Not ready for school

[Wobblypig]

Dd is 3.7 and will start reception in September but I am very worried about her ability to cope. She has language delay , shows no interest in being able to write or read and may not be able to understand what is going on. I know there are 9 months to go but she is progressing very slowly so can't see how anything will change.
DS. Was opposite, he started school able to read and write and in yr 1 is reading Roald Dahl so I have never had to do much with him to get him ready for school.

Has anyone had similar?

I have taught Reception for years.
Can I ask a few questions first
Does she go to nursery?
Does she have any support from S&L or other agencies?
Is she going to the same school as your DS?

No not same school. She has had some s and l input but it v helpful. She goes to nursery and is about to change to her schools nursery this term

Sorry that should be ' not v helpful'

I think comparing her to your ds is probably adding to your concerns dd2 is in yr 1 atm and there is no way she is a ble to red roald dahl. Tbh reception is ultimately about getting used to the school environment. Mostly playing and practicing holding a pencil. If she has additional needs (S&L) the school have to address her needs.

If necessary maybe speak to the school about starting her on half days if she is tired or you are worried about overwhelming her. Tbh things can (and do) change alot in 9 months...

Firstly, don't worry, S&L issues are very common on Reception ( in that each year I would expect some of my children to have S&L issues) and in the majority of cases children grow out of it.
It sounds to me like your DS was advanced in these areas, but the reality is most children cannot read and write when they start school. At her age it is perfectly normal to have no interest I reading and writing.
Speak to her nursery school and find out if they share your concerns, if they do ask them to liase with the school shortly before she is due to start.
Also once she has been offered a place make sure S&L services know and they can also liase with school. If they feel it is appropriate they will continue to support her in school.
Remember you may not have had experience of this before but the school will and they will be able to support your daughter,

Thanks, I do try not to compare; she is a lovely caring, helpful girl I just worry about her so much

My DS started recep in September he was 4.2 months when he started and I felt so not ready he couldn't read or write and was emotionally not ready. The first half term when they only did half days he was a nightmare cried all the time didn't get on with the work as and had problems mixing with the other children. I was so worried about him going full time as thought it would make the problem worse so we agreed to try a week of full time then I cod put him back to part time if needed. However within day 3 of full time school he was a different boy the crying stopped the interaction with peers started and he final decided he wanted to try and do some of the work. He can now write simple words and is on pink level reading books and loves school- part time was the problem as he was getting to school just settling down then time to go home again and in the afternoon when he wasn't at school he felt like he was a baby again. I can't believe the transformation in him he loves school so much so he has been in tears this morning as thought he went back to school tomorrow! X

If your daughter is already going to nursery she will find that Reception is much the same. Both Reception and nurseries follow the same curriculum with the emphasis on learning through play. Reception is designed to be an easy introduction to school, preparing children for the more formal approach that starts in Y1.

I agree with Cheesemonkey that the school will be able to support your daughter.

It's a few months of anyway and alot can happen in those months. But you can defer a term if you really feel she won't handle it (as above posters have said its mainly play in reception just like nursery) . Legally she doesn't have to start til term after she turns five. There may also be option of part time. Just doing mornings. Do not panic school will do their best to accommodate what u feel is best for your dd.

My dd was 4.1 when she started last September. She was not ready, and still is not ready. Severe S&L delay (amongst other issues).

As soon as you've been given the school place make an appointment with the school SENCO, speak through your concerns with them, and see what they will be able to put in place to help your dd. also ask about extra transition sessions if you feel these may help.
ability to read and write is not too important at the start of reception, but the biggest issues we have are her ability (or lack of ability) to sit down for short periods of time, to listen, follow instructions, and to take turns. Ability to get dressed/undressed (or at least attempt to, they dont need perfect) for PE is a bonus.

With your dd work on her ability to ask to things, to say whether she is hungry/thirsty/hot/cold, getting her to name basic emotions. Depending on how much her S&L delay is, work on naming words, and placement (in, on, under) all these will help, but they can also be taught/reinforced later.

A good SENCO will take your concerns seriously and work with you to help your dd.

Also speak to the new nursery as get them to put in the time and effort into helping your dd progress.

It is unusual for children to start school able to read and write, more than a few letters & the basic numbers, anyway. Most children don't click with reading until sometime in yr1, often later.

3 of mine started school with mild speech delay & that hasn't been an issue in their academics (to my surprise, too).

I agree that being uninterested in reading and writing is not unusual at this age and may not be an issue in Reception. Then again, it may be. I think it will depend on how hard the teacher pushes and also on your dd's personality: when people encourage her to do things she isn't interested in, is it like water off a duck's back or does she get angry/worried? Spending many hours a day in an environment where people are trying to urge her to do things she doesn't want to do could be hard on her. Having extra help and support sounds nice, but if it is support to do something she doesn't yet want to do then it just piles the pressure on.

Emotional readiness is something to consider too. Is your dd ready to be away from her family for six hours at a stretch? How does she respond when she is with people she doesn't know well? Does she like being in large groups of children most of the time? Does she have the confidence to ask for help assertively when she needs it?

