Intervention at school??

[Natalie8291]

Hi all, I have a problem and need some advice. Need to start from the beginning here. My DD and I spent a significant amount of time abroad with my family a few years ago. When we returned to the UK, she started Nursery a couple of months later. I was having some problems with her adjusting to being back here, mainly her sleep pattern had been stuck in a kind of jet lag, and I know she missed her friends and relative back home, relationships she hadn't established here as she was so young. She is a very loving and sociable child, and still continues to be this way. She is also very well-behaved at home
When she started Nursery, she was ok for a few weeks and then started behaving badly with her peers. We had meetings with her teacher, and realised that the biggest issue was that she was not sharing and would hit the other kids if they tried to take things that she was playing with. With extra attention at school and at home, her behaviour improved. Then her teacher left on maternity leave and the problems slowly started again, but again we managed to try and curb the behaviour.

In reception, she was disruptive in class on several occassions and when I asked her why she was not paying attention and listening to the teacher, she said that school was boring and that she didn't like the things they did at school. She again started exhibiting violent tendencies, but according to the teacher, this was mainly when she was provoked. Instead of telling the teacher when a classmate was harassing her, bullying her or hitting her, she would automatically hit them. This was a vicious cycle as the classmates would then report her to the teacher and she would be punished, again excluding her from the class. Her teacher had a meeting with us, and admitted that it was not always DD that started incidents, but that she didn't understand the concept of informing the teacher rather than taking matters into her own hands. I must mention that DD is very clever and academically, she is ahead of her class. The teacher told us that she would be her star pupil if she would only settle down.

Now in year one, she has improved greatly in terms of her behaviour, and she does not hurt any one in class and pays attention much more than before, which may have something to do with her now having a 'no nonsense' teacher. Unfortunately, the 'troublemaker' stigma that has been attached to her from nursery and reception seems to be haunting her. The majority of her classmates have been the same through every class, and they are now subjecting her to hurtful behaviour. She told me last week that she doesn't want to go to school any more because her classmates hurt her feelings. The school has not informed us of any incidents so I'm guessing this is going on without their knowledge. Every time I pick her up, I ask the teacher how she is, and if she is being good and have not had any issues brought up.Her teacher from last term whom she was doing well with has left and she has yet another substitute, something that seem to happen a lot in this school.
Today, there is a letter in her bag, stating that she has been selected for a special art class to help improve her social skills and confidence. The letter stated that this 'intervention' would not cost us anything. Im thinking if there is an issue with her, surely the school should have informed us of the need for some kind of intervention? I'm actually really concerned that the school is not keeping us informed of what's going on. Anyone have any input on what i should do here??

Make an appointment to see your SENCo/ Inclusion Manager and just talk to them about what the ongoing issues are in school and how you can work together to support your DD.

All the staff changes are unfortunate.

Have a chat to the teacher about the social aspect of school. It needs discussing if your dd feeling unhappy.
As for the art class I would see it as a good thing. Do you think your dd would enjoy it? Maybe others she likes are on it? Ask the teacher about it; hopefully they will reassure you.

Have a meeting with the Senco. It sounds very much like they are trying to do a 'social stories' type of thing. It may also be that they are trying to put together a group so that the children have a common bond 'art group' rather than being able to focus on previous behaviour. Unfortunately this happens, my ds had some problems at school and I ended up moving him as his peers learnt that they only had to start teasing and whispering and they'd get a reaction.Sadly children do find others achilles heel and will take advantage. The teachers sound like they are trying to assist the situation rather than ignoring your dd, so a meeting would help you to know what direction they are hoping to move this in.

Hi Natalie8291

First of all how awful for you and especially your daughter. Everyone wants their child to skip off to school and generally enjoy it and make friends. You and your daughter are justified to be upset and your daughter is only very little - so is coping with it with what skills she has, which may be quite limited.

DD2 is in Y3 and in a similar situation - reacts to ongoing niggles with other children and gets in trouble for it. This has been going on since Y1 and has really affected her personality and attitude.

