How to handle difficult patents evening?

[CaramelAndCinammon]

How do you deal with parents evening when your child is very behind?

How do you keep talking to them when all they do is fail your kid?

Why do they insist on having a parents evening when there is nothing more to be said?

I can't be polite. They've told me too many lies. Manipulated the truth far too many times.

I said I didn't want to go but they insisted.

SENCO has been involved for the last 4 years, to no avail.

Every year you get a new eager teacher - who makes the exact same mistakes as the last 5.

I hate school so much :(

How is it in partnership with me? They do whatever they do behind closed doors.

They send home the same homework the rest of the class get.

I've asked for her to be removed from French. They agreed and then didn't do so (which I call lying to me)

I asked for not to hav the same spellings as the reshelp the class. They agreed and then didn't do so....

They don't send home reading books. For 2 years. Because when they did once I complained they weren't appropriate. (both babyish and not phonetic)

They agreed she could read a book I sent in. Then changed their mind when they realised that meant I knew how much reading she did at school.

What's this partnership you speak of?

• phonics not phonic!

"
By school failing her I mean she's not making adequate progress.

Whereas school see she's making some progress. "

Both of those statements are, numerically, true. She has made 1 year of progress over 2 years - you would like her to have made the full 2 years of progress, they see that she has made progress.

It is not really possible to say whether all children should leave on Level 4. The child I am referring to will leave Year 6 on P levels, below Level 1. Look at the intake, and the Year 2 results - from what you know, do you think all Level 4 is a realistic aim? I know of very few schools which do not 'shoot for' Level 4 at least for everyone - but while for some schools, 100% level 4 and 70% level 5 is, in fact, relative failure, for others less than 100% Level 4 could represent massive success given the starting point.

What are the specific interventions? Are they targeted? Specific? What progress has she made on each? Which are working? Which are not? Where something isn't working, what alternatives would they suggest? Are they an academy? Or can they draw on LEA SEN expertise?

I would take that list you have just written in to talk to them about.

If she is withdrawn from French, what would she be doing instead? Is the person she needs to do that with available at that time (on such practical rocks many well-intentioned plans have foundered)!

Reading books - she possibly needs some specific phonics books for less able but older readers. These exist. Ask the SENCo about them, or perhaps about online books that she could access at home and at school.

Spellings and homework - should be sorted easily. I do 5 sets of spellings each week and 4-way differentiated homework (frankly, I'm not a fan of either but isince it's school policy I will at least do it properly) so 2 should be no problem.

My dd is very behind. I still go to meetings and support her TA and teachers because she is making progress even though it's slow, uneven and way behind her peers. You say that you think school are doing their best. If so why are you against having a meeting to discuss your daughters progress. Being disheartened by her lack of progress is normal I am often depressed and sad by the difference between my dd and her peers, but she is my dd and I love her and it is my responsibility to continue to support her. If you have to be dragged to these meetings, school will conclude that you have given up on her and them. This will not help your dd. if you think they need to do more, you need to stay engaged and show an interest in her progress. think about what you think she needs or would benefit for and fight for this.

Sending cansu a

Actually, I don't think it is "school rules" that they "have to" meet with all parents. I'm pretty sure my HT told me recently, when I'd been trying to no avail to arrange a meeting with a parent, that we had to make reasonable attempts to meet with them, but at the end of the day, if parents don't want to attend there's little more we can do. I'm happy to be corrected on this if another teacher knows better though.

So, perhaps you don't have to have this meeting at all. But that said, I really wouldn't recommend missing it. You can't give up on your child in that way, which is the message I think you would be giving. I understand your frustration with the situation, but I'm not so sure your criticisms of this school are really justified. teacherwith2kids has made some excellent points about the way schools operate and measure progress. And shouldn't you be pleased they're trying to sound upbeat and positive about your dd, rather than shrugging their shoulders and giving up?

I am a TA in a year 6 class where currently the vast majority are already working at level 4 across the board, a couple at level 3a (and we fully expect that they will achieve level 4 with lots of support) and there is one child working at level 1a. This child is not statemented yet takes up a HUGE amount of teacher and TA time as well as SENCO and Head Teacher time and in terms of her actual measurable progress has made almost no steps forward for years. I (as classTA) spend as much time as I feasibly can with her, take her out of certain lessons to repeatedly revise basic number facts, play number games, work through special maths programmes aimed at SEN children etc and she is taken by the SENCO daily to try to progress her literacy. The fact is that here we are in Y6 and she is still a level 1a in maths and a level 2b in literacy. NOTHING we could have done, no amount of people being involved, no amount of hours in the day would have changed this....and by the end of Y6 I firmly believe she will have made almost no progress measurable under 'National Curriculum' expectations at all beyond where she is now. But I would like to think she will have progressed socially and emotionally because we include her in school life in every way we can, all the time. So the point I am making is that it doesn't matter what the Government tells you are the national guidelines for where average childern should be...some children will simply not get there despite schools putting in ludicrous amounts of effort and time, and despite parents doing the same. I spent most of this morning going over number bonds to 10 with a Y6 child who has been learning number bonds to 10 since year 1. 5 years!! It's not lack of effort on the school's part, and it's certainly not because we lie to anyone bout what we are doing. She simply cannot retain information. I have to say that from the tone of your posts it sounds as though you are not a fan of her school. I can't speak about her school because I don't know them. But if they work a fraction as hard as I do with the child that I support then I think you should think about the reality of what your child is capable of rather than blaming the school.

