Shall I move my Dcs to another school?

[educator123]

I had been looking into moving my children to a different school.

Various reasons but not one major reason.

They are currently at a very small school which we walk to.
Concerns were small friendship pools, mixed years and not a lot of extra curricular (which dc1 loves)

So we have looked at a slightly larger school, really lovely lots of extras, ten minute drive away.

We decided to have another look round, but in the back of my mind had decided to keep the children where they are. One factor being our eldest despite being in a tiny year group with limited friendship has a very close friend they really are lovely together. It has since come to light that the said friend is moving to the other school!

Now I am torn as although my dc will adapt I know it will be very tough as there isn't really any friends to fall back on, well not the same strong friendship, because the school is so small.

It isn't the be all and end all but seems quite :( for her to miss out on this friendship.
If they move together they may not stay so close but their will be alot more children and friendships. If dc stays there aren't many options

I love the small school and it being on the doorstep but from a social point of view it can be quite limited

Excuse typos and punctuation - predictive text.

I know exactly how you feel with regards to the social aspect side of things. Ds also goes to a small Primary and I had the same concerns but tbh he doesn't seem to be bothered by it, think it's more me. Ds also doesn't have one 'best friend' he flits between groups.

What we did was get him enrolled in the local Beaver Group, he also stays for Kids Club three nights a week when I work so has plenty of other children to mix with.

All being said as he moves throughout the school year it may become more obvious.

Hope you can find a happy conclusion to this. It's hard isn't it, there are lots of advantages to a small school but the social aspect can limit friendships. I try to think back when I was in Primary, I think firm friendships really started for me in Secondary school and my one good friend who I still see today came from a different Primary than me so I think by the time you hit Secondary school this is when the social aspect matters more really.

With large schools comes large classes and larger problems.
We have just moved dd1 from her very large junior school to a small school with 19 children in her year!

Well my Dd has 6 in her year soon to be 5 if her friend moves.

The teacher commented on how quite she was when said friend was off the other day.

If she moved she would be in a class of 25.

So still not massive and a school with an extremely good reputation. She would go from 2 girls in her year to around 10.

But the current school is lovely and a short walk from the front door.

There are lots of benefits to moving.

But apart from the friendship pools and clubs she would prob be ok where she is, but seems such a shame to loose out on this friendship she has formed.

Its really tough.

The small numbers and friendship groups never occurred to me previously as Dd1 gets on with most children and is quite a popular child BUT I've seen a change in her since she has formed this 'best' friendship they really are lovely together and she is so happy when around her. If this child wasn't moving I could honestly see them as such close friends throughout primary.

At weekends when she has been over I just love watching them getting on so well together.

To think of dd being left at school without that is quite :( in a bigger school she would adapt much more easily and prob become close with another friend but I really can't see anyone whom she would form the same sort of friendship with with there only being two other girls in her year group...but the school is lovely :(

we just moved dd from 45year group to 20 a year.

still mixed classs, half sie much smaller.

oh was worried about freindship pool being so small.

she had 1very close freind at old school who was nice but tad possesive and fickle. Thre were also 2other girls who wanted to be her best freind.

so some days dd would get upset she was playing with another child-jealousy issues as they played in pairs wouldent let her join.
on days said freind wa sick she was by herself no one to play with.

we tried to icrease her freindship haveing several playdates with differnet girls in her class last year.

but tehy really were clicky and classes changed every other year there seemed to be so much rows and drama amonst girls in her year.

since shes moved shes in mixed clas year 1s so knows everyone in year 1 shes year 2.
she combines with other half year 2 for breaks/lunches/science and phonics.

in fact the phonics based on ability sp she even knows some year 3s.
also being infant playground and only having 2oper year she knows most of reception even the boys play with her which dident happen in larger school.

its been unexpected bonus how much happier she is socially despite it been a smaller pool.

I would start with few playdates.
ensure she has freinds outside school too as when get secondry here they all go diffrent schools anyway.

Thanks mam, to put it into perspective there is 45 in the whole school!

The do also play across the ages groups and with the opposite sex etc. Which is great the older ones really take care of the younger ones.
But apart from this particular friend there isn't someone that I could see dd being particularly friendly with. She is very sociable so will play with others but I don't think it's the same to just play with other children as having a few friends you are really alike with.

It's great to have the social skills to play with all ages too but not sure they get the same out of it or if it's positive to only do that.

