How long until we decide to change DS's school? (a bit long sorry)

[chicaguapa]

A bit of background (though all in previous threads). DC moved to the school just over 2.5 years ago when we moved for DH's job (a teacher).

DD, now Y6, joined in the last term of Y3. In between then and end of Y5 she coasted and made little to no progress through the NC attainment levels. She was 4a in literacy and 4c in maths in Y3. At the end of Y5 she was still 4a in literacy and had moved up to 4b in maths. We were fobbed off all the time by rubbish teachers with various reasons for the lack of progress, but long story short, the Y6 teacher has apologised and is endeavouring to move DD on as much as she can before she leaves the school. DH thinks she's great and we have confidence that DD is finally making some progress.

DS joined in the last term of YR and is now in Y3. He loved school, was, according to the teachers, a pleasure to have in the class, got 1s for effort for everything and was also a high achiever. He's now having problems in Y3, he doesn't have a good relationship with the teacher, she doesn't have a good word to say about him, he's always getting into trouble, he hates school and in his last report he got 2 & 3 for effort. DH has been in loads to see the teacher, isn't as satisfied with her responses and just generally feels like he's getting nowhere and that DS is spiralling into becoming a disruptive lazy boy, who is nothing like how he used to be.

The latest thing is that the after-school club massively cocked up on Friday and the result of which meant DS was at home without an adult for 1.5 hours because they hadn't told us he'd not turned up. We've written a letter to the club, copied in the head and the Chair of governors. But it means that we really now have absolutely had enough of the school.

DS comes home at least once a week saying he wants to move schools and we're wondering how long we should put up with this before we decide to do exactly that. We have already realised that it's not as if he's got some great years ahead of him as we haven't had good experiences with Y4 & Y5 at that school with DD.

We live just 100m from the school and all his friends live nearby. He has some independence because he's able to walk himself to school and this wouldn't be the case if he went to a different school. Although we do rent, so we could feasibly move house too once DD starts secondary school so he's closer to his new school. I don't know if there are any places for him at the other schools either.

Any advice please? Thanks.

We were having doubts about the suitability for over a year re DD & school. She wasnt really happy,wanted to change, lack of progress and v little intervention from school so decided to move her mid year. She has started this week and has so far been enthusiastic and keen. A friend asked what she thought and she said 10/10 so sofar it seems a good move.

DS on the other hand is doing well and doesnt want to move which is making the schoolrun a challenge & expensive but we feel its worth it.

I think I might print my post off and give it to the head and ask him what he thinks. We're expecting him to get in touch when he receives his copy of the letter about the after school club's failure of duty of care tbh, so maybe we can raise the other issues at the same time. As a teacher himself, DH is reluctant to go to the head when DS's teacher is showing willing (even though she's useless) but if the head initiates the meeting, we can bring everything into it.

And if the head doesn't get in touch, well then that speaks volumes, doesn't it?

I informally contacted a governor about the club's cock up as she's a mum of one of DS's friends and asked if the governors should be made aware. Her response was that it wasn't as school issue as the club is run by an outside organisation. I can see her pov but Imo the school governors should be very interested if a club running on their premises is not keeping their schoolchildren safe. So I'm not filled with much confidence overall.

The governors should be very aware of the after school club's failings! That's disgraceful and speaking as an ex chair of govs, I would certainly demand reassurances from the after school club that this would never happen again.

You're going to need to weigh up the pros and cons because moving schools may not solve the problem. We moved DD in year 9 & all we did was transfer the issues to another school, whereas DS moving in year 7 was the absolute making of him. In your shoes I would demand a meeting with the HT and see if the school can resolve matters to your satisfaction first. If they're unable to do this, only then I would look at alternative schools.

Hmm, is the after school club a duty of care issue? At junior level (at DS's school anyway) the children are expected to sort themselves out at hometime and to come back to the office if there is no one there to collect them. If a child didn't turn up at a after school club the leaders would assume that the child wasn't in school that day or wasn't coming for some other reason.

DS was meant to go to an after school activity last term and decided he felt too ill to go. Instead of telling his teacher he just came out of school at the normal time and asked our neighbour (with whom we share school runs) if she could take him home. He did say he would have gone to the office if she hadn't been there. But (to make my point) no one from the after school club contacted us and it didn't occur to me that they should.

I had a long talk with DS about what he should do if the same thing happens again. TBH if you think your DS is responsible enough to take himself home I would say part of this responsibility is knowing that he should contact someone if there is no one at home - what happens if (for example) you're stuck in traffic and he's unexpectedly on his own?

