Boarding School Angst need to make a decision

[LCR1973]

Good evening

We are looking to send our DS and DD to Bromsgrove School as boarders and wondered if any one had similar decisions to make and if so what helped you to make the decision

Many thanks LCR

I boarded at prep and senior school. Loved boarding at prep school age. Endless fun, like a permanent sleep-over. We had fantastic activities, caring staff and it was really good. HATED boarding at senior school. Hormonal teenage girls all together without own rooms/space, insufficient activities and just not great. Also wasn't fab growing up through those years without much parental input. Not that I got on amazingly well with my parents lol. As an adult I'm very independent - probably too much so tbh. Had a better relationship with my parents than I would have done staying at home though.

OP hasn't said what age the DCs are.

Also, she started two threads about this, and the other one makes it clear they are committed to boarding and are after specific information about the school she names in the opening post.

I realise my previous post reads as very sad.

Yes, there was no option except boarding school for me and my siblings. School was fine, but I was very attached to my parents and home, it was a good attachment, and that attachment was severed suddenly by going to boarding school. I made good friends and came out of it reasonably balanced (eventually, it took a while), because there was always lots of love at home, and we (children) always knew that. It did change my relationship with my mother in particular.

What makes me sad is that others go thru now, what my adult mind now perceives as difficult and not a good feeling, for want of a better phrase.
I completely know that there are kids where boarding school is the only option (like me), or the better option. I was fine at school, no difficulties etc, but breaking the primary attachment at the age of 12 wasn't good, to put it mildly, for me.

A building with everything except love sounds a bit dramatic maybe, but that's what I think.

I assume the OP is looking at prep school age hence posting in this section.

Only the OP can know what is right for their dcs. In my case the decision was easy. The school is local, ds has chosen to board rather than being compelled to do so. The two other schools we considered would have required full boarding from the start. I would have struggled with that as I think 8 is too young to be away from home for that long (even though ds said he wanted to do it).

I know ds misses me because he says so but he also says that he doesn't want to come home (when I've suggested I come and collect him). However he doesn't miss me enough to call home and gets annoyed when I call him as I'm interrutping whatever he is doing.

What is best for your child? NOT... what does your child want?.. or do they like boarding?.. but what is BEST for them.
Children need a home... children need a family... children need to be loved and shown this love. In my opinion, apart from in very unusual circumstances, it is better for a child to be a home where they are part of a loving family that they see every day and interact with every day. A parents cannot show their love on a daily basis if a child is boarding... even though the child may love it. My children love chocolate but I don't give it to them every day, because it would be bad for them.
I boarded from year 3 to year 13 - I loved it, every minute of it, was so happy and have wonderful memories... but that does not mean it was the best decision for me. If a child is happy in that moment, it may not be best for them long term.
Think very carefully before you do it.

Age is a really important factor.

DH boarded from 7 - Year 3. He 'liked' it, in the main, at prep school, but very much disliked senior school. His relationship with his parents was and is that of a polite stranger - he describes it as being like a lodger in his parents' house. It perhaps didn't help that he has a sister who didn't board, whose relationship with her parents was extremely close and loving, so he (as anyway the quieter character of the two) felt marginalised.

I boarded from 11 - Year 8 started a year young. I was just about mature enough to understand the compromises being made - a truly amazing education obtained at the cost of having to board. Because my parents took the time, and I was old enough to appreciate, the reasons behind the decision, my relationship with my parents remained very much intact.

Attitude also helped. DH was always told how lucky he was, the sacrifices being made for him to go (even now, 35 years on, it is still the first thing DH's parents talk about when they mention him - all those sacrifices) etc, and so never felt able to say 'actually, I hate it'. My parents were very clear that if I was unhappy, I could leave.

I had a very upset ds on the phone from school this afternoon. The reason he was upset was because he wanted to board tonight rather than come home. Clearly I must be a terrible mother that he prefers boarding than being at home with me .

I don't think you can compare boarding now to what it was 20 or more years ago. Even just normal day state schools have changed out of all recognition from when I was at school. To think that boarding schools haven't would mean they must be in some weird time warp, which of course they aren't.

There's talk on here of great fun, fantastic activities etc, but little talk of the emotional side of things

I'm desperate not to out myself so I won't say too much.

Except I know that the emotional needs of boarders at excellent current boarding schools are met. The age of the dislocated 'lost' adult have gone. Boarders are extremely well emotionally supported in excellent school now.

Felicity good point. Before ds started boarding I had a meeting with boarding master, pastoral care, form teacher and head of ds's part of the school. All to discuss what sort of child ds was, what his personality was like etc. They all spoke to him separately plus matron so ds knows who he can talk to.

Emotionally ds is well adjusted and I'm not expecting that to change just because he's boarding.

Wow OP I hope you have not been frightened off by the responses! I have a DD and DS at Bromsgrove. They are day pupils but have boarded occasionally. The new prep school boarding house is fab. Let me know if you want further info.

Lots of my colleagues have sent their primary school age children to boarding school because the alternative is that they will move schools every couple of years and see boarding as a lesser of two evils. That or that they feel that in sending their children to a boarding school with the assistance of a very generous boarding school education package gives their child an exposure to a life they wouldn't otherwise have had. Hmmmm...

I personnally wouldn't ever send my child to a boarding school and don't really understand why anyone would unless faced with exceptional circumstances such as moving around alot.

Difficult decisions- best of luck.