Whether to change schools?

[Ilovehotchocolate]

My ds is nearly 9, he seems so miserable at school with no friends to play, this evening he has been crying again. I know it sounds silly - but it upset him - the class were told to 'high five' the child next to them, but no body wanted to 'high five' my ds and they turned away from him. At lunch time when he tried playing with some boys, they said "who said you can play". So he then had no one to play with.

I know it sounds really silly but its really upsetting when things like this happen on a regular basis. When I say why don't you play with so and so, and mention so other boys, he says he's not allowed to play with them because a teacher has said not to as the two together are not perhaps a good combination! Although it's got to the stage now where he has no one to play with. I wonder whether the boys he wants to play with have been warned not to play with my ds, I'm not sure. I'm going to see his teacher about this.

Last week some boys were calling my ds names and my ds wouldn't go to an after school club because of this. I did speak to the teacher about this and she managed to sort something out with the boys and my ds did stay for the club.

The problem I have is the school is right next door to my house. So practically it is ideal. I have thought about moving schools about 18 months ago, but didn't follow it through because of the practical aspects of a very local school. Although I am now thinking my ds could do with a fresh start with new children to play.

Any advice would be grateful re changing schools.

Agree with tiggytape.

And none of what you've said sounds silly - it's rotten for your DS.

Get on to the school tomorrow. It is bullying and it needs to be dealt with now before your DS gets any more hurt and upset.

Good luck!

Sorry no help but can offer sympathy as we're in a similar situation with our 7 yr old (& can also see the 'outstanding' school from our house!!). My DS is a real stickler for the rules, positively thrives on teacher praise & is convinced he's the best at everything - none if which make for a bad student but definitely don't win you friends . If I could afford it we'd move him to a small prep school but we can't so will be watching this post with interest.

I'm not sure about bullying it sounds such a strong word. Your right I will keep a record of it. I am going to make an appointment to see his class teacher as she does seem lovely and sorted out the problem last week with name calling at the school clubs. My ds doesn't do himself any favours and gets quite sulky and no one wants to play with a sulky child! But there is reason for him sulking which need to get to bottom of.

I just feel if school wasn't do local I would definitely move to another school. Think that makes me a lazy mum!!!!

I'm afraid it is bullying, it's the sort that girls tend to do, rather than boys, but it leaves nasty scars. I'm choking up a bit as I write, thinking about the constantly being left out and name calling things I went through - thirty years ago, but it still bloody hurts.

tiggytape has done the practical advice bit, please start doing it tomorrow.

What are the alternatives to the school next door?

Will definitely make appointment tomorrow! Will keep you all informed. Thanks for replies.

My daughter was in a similar situation which increasingly got worse as she went through Primary school. We tried to deal with it with the school but unfortunately the patterns of behaviour and relationships with the other children were too entrenched.
We made the decision to move her and she has never been happier. I wish we had gone with our gut and moved her sooner.
She has been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in the meantime...helped to explain some of her social difficulties (sometimes she could really be her own worst enemy) but clearly she is now a confident and happy child in a different school and actually has a close friend as well as feeling accepted by her peer group. Problems clearly not only due to her diagnosis!!
Good luck. If the problems can be resolved at the school, that would be great, but if they don't seem to be improving rapidly, please don't leave a move too late.

Apologies if this offends you but is it possible that the source of the problem is your son?

I am NOT saying that your son deserves to be treated so cruelly. I am just saying that you should open your mind to the possibility that there may be other things going on that you don't see.

There was this boy in DS's primary school class who would just run up to a game, grab the ball and think it was funny to run away with it. He would go up to the girls and make fun of them. He thought that he was being funny as opposed to being offensive.

At about Year 5 the mum took him out and placed him at a nearby school. From the people we know from that school that boy quickly became friendless again.

I suggest that you do move school so that DS can have a fresh start. However, I do think that you should have a frank discussion with his teacher and find out whether it is down to a whole school of bullying children. Unless you pin down the root cause of your DS's problems you may find that moving schools solves nothing.

TotallyBS - an appropriate name??

Name calling, excluding, refusing to "high five" when asked by a teacher - it seems to me that the "root cause" of this boy's "problems" (as you so indelicately put it) are the other children and a culture in that class that allows this sort of bullying to continue.

The problem is the bullying - whatever else may or may not be going on.

I hated the example you gave: there are no winners in a situation when a 9 year old is "friendless again". Perhaps his "reputation" followed him aided by tittle tatle from adults who should know better.

OP please follow your instincts and approach the school about this bullying. It doesn't have to be this way.

Just to update - I am waiting for the class teacher to give me an appointment. Although ds has come home and had a better day today, but I am still going to follow this up and make sure I keep a close eye on things. Moving school is a huge step I'd rather not take but if ds is unhappy may be one I need to look into.

It's just so upsetting when you know your children aren't happy - all I want is for him to be happy!

Raisin - my moniker is my opinion of what some people posts as opposed to a candid self assessment.

Of course all the children are bullies. In my example of course it had to be adults carrying tales to the new school.

Is that better Raisin?