Boys fighting...advice please

[MerryMarigold]

OK, so ds1 (y2) got into a 'fight' yesterday. As far as I can gather it wasn't mean. I know him and the other boy and they can both be very silly but today they are friends again.

Anyway, it turned into a 'he started it, he started it' thing. As far as I can gather, ds did own up to messing with the boy in a 'silly' way that they do quite a lot, then this boy pushed him to the ground very aggressively, so ds responded back. Is there ever place for 'he started it'? How do teachers deal with this? Especially when the lines are blurred as above or they haven't seen what happened etc.

The sum of it is that ds has to miss 2 break times. This is not ideal as he does need to run around in order to be able to sit still. On the other hand, he does need a punishment. He didn't sleep well either, and woke at 5am today as a result of being troubled over this. He also begged me for Home dinner (never done that before).

Also, the only reason I found out about all this is that ds told me (very shamefacedly just before bed) that he'd done something very bad in school. Surely if kids are in a fight that requires 2 missed playtimes, the parents should be informed.

I dunno. How do your school deal with this kind of thing?

sorry, not had any problems like that - yet - but school should have informed you!

I'd speak to headteacher about missing the whole of playtime (stupid thing, boys do need to run around!) maybe he should miss first half of it or be given extra homework instead....

They only really tell us at our school if somebody was hurt.

I think it's quite often impossible to see how these things start. I know with mine it can start with one of them misinterpreting what another one said, then taking huge offence, with the other one protesting their innocence and it just spirals out of control. Nine times out of ten they are friends again the next day.

I think missing two playtimes sounds a bit harsh really.

I'd leave it up to the school, ask to be kept informed but in this instance I wouldn't interfere in the punishment. He appears to have learnt his lesson and it is up to the school to manage any excess of energy. I think in this instance you should back up the punishment.

I have been in this situation, but I was called over at the end of school. DS informed me later that he had "retired from fighting".

School will have dealt with it, questioned both boys, reinforced school rules, and given a sanction, ie missing playtime. Maybe slightly harsh but there may have been several other, less serious disagreements that preceded this.
At my school we only inform parents if its a very serious 'fight' or biting, or very out of character etc.
It might be brought up at parents evening if you have one coming up.

As an earlier poster said, he seems to have been affected by it which means that he will hopefully remember not to fight its his friend again!
Your could ask the teacher if you need to know the ins and outs but I would leave it and trust that whatever the school has said, it has had an impact.
Your DS sounds quite sweet

Thanks for your replies. It turned out to be missing a portion of 2 playtimes. (They have to go in the thinking room). I'm also glad it upset him that much that he got into trouble as it will hopefully teach him a lesson. I did speak to the teacher briefly and she said it was just playfighting but he had been told not to do it several times (hence the severe sanction - but also his confusion "but I do it all the time, Mummy!"). Anyway I am glad it got sorted and he woke up at a normal time today!