bullying

[telsa]

Have found out that my DD (7) is being physically and mentally bullied at school by a group of girls in the class above. I was told by another parent - as my DD does not want me to know. It sounds really nasty. Can anyone advise on what the best way to proceed is - do we talk to the teacher in the year above? Should I try to coax it out of DD? Not been here before. It is really upsetting. My DD is such a sweetie - so guileless that I wonder if, in a way, she doesn't really perceive it. Luckily she has a really good friend in her class who told her own mum, who told me. Any wisdom to share.

Firstly, good for the friend. A lot of children are too scared to speak up when they witness bullying, so it's heartening to hear that there are children who are willing to speak up.

Have you tried asking your DD some open-ended questions about school? Or you could play 'schools' with some dolls or soft toys, where you let DD play the part of an older doll / toy in the year above your doll / toy and see if that leads into a conversation.

Try and have a little one to one chat with her. Let her know gently that you're aware of what's going on and that you're going to make it better. Try and get some details out of her and then i'd start with your DD's teacher. Don't push too hard as she may just bottle things up.

Good on her friend for telling her Mum. It means she's got someone to support her.

The first thing i did when i found out my DD was being bullied (emotionally not physically) was phone the mums of her 3 closet friends to ask them to get their daughters to look out for her. Making sure she wasn't alone in the playground so that the bullies couldn't get to her.

I had a meeting with DD's teacher who immediately made the deputy head and all playground staff aware of what was going on (head was away at the time). The class & then the entire school were given general lessons on friendships, then DD had her own chat with the teacher. The teacher set up a worry box in class so she could leave a note rather than going up and talkign to her..

Finally the bullies were confronted but annoyingly because it was a first offence (despite going on for several weeks) we were told their parents would not be informed.

A more violent verbal threat occured the following week, at which time we went straight to the headmaster.

It was a heartbreaking time for me (& DD). The anxious wait for her to come home from school, trying to read her face to see if she'd had a good or a bad day and seeing her so sad.

I have to say that after the summer holidays, it was like it had never happened. One of the girls subsequently left the school but we never did find out why.

Anyway hang in their, be patient with her and keep a note of anything that happens.