Am I overreacting?!

[pantone363]

Firstly I'm on my iPhone so sorry for typos!

My DD and DS both go to a reasonably small primary school. We are just a normal, average family. No SN no social services involvement.

Last year I received a phone call from the head very concerned that DD had gone to school without any breakfast. I lay the table in the morning, they get breakfast themselves (cereal, fruit or yogurt). DD hadmt got herself any that day. I don't particularly monitor them as I'm usually getting myself and toddler ready (DD is 7). She didn't tell me she hadn't had any breakfast and went to school fine. Then I get a call at 10am from the school to inform me that DD had mentioned to a friend she was hungry the teacher overheard and she was questioned as to what she had eaten that day and then they fed her and phoned me to see why I hadn't fed her?! I kind of brushed it off and pretty much stand over DD and DS to make sure they eat every morning now!

Today I get pulled aside by the head as she wants to talk to me in private. In her words 'a number of staff have approached me today because they are concerned that DD looks quite grubby and disheveled, she also has dried food down her shirt, I wanted to make you aware and see if there is anything going on at home'

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? DD has lost 3 jumpers this term and didn't wear one today but had a vest on under her shirt. I came home from school and checked her shirt and other than some grub around the sleeves it is fine. It does have some old faded paint/ink stains but was fresh out of the machine! Clean trousers, clean socks, clean fitting shoes. Hair still tied back.

I'm starting to think this head has some kind of problem with me, I feel judged and like she is insinuating I am not looking after my children properly. I should also mention here that I am a school governor and she chose to grab me after a 3 hr full governors meeting.

Does this kind of thing sound normal to anyone else? I have seen numerous children with shoes falling off their feet, trainers as no shoes, track suit trousers instead of school trousers and I'm being hassled because DD has some faded stains on a slightly greeting school shirt?!

I think you should have made sure dd had a jumper
It's very cold
The rest is bull shit
I'm not surprised your pissed off

Waffling I do agree that an overstretched mum might sometimes need a wake up call. I entirely disagree that it is in any way the responsibility of a teacher to comment on parenting that is actually well inside the parameters of acceptability. Since when was it my child's primary school teacher's job to comment on the corners I cut in my daily life? Perhaps primary teachers should have home visits so they can alert me to my laziness over ironing, mopping the floor and point out that the dead flowers in a vase on my windowsill should have been changed two weeks ago... The point is that these comments made come under that scary heading 'child protection' when there is no reason whatsoever to suspect the child is being neglected in any reasonable understanding of that term. No wonder the mum is freaking about it.

The reason the head is being a busy body is that what she said can serve no constructive purpose. There are a few possible reasons the child looked a bit more unkempt than normal(if the child even was...):

1. It was a hectic morning. Possibly in which mother discovered laundry had not been done. Possibly hectic because Mum was coping with an unusual stress but not necessarily. In this instance if the mum had an issue she wanted to share with the teacher she would have done so and it is no business whatsoever of the teacher to pry if the child is fine.
2. Teacher fears this instance is indicative of wide ranging neglect. Well this is seriously jumping to conclusions and in this case the only logical course is to wait and see. To talk to the mother can only imply neglect when it almost certainly doesn't exist. If there are real problems it will make no difference.

Thank you all for your comments.

I still feel very uncomfortable that after one instance of perceived 'grubbiness' it was felt necessary to being this up. Also that I was spoken to after the governors meeting at nearly 9.30pm. If it was a genuine concern surely I would've been spoken to after school or rung during school hours. The shirt did not have dried food on it, it was slightly greying and after not wearing a jumper her sleeves were dirty. I am aware that she should've had a jumper on but given that she has list 3 labelled jumpers in school this term I sent her in that morning with instructions to find the latest one! I see no problem with a not brilliant white shirt that has no holes, fits and is missing no buttons. DD has 3 clean shirts every week, she just happened to pick an older one that day and didn't put a jumper over the top.