ds called childline!

[ninah]

About another child in his class. I knew he was having problems but no idea he was this upset. He says this child comes after him at break time taunting him. He begged me not to tell school, but I have to, don't I? Am gutted I didn't see it sooner. I've been in loads for ds behavioural issues - he's been so unhappy. Other child is kind of a golden child. am so upset.

I think it would be best to speak to the school. You can ask them to be discreet about it.

I would also suggest keeping a record of incidents so you can explain to school that this isn't an isolated event.

I have written a letter to his teacher, explaining how worried he is about telling and hopefully she can talk to him. Feel sick!

it's been going on ages, I've been just telling him to play with someone else. I hadn't twigged how bad it was. He's had probs in PE, breaks - anywhere where this other child has free rein. And he's told me bits, I just haven't listened!

I do sympathise, DS1 had problems in Y6 and I didn't really appreciate how bad it had become until it had been going on for months and he was beyond miserable (talking about self harming). I wrote a long letter to the teacher and asked to meet with her. I saw her a few days later and she had thoroughly investigated it, speaking with other members of staff and 'neutral' children. She helped DS1 turn things around and the rest of Y6 was much much better for him. He did choose to go to a different secondary school from the 'ringleader' but they are now friends and hang out together out of school.

oh that is good to hear, 3b. I hope something similar can be done for ds. He's in Y5 at the mo, so it's just another year but now I see it, it all makes sense, it's really eating away at him. Worst thing of all I am a teacher and would pride myself on spotting issues in my own class, and it's going on right under my nose at home with poor ds.

It's difficult with your own children, you can't be objective. I asked DS1 why he hadn't come to me earlier, and he pointed out that I've taught them that if they can't say something positive about someone, then they shouldn't say anything at all. So he had kept it all to himself. I have made sure he understands that he can come to me about anything that is upsetting him, so at least the lines of communication are more open now.

How old is your ds? If he is primary school, you need to ask for meeting with teacher and tell her all of it. And please do it before Christmas holidays, and don't let them put you off til Jan.

sorry x-posts. Y5, he still has a long time to go - one 1/2 years is ages to a child. Really encourage you to do what 3b says

Did childline give him any helpful advice?

How did you know he called ? Did he tell you?

he asked me for some help with his phone, somehow he'd been charged for some add ons he didn't know anything about, so I looked at the calls to try and work out what had happened and saw this number I didn't recognise
He said it was childline and it all came out
Wrote to teacher and got a letter back today referring to their anti-bullying policy (which is not on website with other policies and I've never seen)
I know it has been discussed at school as the after school lady went into immediate denial about this other child, saying the taunting stuff is just a football thing and they all do it
it's not exactly helpful that ds was being naughty and silly at after school club completely on his own accord
When we talked he said he is really worried now it's in the open that this other child will be angry
I am planning to look around another local school as back up as to be honest I'm really worried how they'll handle it, too. A child left last summer because he was being bullied, to the point of his head being flushed in the toilet, and nothing was done.
ds's 'bully' is top set, church going son of wealthy parents. Everything ds is not.

Can you write to the head of governors, asking them to monitor the situation? Complaint to ofsted? Poor DS.

well I can't really complain until I have given teacher a chance to sort it. Teacher says she had no idea. She has made HT aware. HT is friendly with the family of this boy. I'll have to wait and see .. but not too long. It has been going on a long time. Ds says the child is good at finding weak points and knows who to tease for eg, being small, being short-sighted ...

Looking round other schools is a good idea.

It is almost impossible for another school to be worse for him then this school.

Nothing constructive to add but I hope the school deal with it as they should and things improve for your ds xxx

From what you have posted about the school and how it has not handled things in the past I think I would agree with IndigoBelle that looking at other schools seems a sensible move whilst giving the current schools a bit of time to actually do something about it.
However I think you need to impress on your son that he cannot complain about this other child if he is also being a nuisance at school. It is in effect giving the school an excuse for always saying there are two sides to this and your son is not blameless.

thanks, I have an appointment with a local school next week, I have heard good things about them and they seem very friendly.
Admission of course I have told him that and I am trying to disentangle his own bad behaviour from his obvious unhappiness. He got into trouble with HT today, for something he says he did not do. But I have again impressed on him the importance of being polite and positive while I try to sort things out. I have told him that I believe him. He seems happier in himself.
The problem I have now is that dd is very settled at this school, with a lovely peer group, so do I move her, too? I