We are also in intervention but are using it cunningly. This is our opportunity to point out the poor behaviour control and classroom management that has resulted in DD experiencing:

-Teasing at a working group table in front of TAs/ Teachers when she doesn't understand what to do (TAs and Teachers witness but do not intervene)

-No explanation of what she has missed when she has been out of class running errands or at an in school violin lesson

-No explanation from the school as to why new maths concepts are always introduced whilst DD2 is at a violin lessons (which is on a Thursday - and which strikes us as an odd point in the week to start something new)

-No intervention from teacher when other children do not allow DD2 space at a table to write.

We've been very open with the educational psychologist who the school have brought in to deal with DD2 that it is the endless and merciless teasing which is resulting in a great deal of pent up anger for DD2 that is the problem. DD2 has confirmed this independently with the educational psychologist. We have refused to name names because several of the children involved are children of key parents (PTA active Mums/ Dads, staff and governors).

In front of school deputy Head we outright asked the educational psychologist would it be better to start fresh at another school, as we don't particular like this school and feel its curriculum is extraordinarily mediocre.

Suddenly DD2 is getting all sorts of attention and rewards for behaviour and we understand that the trouble makers are starting to be dealt with, which is a real surprise.

Your DD could benefit from disucssing her issues and the school may well learn that in fact they've not gathered all the information on this situation and hadn't properly considered what your DD is experiencing from her point of view. I also find, to be honest, that schools target children they feel they can succeed with for intervention - rather than the children who really have some serious issues (which we're witnessing in Y5 and as far as I can gather this child is never taken out of class for 1 on 1 work with teachers/ outsiders - which would signal some special intervention for academic achievement at least, if not behaviour).

Labels are just that - a shorthand description of the child - yes its on her record and yes it happened, but the point is to demonstrate to the school that you don't support that kind of behaviour and are concerned she's acting out. I think the fact that your DD is trying to stand up for herself is a good thing long term - the problem is at such a young age she's going about it the wrong way. So this training may help her to win the arguments but without getting in trouble herself or better yet to avoid the argument or getting upset entirely.

What your DD needs is the freedom to feel she can tell someone her problems in the school - make sure that message is openly expressed at every meeting you have with the school - because, like my DD2, I think that is the root of the problem here. If your DD could easily tell or signal (an agreed non-obvious action - maybe putting a pencil above her work or drawing triangles on her work) that she's upset or being teased, then this would alert teachers to the problem and hopefully they can start to deal with both sides of the issue.

Good luck & HTH

Today, there is a letter in her bag, stating that she has been selected for a special art class to help improve her social skills and confidence

It sounds as if the school are taking positive steps to help your child be more accepted in the class and hopefully find supportive/understanding friends in the art class. Which I imagine will be a small group of children from the class (normally children would be selected who display good social skills as the main part of the group to support those who find mixing more difficult)

Could I just add that 'interventions' of this type are far more common than when we were at school - they support children through difficult patches and by giving the children time with teachers in small groups/ one on one, as pastsellbydate said, they can reveal issues previously unnoticed by the school. I know that as a parent it might seem like a massive deal but the teachers might see it as some extra tlc. The word intervention is scary but lots of teachers aren't parents and seem to have no idea how we worry about our kids and can communicate in a rather insensitive way.
I am a secondary school teacher and see kids benefit from these programmes all the time. It doesn't mean your daughter is being labelled necessarily, but it might be the thing that enables her to finally settle down and enjoy school. These programmes are expensive to run but ime are hugely beneficial for any kid and the kids enjoy the extra attention - in fact at our school kids demand to be put on the mentoring programme!
Good luck!

Hi all, thanks for all the advice. We have a meeting with the Senco next week, so will bring up all the issues. Pastsellbydate, thanks very much, you have pointed out things which I have noticed, but never really took on. Will be keeping a closer eye in future. I will let you all know the outcome of the meeting, but from the brief discussion in the school yard, it seems to just be an extra activity that they think would help her settle down.