FAO Parents of Year 6 GIRLS... quick straw poll re friendships

[noonar]

As a parent of a sensible, grown up but sensitive year 6 girl, who is bright and fairly popular... can i ask...

Does your 10/11 year old dd have regular upset with bitchiness/ controlling friends/ unkind remarks/ being excluded/ not knowing where she stands with friends who blow hot and cold... or is it just my dd?

How straightforward are your dd's friendships, please?

Yup. In particular one very bossy friend who throws a strop wverybtimevshe doesn't get her own way.

Oh dear, can a year 6 teacher join in!
Girls in year 6 are a nightmare! hormones start kicking in, they fall out, fall back in, bitch, argue, you name it, they do it! Last year I had some of the nicest kindest girls you could care to meet who were, at times, almost the girls from hell!

Don't worry, it can only get worse, I spend most of the year with girls alternating between crying on each other's shoulders and raging and shouting at each other.

dd1 is 11 too in year 6.
have to say honestly we haven't had any of this towards her - have seen it with other girls in her group and she has spoken about it. I think she tends to be more of a peacemaker and rallies everyone together.

our own relationship however is becoming very explosive and shouty..... I hate it

Yes to some extent, but the boys are worse ATM.

No - no problems here.
Nor were there any when dd1 was in Yr6.
They both "do" friendships in very different ways.... dd1 had a strong group of friends right from Yr1, 5 girls and 3 boys, who remained friends even when they got mixed up and separated out into different classes, but dd2 has a 'best' friend for a while, then another 'best friend' for a while, and plays with different people at different times. Neither had / have so far any problems with bitchiness or controlling friends or being excluded though.

DD is another bystander. She watches in horror as fallouts happen over who looked at whose papier mache 'in a funny way' and then whispered about it.

She saves her fallouts for us at home too.

DD is another bystander. She watches in horror as fallouts happen over who looked at whose papier mache 'in a funny way' and then whispered about it.

She saves her fallouts for us at home too.

just let out a big involuntary sigh, reading your replies. it clearly is fairly typical, but SO hard to deal with.

My dd is genuinely a kind girl, but seems to attract nasty friends. not sure what/ if she is doing anything to perpetuate this cycle.

Eh? Sorry!

That was for posting twice, but now I'm cross-posting to make it worse. Oops.

DD gets whispered about, comments under other people's breath, lies spread about her that she said something she didn't

anything up to 6 girls involved but it always centers around 1 girl

dd will come home in tears one day and then be her best friend the next day because apparently it's easier to be her friend than not make friends because then everyone will turn it on her

the teacher is very aware of what is going on and assures me that my DD does her best to keep out of it and is in no way to blame but it's so hard trying to support her through all the twists and turns

maybe she attracts it because she has quite a lively personality. i can't imagine her being a bystander... are your bystanders daughters quiet? do the two things go together, i wonder?

and what makes some girls so bitchy and others kind, i wonder..?

sausage, we have one of those in dd's class too. i can hardly bear to look at the girl

I think they are generally unhappy themselves in some way - whether its with how they look, wanting 'better friends' ,not being as smart as they would like to be, unhappy homes - I'm a teacher too and I see it a lot with my own students.

Dd1 has a really close group of friends but she does tell me that other friendship groups in her class are fairly volatile. I'm not sure that you can do much about it tbh, they are just all finding their feet with things. If its any consolation, ds1 and his friends were just as bad last year!

ramona, the tricky girl from dd'd class has a lovely, loving mum and loads going for her (other than her personality!!). it's really hard to see why she is so mean.

its hard, isn't it. suppose we don't always know what's going on inside the home though do we?

I think too at this age girls (and boys too) are noticing a lot of inequalities around them - and secondary school is around the corner that they are constantly reminded about with applicaitons just having gone in - so much changes for them in Year 7

ramona, you are right. one girl is a bit of a mhystery, but it's true we don't know what goes on at home.

another is very overweight, sullen and has a very spiteful mother. she freely admits that she hates dd. probably because she is pretty and has a sense of humour. dd has really tried to be friends, but this girl has an irrational dislike of dd.

Ds not a bystander and stands no nonsense had no problems in year 6, What you describe was happening in year 4 but they grew out of it by yr 6. She is now yr 10 and it's the boys over the last few years have been far worse than the girls.