Average and overlooked??...

[peppasmyfriend]

Hi..My DD really loves school at the moment...however, she has started to notice that lots of the other children and getting stickers, house points etc etc for effort and achievements and she doesnt seem to- i think she would tell me, as she gets very excited and proud over personal achievements, and i havent seen any evidence of anything either....I dont ask her about it too much, as i dont wish to draw attention to it, but i have heard her role playing situations with her dolls, playing schools etc, and she had made them stickers, merit cards etc...i feel like i should raise this with the teacher, but dont want to seem too precious...i have asked the teacher on a casual basis if she joins in with the class, works hard etc etc,and they assure me she does. I am concerned that if i say anything they could hold it against her!, and withhold even more....she seems to sit in the middle of the class, not the brightest/high achiever nor is she much trouble, so doesnt need a teachers attention all the time....and i wonder if she is simply overlooked....If she isnt trying in class or achieving then i feel that i need to know, so we can chat about it at home...i really dont want her to loose her enthusiasm for school...if i approached the teacher how should i do it, and if you are a teacher reading this, how would you react to a parent who approached you with this...thanks

Yes. There is a topic not far from here about exactly the same thing. Good children in the middle getting missed. The horrible children get a sticker when they go for a whole day without hitting anybody. But the quiet and bright ones get nothing.

It does seem to be a fact of life. So, being me, I'd make an advantage out of it. What I would do is look for positive comments in the reading diary or on work sent home, (or send work in for show and tell) and then make a big fuss of it. My daughter likes to go to cafes. (I have no idea why.) She also likes to wear a horrible plastic princess crown. And her idea of a real treat is to go to a cafe wearing the horrible crown. So, she will easily equate a glowing comment in her reading diary to a cafe trip. (It's a bit of parental licence.) But it's turning a slightly unfair reality into a plus.

My DS is able, well behaved and quiet. Never demanded attention through showing off or poor behavior. As a result he is almost invisible in situations were a teacher has poorer class room control and only the louder kids get heard. The worst year was when he didn't get even one star of the week certificate all year while loud pupils had 8 or 9 total). The flip side is that he has got very noticed and praised further up i the school with teachers who are more on the ball, less shouty and more tuned into their class. They really appreciated him and made me feel very proud.

Can you say that you worry she is being over looked because she is quiet?

I would definately say something to the teacher (rudolphs wording sounds good)...

DS was like this in reception and got very upset over kids who got stickers for not hitting someone when he had never hit anyone....

Thanks for responses...she isnt shy/quiet in class from what i hear, she gets involved, answers questions etc...but still no recognition of effort or achievement is being shown......Simpson, you are right, stickers handed out left, right and centre for not hitting anyone! - I wonder how long it may take for my DD to think its a good idea to do it, so she can get a sticker when she doesnt!! (i really dont think she would do this, but i bet its crossed her mind, shes very bright!). There also appears to be inconsistancy...one day someone sitting nicely, changing quickly will get awarded, but when she does it, either no one notices or they are dealing with something else!

It does seem like that sometimes. I had to stifle a laugh when my dd and her friend came out of class one day complaining that the "naughtiest" person in the class had been made star of the week yet again and neither of them (quiet types) had ever had star of the week in three years.

I have noticed if they're good at something they tend to get more noticed - be it reading or painting, whatever.

A friend of mine did mention it to the teacher - just explaining that her dc felt a bit demoralised by it all and it was quickly rectified. I don't think it does any harm to point it out. Especially if they're trying really hard.