Thanks teacher. I am currently enjoying a glass or two now.

teacher - How can I talk to them about reading books when they have been so underhand about the whole thing? Agreeing she could bring in books and then not letting it happen.

She isn't on any interventions, just gets half an hour a day 1:1 help.

There aren't any more interventions for her to do. She's done them all.

There is no more help to be had from the LEA.

I'm not blaming the individuals in the school, they're all doing the best they can.

But their best isn't good enough.

I am blaming the school as a whole, because it's done many, many, many things wrong over the years.

The alternative to upbeat and positive isn't shrug shoulders and give up - it's being realistic.

The only thing I want school to do is be honest with me - but they will never do this.

And while they're not honest with me I find it very very stressful to keep talking to them.

But I think you're right and being factual is the best approach.

I can ask again for her not to do French (I don't see why she needs supervision - why can't she use the class PC with headphones on to do absolutely anything else?)

I can ask again for her spellings to be differentiated.

But, even if they grant me these favours, it won't really change anything. She'll still be 2 years behind.

I don't particularly want school to send books home. I'm quite happy choosing her books myself.

I would disagree that there is nothing to be done. If you think her progress is inadequate, apply for statutory assessment and see if you can get a statement of SEN and more individual 1:1 support. This can make a difference. Dd has 1:1 from a super TA and she is making progress that is visible even though it's slow. You may well be right that school have made promises that they haven't delivered. Start by taking notes at meetings of what is promised, write and confirm what has been agreed after the meeting, ask to meet again after a term and review her progress. If they haven't stuck to what they promised, complain. You sound very frustrated and I know this feeling but you need to start thinking about what it is you think your daughter needs. Does she need a different school? Does she need 1:1 support? Does she need to revisit and relearn her phonics? Does she need extra tutoring a outside school to boost her confidence? I don't know what she needs but being realistic isn't about giving up. I honestly can see where you are coming from but I think you are going at this in the wrong way.

What exactly do you want from the school OP?

It is not true that your child can have had 'all the interventions'. Maybe all the interventions they choose to give her, but not all the interventions that they could.

To give you some indication, last year just under half my class started the year on the SEN register. Every single one of them had a specific programme of targeted interventions. At least 3 hours per day (sometimes up to 6 as we have TAs who specialise in interventions, not necessarily class TAs, so if e.g. the reading intervention specialist was assigned to my children for a day that was in addition to the rest) of skilled TA interventions were divided up between them - some individual, some small groups, sometimes several children working in parallel but individually e.g. 1 on a computer, 1 doing 1 to 1, 1 completing an independent task to feed in to the next 1 to 1 slot.

All the SEN children made progress last year - some slightly ahead of expectatins, some slightly behind but none stayed still, and several made 2 years' of progress in 1 year. This year, I will have at least 1 who will receive much more support (full time 1 to 1) but who will make less progress, so I can't wave a magic wand for everyone. But giving up is NOT an option.

Why do you want her withdrawn from French? Foreign language lessons at primary level are interactive and fun. Why should she not join in?
You say the school lied to you by saying she could be withdrawn and then it not happening. Maybe they were then given guidance that parents cannot pick and choose which lessons their children attend. That's not lying.

Oh and jellybelly makes good points there. Some children just will not make much progress (on paper) in school, however much input there is.

My (other) statemented pupil ADORES French and, because they are starting it at the same time as their peers, is making really good progress whereas in other subjects the gap to others can seem insuperable. Great for their self-esteem.

Documenting what is said is critical - write it down, take it into the meeting, write down the reply and send it in to the SENCo and anyone else at the meeting as a record of the meeting.

And arrange a date for reviewing what is agreed. So that, for example, if they found that withdrawing from French isn't possible, they could feed that back to you formally rather than just not doing it IYSWIM.

Look at some posts by IndigoBell. Her child had difficulties with literacy that sound similar to your daughter's. Literacy was affected more than numeracy. Her strategies might help you. Also, remember that of she is two years behind now, but her comprehension isn't weak, then she should make more rapid progress now, as you have finally cracked the decoding problem ( if she is now 2b/2a). Also, does your child still enjoy school? If she does, and decoding is finally improving, she may make rapid progress this year.

Look at some posts by IndigoBell. Her child (also now Year 5) had difficulties with literacy that sound uncannily similar to your daughter's. Literacy was affected more than numeracy. Her strategies might help you. Also, remember that if she is two years behind now, but her comprehension isn't weak, then she should make more rapid progress now, as you have finally cracked the decoding problem ( if she is now 2b/2a). Also, does your child still enjoy school? If she does, and decoding is finally improving, she may make rapid progress this year.