The "not making progress" is, I would say the deciding point. I'd want clear assurances from my DC's teachers as to their plan of action. IT may be in DS's case that he and his teacher are just a personality clash - in which case you could just accept that it will be better in Y4 (are teachers periodically moved about so he doesnt' have same teacher as your DD)?

I would be very cautious about using DH in any discussion as it could so very easily become a difference of opinion at a professional level - there is a tendency for schools to get very defensive when a fellow professional is trying to tell them what happens at their school!. I think that it would be far preferable if it was you who was talking to the school.

Your situation is complicated and you need to be very clear what are the issues here and not try and put them all together. The first and to my mind most important issue, is why your son is not making progress in year 3 and seems to have turned into a moody teenager. Is this a school related problem or something else in his life? If it is a school related problem, then you either have the alternatives of sorting it with the school or moving him to another school. From your post I suspect you are already much of the way along making a decision that the answer is to move schools.

The issue of the after school club is complicated. I would have concerns as to how your son was at home for 1.5 hours - was he with your daughter ? was he alone and had a key to the house or what?

There is a big question mark about exactly how the school and the after school club are interacting - how does the after school know who is supposed to be there? I don't think that you can assume that the after school club is responsible for your son not turning up unless it was absolutely clear that your son is meant to be there and the mechanism for the after school club knowing that. Certainly in my school, where I am chair of governors, which has a private on site after school club,the process is that the after school club has a list of pupils who will be coming that day. Any pupils from reception to year 2 would be escorted by school staff to the club but junior pupils are expected to make their own way to the club. If they have not arrived 10 minutes after they should have then the alarm bells start to ring and contact made with both school and parents to resolve or escalate.

As Redskyatnight says there is also some onus on your son, if you are giving him the responsibility of being able to come and go to school on his own to know what to do in such a circumstance. Why did he go home? Did he not understand that he should be at the after school club? What attempt did he make to contact you, the school, the after school club.

You are right to expect an explanation from the after school club but you do need to take a step back from assuming it is all the fault of the after school club, from your posts your son is also culperable. The school does not actually have any direct responsibility here but as Mutteroo says they do have a need to ensure that the after school club is not failing in their duties, as no doubt there is a contractual relationship between school and after school club.

Thanks for all your comments.

DH never mentions that he's a teacher during his discussions for that very reason. If the teachers know, it's only because DC have said something in passing, but it's never brought up during the discussions. I only ever mention it in the threads so I don't get accused of teacher bashing and blaming them for everything.

Obviously we have spoken to DS about coming home and not going to the after-school club. We told him this is exactly why he's not allowed home alone as he doesn't appreciate or understand why he can't do that. However, we do feel that he is able to go between A and B in controlled circumstances as long as someone is expecting him at B and there is a mechanism for us knowing he hasn't arrived. In the case of the after-school club, it is that we are told if he doesn't turn up.

If the after-school club thinks that responsibility lies with DS we'll be taking him out as that's not an acceptable level of care for us and that should have been made clear to us when DS started going there.

Yes, DS was at home with DD. She didn't think to let us know that he was there, which is exactly why she's there alone as she's not capable of recognising that she should really have told us he was there without an adult. She's 11 and is not in a position to be responsible for her DB and where he should and shouldn't be. She's only been doing it since September and again, these are controlled circumstances where she only has to look after herself and has a short list of things she's able to do while at home. DS arriving without DH wasn't something that we'd covered or thought would have happened.

She thought that DH was late home and then lost track of time. DS was playing outside alone, which is against the rules and she was trying to get him to come in, so she is aware of the importance of sticking to them. Again, we highlighted to DS that this is why he can't be at home alone with DD as he can't do as she tells him and/or stick to the rules.

In terms of DS's descent into moody teenager, I find it concerning that the school has never approached us to discuss it. From my own child protection training, it should raise some flags and yet all the discussion has been initiated by us. This has been in response to the appalling parents consultation where she had nothing good to say about him to the worst report we've ever had for him. The school has never done anything to approach us about either DC with a view to improving their time at school. I find it disappointing.

I recognise that people have different expectations of what their DC get out of school and the limitations schools have. But at the very basic level I expect the school and teachers to care, and sadly I find this very lacking. After all, this is in their school vision/ statement and in the home/ school agreement that they make us sign.

I do think the school's response to the fact that DS was unsupervised for 1.5 hours will be telling. So I'll reserve judgement for the time being and allow them the chance to redeem themselves and show me that every child does matter after all. Even if it isn't ultimately the school's responsibility. We'll see.