Your daughter may change a lot in the next eight months. You don't have to make this decision now. But it is worth exploring the options in case you feel she is not ready next year. She should be able to stay at nursery until she reaches compulsory education age in the term after her fifth birthday, so you could defer her school start until later in her Reception year and see how she is getting on at nursery. Or you could look at home educating her for a year or two until she actually seems eager and ready for school.

My younger daughter was nowhere near ready for school at four. She was emotionally immature, needed attention occasionally during the day from someone who loved her, didn't communicate very well, disliked crowds, and resisted being told what to do. She wanted nothing to do with maths activities or reading or writing.

She has thrived through being home educated. She progresses at her own pace, gets all the individual attention she needs, and has plenty of time to play. Because she is not doing academic tasks alongside other children of her age who can do them much better than she can, her self esteem remains high. Her short attention span doesn't seem to impede her learning as she dips in and out of books rapidly or whizzes round the museum at speed. She's now 6.5 and I'm confident that keeping her out of school was the right decision.

If your daughter's issues are short-lived, it may be easier for her to start school a year or two later, after she has matured enough that they have ceased to matter. If she has ongoing problems like my daughter, a more flexible approach to learning may be necessary and longer-term home education could suit her. It's worth considering.

My DS2 started Reception this September. He is a July boy, with a severe language delay and several other disabilities. It's been a bit bumpy but generally fine; he was ready emotionally, if not physically or academically and has made good friendships. He's been ill a lot (towards the end of term when he was tiring.)

Meet with the school's SENCO before the end of the Spring term to discuss the SALT provision for your DD. At around that time, budgets and planning will be being set so they might be deciding how much SALT they buy in; our meeting with the SENCO and our personal representation of our DS' difficulties at that time last year was one of the factors in the school's decision to buy in an extra day of SALT time a week.

My DS gets 1:1 speech therapy twice a week and language therapy three times a week in a group. It's delivered by a TA; the research in this area shows that this is effective as long as the TA is able and well trained and has a strong working relationship with the SALT.

As she already has contact with the SALT, you can find out who the therapist at the school is and get in touch with them directly.

Don't forget organisations like The Communication Trust and ican (their site doesn't seem to be running at the moment) have very helpful information for everyone involved with your DD. Tell everyone at the school as soon as possible and keep on speaking to them about her progress and difficulties as often as possible too.

This time last year I was really stressing out about DS1 starting school. He is a late summer born, and so he was only 4 and 6 weeks when he started.

He has taken to it like a duck to water. He is making friends, he is the most advanced in his whole year at maths, his letters and reading are really coming on - and he will actually hold and pencil and write which he wouldn't even attempt even by the end of the summer term at preschool.

Definitely speak to the SENCO about SALT - and if her preschool are good then they should be writing a detailed report for the school which will help them to understand what she needs.

Two kids with language delay here.....

"She has language delay , shows no interest in being able to write or read and may not be able to understand what is going on"

Can you tell us a little more about the language delay? Am I picking up correctly that she may have issues understanding what is said to her compared to other children of her age? If so, it's unfortunately very common to get inadequate support from SALTs about this.

If you think there is a problem with understanding spoken language compared to other children her age, I would throw all your energy into that. As to the reading and writing thing, I agree with everyone else that you should forget about that until September at the very earliest - the teachers know what they are doing in that area.

My ds was a bit like this, without the language delay but poor motor skills. He went aged 4 and two weeks. By the end of reception he couldn't read a sentence and could just about write his name.

He's now in year 2 and completely normal, actually quite advanced reading, he can write confidently and maths is fine. He just wasn't ready at 4 and fortunately his school were very good about it. Your dd is still so little, she has loads of time yet to worry about reading etc.

it's unfortunately very common to get inadequate support from SALTs about this

I know.

I was treated like a pushy parent by the drop in SALTs and really had to dig my heels in to be taken seriously, despite my DS2 being profoundly hearing impaired. Thank God the nursery staff were as experienced and as well connected with the SALT in school as they were. All I could say was, as a parent with no knowledge of these disabilities, that I only knew something just wasn't right with my DS' communication with us. We couldn't sustain a conversation with him at 4yo that was longer than about two exchanges. I really got the feeling from them that if my child was speaking to me, given his other disabilities, that that was good enough.

That said, the school SALT who assessed him is brilliant and once she'd spent the time with him, was able to explain for me what the issues were.

I've never met anyone else who has a child with language delay, so this is quite nice!

Happy NY.

Hi again - I also felt very pushy and also a bit guilty becuase I knew that there were children with ' worse' problems than my DD.

With regard to what others have said - she really isnt emotionally ready for school - the hours wont be an issue as she has great stamina but she just isnt ready to learn yet or really ready for the social side of things. She hates being told what to do and if instructed will do the opposite.
I will go back to the SLT though now she is starting the nursery.

Whatever you decide to do make sure you get your application for a primary school place in on time (i.e. by the middle of this month). If you don't you are unlikely to get your daughter in to your preferred school. She doesn't have to start in September - just wait until you've accepted the offer then tell the school you intend to defer entry.

And just to remind you that there is no real difference between Reception and nursery. Both follow the same curriculum. If your daughter can cope with nursery she is likely to cope equally well with Reception.

Is there a speech/language delay support thread on here?