For example dd2 have become quite attached to an older girl who has been lovely but doesn't want to play with dd2 all of the time esp as she is in reception and the older girl year6. So when the year 6 is doing other things dd2 can find herself a bit lost. She may find her feet though as it's early days

How old are your dc ? For girls years 5 and 6 can be really tricky socially and if the friend has already moved across and made new friends your dd may well feel left out. Have you spoken to the other mum as maybe they don't feel the same way about the friendship if she has decided to move her.

They are 6and4 years. The other girl hasn't moved yet, we found out by accidentally really so invited the mum over and she said she had the same concerns but still feels she needs to move for other reasons. I think as she knows we have been looking into too she is hoping we will also move and that they can move across together at the same time.

We have been seriously considering the move even prior to finding out the friend plans to move. And my feeling was dd would be ok as there are lots of other peers at the other school and she could see her currant good friend out of school. But being the one left is quite different as there are so few children.

I would imagine if they move they may not stay so close as they will begin to explore other friendships but I don't see that as a negative thing.

But like I say I don't feel there are many to explore staying put. But the thought of driving everyday to another school when there is a lovely one a short walk from our house in our village is not appealing.
I suppose if I wasn't bothered by the drive it wouldn't be such a big thing as the other school is equally as lovely.

We did this after year 2 as could see the friendship groups being limited later up the school. Also more teachers across the year and school gives variety as they share ideas.

Really upsetting at the time for me (is it right decision etc) but she settled in really quickly and bigger school was much better for her.

Thank you, thewave. It's so tough I have been worrying and stressing for what feels like ages trying to come to a decision but it feels impossible.

We chose this location partly because of the school and it's small numbers and small class sizes, at the time I was just thinking of the small size being a positive and didn't really think about the friendship part until she made such a good friend.

It was even commented on during parents evening at how lovely their friendship is and then like I said above the teacher commented on how dd wasn't herself when the friend was off.

She will be so upset when she leaves..but I don't know if that's enough to warrant a move. Dd2 is struggling to find her feet too but that may just be time.

I would not move your DD to chase a friendship. Worst scenario is that you move your DD and the other girl makes a new best friend from her new class leaving your DD on the sidelines. The age of the kids means friendships will probably change anyway.

It's a difficult one, and, in your position, I would be tempted to move, with the only limiting factor being the travel. Although a 10 minute drive is not that far and you already like, and have been impressed by, the other school.

Before you make a decision, it might be best to have a look at the friendship positions for both DD's Is there any potential for the school to increase in size? Are there new families moving into the village? Is there any new buiding going on?

For your DD1, are there girls in the year above or below that she could be friends with? Could she be friends with any of the boys? Although, once DCs get to upper KS2 they tend to want to spend more time with their own sex and if she finds a new friend in the year above, she will lose her when the friend goes to secondary. Also, what is the friendship pool available for your DD2? Is there anything fantastic about the small school, that you would be reluctant to lose if you moved your DDs, other than its proximity?

Iseetinsel - I agree the friendship may move on if they both moved but I think they would both make new friends as it's a class of 25 which looked quite balanced sex wise.

If dd stay the remaining friendship pool is very limited the higher years are even smaller believe it or not my dds intakes have been the schools highest for years at 5&9. Usually planned admission number is 8 but can sometimes be only 2!

There has been an influx of families in the last few years but I can see that tailing of A bit now and the school wouldn't go about 60 anyway. At the moment my Dds are happy to play with boys but I agree that developmentally there comes a stage where they tend to play with their own sex more.

Dd2 has four girls in her year she hasn't particularly clicked with anyone in particular atm except the older girl.

I school really is lovely though great ethos really caring and nurturing, great on paper as in ofsted. I suppose it is like a big family and I just thought they would muddle through, friendship wise and I'm sure they would but since seeing my daughters particular friendship it has brought to light the social restrictions of A small school.

Aside from that the only thing I worry about is the mixed age groups. But the school always say they only see positives in it. My original reason for looking was to weigh up whether extra sport would warrant a move as my Dd love sport, but the school does have a sport club come into school and she does swimming and dance outside of school so gets some extra curricular.

I think it would make more sense if you left her where she is & wait to see how things pan out. You could still move her later, no?

I could still move but there is only one School I would move to and it is usually full the only reason I have secured places is due to some children with siblings leaving due lo relocation

I feel a bit like if I don't take them now then I may have no choice should I wait due to the other school being very popular.