When can a playdate be left alone after school?

[Frikadellen]

Got contacted today, by a friend who felt worried as her dd (age 8) who had been at her friends after school. Had reported that the parents had left the girls alone whilst they went to work in different buildings (they own a catering type business) the girls are in year 4 and I have one similar age. My first response was to say to not let her dd go there but to invite to theirs (as they are good friends) but as we spoke further we are wondering about safe guarding issues for children of that age what does everyone else think?

How far is the building where the girls were from the building where the parents were?

Far enough for the parents to not be able to hear or see them.

How far is the building and how long were they gone? Can they nip back in a minute?

I would not leave someone elses child if that age but i woukd nip out leaving my own eight year old.

Is the business premises on the same propert as the home? describs the set up please.

I certainly wouldn't leave them alone without checking first with the other parent. I think that continues until they are about 12 or 13, even though I'd leave my own dcs at a much younger age, you can't invite someone else's child round and then go out.

I mean "much younger than 12 or 13", not "much younger than 8", btw

Dd and her friend are just 8 and I'd think it was fine for them. In fact I know the bfs mother pops next door to her mother's and leaves them at hers and it doesn't bother me, I would do similar.

At secondary school my friend used to invite me for a sleepover when her parents would be away overnight. She had an older sister. The parents' idea was that two 12yos and two 15yos would get into less trouble than one of each...

Once my mother worked out what was going on she stopped me from going there unless she was certain there would be an actual adult there at night.

Unless the business was on the same premises (eg farm shop, flat above chip shop, therapy room, home office, etc) I wouldn't be happy with a primary school child's being left alone.

Is this the kind of thing school should be made aware of, rather than social services?

It really depends on how far away the parents were I think. It is fine for 8 year olds to be out of adults sight/hearing so long as there are adults on hand - few people would think twice about letting two 8 year olds go to the corner shop or the park alone after all (if no roads to cross).

My DH's business premises are in a separate building but on the same site as the house iyswim - maybe 25 feet between them. I would think 2 8 year olds playing in the house would be fine in that situation.

I would say there is about 3-400 yards between the house and the business The business building is large and depending on where they were they could be even further from where the girls are.. 2 separate buildings.

I think the hosts should have mentioned to the guest's parents that the plan was to leave the children without direct supervision.

I've left my child and one of her friends alone at that age but I recognise that children are all different, and a great many parents would not leave children of that age without direct supervision.

Whenever I'm planning to allow a visiting child more freedom than his parents might be used to giving him, I always give the parents plenty of warning so they can think it over without pressure, decide whether they are comfortable with it and we can adjust the plan if necessary. No fair springing it on the parents at drop-off time, or when the children are present and are likely to nag or make spaniel eyes!!

My concern and my friends as well is that their house is by the golfcourse their business runs (and please know I am not drip feeding I am a bit concerned I am going to out myself here - was why I used catering type business they run a hotel and golf course) so a lot of people who you do not know and who would have fairly free access to the place. 2 young children left alone in an area that is not closely populated for me is a concern.