ask whether anyone had seen an improvement].This teaching assistant made it very clear that she didn't want or possibly couldn't comment.Maybe these are the school rules.

tiggytape · 27/02/2013 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsinmud · 27/02/2013 09:13

Well I help with art in dd1's class....don't know why as i am hopeless at art! They just asked and I couldn't say no. The thing is I positively avoid dd1 when I am there. I have never asked anything about my dd1 when I am there.

learnandsay · 27/02/2013 09:16

Ask the teacher what has happened, specifically with a view to your daughter's literacy. (Try if at all possible to ignore your anxieties about the other parent's possible meddling. It's vaguely possible that the timing of your daughter's move is simply co-incidental.)

letseatgrandma · 27/02/2013 09:24

I think it's very unlikely the parent helper had anything to do with this decision! Have you actually asked the teacher?

Original poster

hockeysticks · 27/02/2013 10:24

Thanks for the advice.

Parents evening was last Wednesday and teacher said she was doing well in group. No issues with her struggling.

The only reason teacher gave was to separate the two girls.

My feeling is she needs to manage them better - not move her down

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Original poster

hockeysticks · 27/02/2013 10:25

Obviously I haven't asked about the parent helper.

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Runoutofideas · 27/02/2013 12:33

I help in my dd1's class and have done since reception (now Yr3). I would not have any say in which groups the children are in. Most of the time I read with a group which is not dd's, although I have occasionally been allocated her group. We have a talk with the Head at the beginning of each year regarding the importance of confidentiality. I would not have any more influence over the teacher than a parent who doesn't help.

Fuzzymum1 · 27/02/2013 14:59

I volunteer in school and have volunteered in my son?s class ? I had been working with the particular teacher the previous school year and he moved up into her class. I have never directly worked with him as I take children out of the classroom to do booster reading sessions 3 times a week (following a 2 day training course) so I?m not often in the classroom with him. TBH the teacher is more likely to approach me with an anecdote about DS than I am to go to her and ask ? one of the first things I was told on the ?governor visits to school? training I did as a parent governor was that we are to avoid engaging the teacher about our own child and I have always kept that in mind when I?m in school.

Elibean · 27/02/2013 16:21

Any helper in any class should be aware of a code of ethics - which includes confidentiality, and definitely NOT talking to parents about their children!

I have helped by listening to readers in my dds' classes over the years, and I would certainly never have said anything about any children to any parents. I would speak to the class teacher, and ask about boundaries for helpers!

HerRoyalNotness · 27/02/2013 16:33

The only parent helper volunteering we can do is in our own child's class. Our teacher sends a calendar at the month start and we put down when we are available. Slots are two per week, all of the parents have the opportunity to go in, so I don't find that odd at all.

However, she should not be discussing anything that happens in the class with anyone else. This is the only objection you can raise.

lljkk · 27/02/2013 17:10

I am amazed that there are schools where many parents help but never in their child's own class. The only parents I've known who regularly helped out but not always in own child's class were people training to be TAs.

I never sensed any favouritism towards my child because I was a helper. The only good thing is I built up good will with the teacher. So when DC3 came thru the system and turned out to be a nightmare PITA, I think school were not quick to jump to the conclusion that I was a violent rough uncaring person who encouraged my son to be a thug. They had some evidence otherwise. But maybe they are reasonable towards everyone anyway, that would be the professional approach.

Original poster

hockeysticks · 27/02/2013 18:04

I spoke to the teacher - without mentioning the other parent (thank you everybody) and she still can't really explain why she moved her.

Also had a brief chat with parent at gates but resisted temptation to ask if her daughter had mentioned it

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ChristmasJubilee · 27/02/2013 18:39

Our school stopped all parent helpers due to breaches in confidentiality.

wheresthebeach · 28/02/2013 16:00

I think its wrong to move her down a group so she's not working at the right level. I would formally ask her to be moved back up to the appropriate level and ask for a meeting to agree a strategy to sort the behaviour out.

Some parent helpers are great; but we've some at our school who gossip about the kids and the school won't know unless other parents complain.

SunflowersSmile · 28/02/2013 17:53

I would never want to volunteer in my child's class.
I asked what year school needed volunteers in and I listen to reading there.
I would feel uncomfortable in my ds year group and did say would prefer to do different year group.
I don't want to be tempted to compare children in my son's class....

squiddle · 28/02/2013 18:15

I would really object to my child being moved down because of a behavioural issue unless it was a very temporary measure. What's the point of streaming if you then put a child in the wrong group! I would talk again to the teacher on that basis.

Have to say in general i think it is FANTASTIC that parents help at school. I can't because I work too much, but I am always really glad that other parents do.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/02/2013 18:21

I always helped out in my children's classes and don't remember this being an issue - I was told not to discuss anything with any other parents (obviously). I never got to listen to my own kids read at school though!

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