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How long would expect a Kindergarten child to settle in at school? (super long)

3 replies

HerRoyalNotness · 20/09/2012 18:27

DS1 started Kinder at the end of August. He was looking forward to it, every day we drove past in the summer we'd point to the school and say, look there is your new school, he would do the same after a couple of times, and was generally happy about it.

As background, previously he has been to a childminder from age 1-3, then a private preschool, age 3-5. We've also travelled extensively with him, he is a little shy at first meeting people, but after 10mins gets very comfortable. He is a personable little guy.

Basically he is not happy at school. He asked this morning if it was the weekend yet, and when told no, that he had a sore tummy. I didn't work today so dropped him off near school start time (normally goes to before school club, but he wanted to walk to school, so we went later). He didn't want to go into the before school club, and clung to me, had a little cry about it. I find if I'm matter of fact, he is okay, so I left. The supervisor said once he's in he enjoys himself. They then get him to class. The school rang DH and said he'd been to the sick room complaing of being ill, they checked him out and he obviuosly wasn't, then admitted he was sad, didn't like school and wanted to go home. They asked DH to have a little chat with him about staying at school. When they took him to class, he REFUSED to go in and sat outside the room. They then phoned me, and said, best not to pick him up, we'll sort it out. They said then, that it looks like separation anxiety. Based on his previous, I can't imagine this is true.

And surely after a few weeks, a child should be adapting to a new surrounding, not getting more anxious about it? I suspect he has no connection with his teacher. She sent a note home last week saying he cried when she asked him to write his name on his picture. The week before, it was crying because she told him not to touch the other kids in circle time (he wasn't being aggressive, just touching someones leg, or arm etc...)

I'm not sure how to get to the bottom of what is troubling him. I asked him if he could tell us why he doesn't like school, we could then try to fix it for him so that he could enjoy it and be happy there.

This school has had some form in the past for not dealing with incidents well (based on information from my colleagues and friends who had children in the school, they ended up pulling them out).

There is a parent teacher meeting tonight (general one), and we need to try to find a solution for his unhappiness. What can we suggest? A friend suggested they put him in another class on Monday as an experiment and see how he goes. If it doesn't work, we can rule out, the lack of connection with his teacher, and try something else.

We didn't have any cause for concern at preschool about his behaviour or happiness. He did have a period of not wanting to go as he was being bullied, but the issue was resolved and he overcame that.

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dikkertjedap · 20/09/2012 18:59

Are you in the UK? Because if he is five, he surely has started Reception class now at a primary school rather than Kindergarten (eg nursery)?

Also, do I understand it correctly that he has moved from a private school to a state school?

It seems that he has already had to deal with quite a few changes, eg childminder, pre-school, travelling and now primary school with before and I assume possibly afterschool care. Maybe it is just getting a bit too much for him?

It is not necessarily strange that a primary school child becomes unsettled after a few weeks at school. It starts sinking in that life is going to be like that from now on and not all of them are happy with that. Also, primary school and nursery are very different. So it is perfectly well possible that he liked nursery but is less keen on primary school.

It is also possible that he is becoming really tired especially if he is in before and after school care.

Does he have friends in his class? Could you invite one of his friends over in the weekend so he can build stronger friendships?

Does he find the work he is being asked to do very hard? Is he worried about making mistakes?

I would start exploring these things, initially with him but if no luck then with his teacher.

HerRoyalNotness · 20/09/2012 19:24

Thanks Dikker, some good ideas there. We are in Quebec. We put him in a private preschool, which did a nursery program then a pre kindergarten (which was in French) as he really needed to start with some structure/learning. We'd been told by other parents that the program was so good for the preK, once he got to K class, that he would have done all the work at his preschool already. Maybe he is bored?

He is at state school now. I had reservations about the school, but it was that or trying a completely french school, or private at 20k+. There is another english elementary in our area, but it is not recommended at all.

The Kindergarten is at the Elementary (primary) school that goes up to grade 6 I think it is.

At the moment he is at school for 8am, and gets the bus home, we have a part time nanny that meets him at the bus stop, which is around 4pm, then we're home by six. Just to add into the mix, she is leaving us in 2 weeks, and that is when he'll starting going to after school at the Y. He LOVES going there in the morning, they hang out in the gym and play games. It's the favourite part of his day. He is looking forward to after school at the Y too, they will pick him up and walk them down to the Y, where they can do homework, play, take swimming classes etc..

I do understand he may be tired. they're supposed to have a nap time at school in the afternoons but his teacher has it marked down as "yoga" most of the week and one day "meditation".

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HerRoyalNotness · 20/09/2012 19:28

Just to say, it's similar hours to at preschool. We would drop him off at 8am, his Nanny pick him up at 3.30, then either go to the park or play at home and we'd be home at 6, so a similar schedule so far.

Argh, I feel so sorry for him, the next big change is his lovely Nanny moving in 2 weeks and adapting to her leaving and after school club.

he has a couple of friends in Kindergarten but they are in different classes to him. He says he says them at the breaks and plays with them.

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