Reception year, birthday party etiquette?

[Nici177]

This may not be the right forum but I wasn't sure where to post really. My DD turns 5 during half term and she wants to have a tea party. She's given me 5 names if children from school she wants to invite, some if the parents I know and some I don't. I'm just a bit nervous about being the first mum to only invite some children. My DD doesn't really have any tact and will merrily talk about her party, and i don't want any of the other children getting upset about not being invited. I'm probably worrying about nothing, and to be fair the invites haven't even gone to school yet and am just imaging the worse. I guess I'm just asking what other parents experiences are of organising small party's when at school.

IMO other parents love it when someone else has a small party as it opens the gates for everyone else feeling they can too. Whole class parties can be too big and overwhelming for a lot of people and smaller ones are much nicer. Really I wouldn't worry :)

Agree with Miranda! I plan to do this for the next birthday. I think it is a good thing that your dd knows who her friends are. Just give invitations out discreetly or ask teacher/ta to put in book bags. Enjoy your tea party

We have just done this and it was fine. I was more worried about parents than the children, in spreading the word (asking to share lifts and so on).
The invitations were worded carefully to explain that ds didn't know many people yet so we were inviting a few of his closest friends. People then felt chuffed they were a 'close friend' !

Where you are only inviting 5 children then I wouldn't even worry about being discrete - it's such a small group that the majority are not being invited so its not like anyone in particular is being left out & it is truly your DDs choice so can't see how anyone can complain (unless she has a particular good friend who is not invited). Enjoy

I think at 5 your DD will be able to understand if you sit her down and say she needs to try not talk about it too much to people who aren't coming because she might hurt their feelings, and ask how she'd feel if it happened to her, etc. Other than that - I don't think any parents would have a problem with it.

Hi Nici177

Talk to the teacher - but usually they can discreetly put invitations into children's bags for you - especially if it is only a few.

Stress to your DD that it's a small party - more a play date - that will help keep excitement levels down. Also stress that other children might feel bad not to be invited - so best not to discuss it too much at school.

HTH

Thank you all for your replies. As usual, me worrying more than needed I think . I'll have a chat with the TA we see at breakfast club and ask her to pop invites into book bags, most of the children are in her reading group so will all have them with them tomoz. I hadn't thought that other parents might be relieved with someone setting a precedent for a small party, that's helped loads. Thank you all again.

Don't be too disappointed if some of the children can't come. A lot of people I know are going away at half term.

Definitely don't feel bad if it's properly small and there's lots left out. At ds's school there were only around 10 in each year and it was much worse if most parents did an 'invite everyone' in reception (which we mostly did) and one just left out one or two.

So I say, really tiny small school, probably best to ask everyone first year. More than ten in the year? Merrily set a precedent for small parties!

There are 28 in the class so a small proportion have been invited. I've spoken to the mums I know and they are good to come, including DD 'best friend', so defo have 3 coming .

I have read this with interest as DS's birthday is in the first week of Sept so we will be setting the precedent next year. So glad it's ok not to invite the whole class!

My DD had her fifth birthday 3 weeks into term. She only invited one girl from school..who she had been at pre school with. everyone else was from outside school. With the teachers agreement she did make and take in fairy cakes to share. I felt that so early on she just did not know who her friends were and there are 27 in the class...so too many for invite all.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a small party and I think many parents would welcome it. DS is in reception and we don't know any of his friends yet so I suspect we will end up having the dreaded 'whole class party' until next year when hopefully friendship groups will develop.

In my mind you have two choices in reception - you either have the whole class (and the cost/problems/politics) that goes with it or you have a a small party for a few friends. The worst option is to have a party with the majority of the class invited and a few obvious non-invitees!