What do you do with regard to 'play dates' during the week? Overwhelmed!

[EdMcDunnough]

Ds1 is 9 now and has a lot of friends. The thing is we keep getting invited, or he does, rather, to their houses after school, and for some reason I find this a bit much.

I think its's because he is really tired in the evenings, and needs to wind down and also he has quite a bit of homework this year. Plus, I miss him in the day and would like to see him for a bit...and plus, it means I feel obliged to invite their children in return, and atm I can't (pregnant, knackered, untidy etc)

He wants to do three after school clubs as well, which means my waiting around with ds2 for an hour on those evenings. And to be goingto other kids' houses on the other nights just seems a bit excessive.

I just wanted to ask what is reasonable - should I be allowing him this social activity - which he loves - or should I be firm about it and say no, unless it's a Friday maybe so he can be all excited and it doesn't matter the next morning?

What do you do with your 9yos?

Tbh, I just say no!

My DS1 is in year 4, and has so many clubs, that I struggle to fit in playdates. Ge has two regular friend's he visits, but these are often on weekends.

DS1 is in year 1, and is exhausted after school, so I limit his too.

We're very sociable in other ways, but I work as well, and the thought of endless play dates for the sake of it... I'm certain they are fine about it, are both popular at school, and my friends (the other parents) don't mind.

Just work out what suits you.

I think that free play with his friends is really really important. I would limit the after school clubs to 2 and then have 1 play date during the week and 1 in the weekend.

DS is 5 and only has them on Friday and then only occasionally. Any other time is normally childcare favours for other people.

I think 3 nights a week after school is enough tbh. We've moved some activities to weekends to allow us to fit in playdates (which seem to be easier to organise during the week). Also we have playdates "round" activities - so before an early evening activity or after a "straight after school" activity. The 2 free evenings allow time to recoup batteries!

Maybe you need to untangle the problems - it seems like there are a few different ones:

1. needing to invite other dc home to yours - I wouldn't worry if you can't at all. Dd has friends here & rarely goes to their houses (they live out of town), vv she has another friend & always goes to their house (they play Magic with her big bro who cba to walk to ours). Basically what goes around comes around - in a couple of years you may be happy to do lots of hosting.

2. The after school activities are a PITA for you because of hanging around. In these circs I'd limit to one activity & make him choose the favourite. It doesn't seem reasonable for him to make you wait around for an hour.

3. He's tired and has to do homework - maybe you need to talk with him about bedtimes, when he's going to get homework done, and perhaps agree an earlier bed or a time that he will do his work? A 9 y/o should be able to help come to a sensible decision.

4. You want some family time - maybe just say that you want to specify one (or more) evening in the week when you are all home & let him help choose the day?

I do feel your pain about the never seeing them thing - it only gets worse I think as they get older. But its great that he has good friends and wants to play with them out of school. At that age I don't really see it as 'playdates' - more them arranging their social life with their friends.

Sorry - didn't say. I have a 10 y/o and it goes in waves - one month she's either got a friend here or is out after school, the next she'll be home loads & just go to her organised activities.

I have said no more than 3 organised after school activities absolute tops per week though otherwise she does get overtired. But be grateful - I have friends who are desperate to get their dc to join in with anything!

Wanted to add that DS2 sees the clubs as his social life. He's just spent two hours at the tennis club. One hour lesson with his friends and an hour just playing. He'd rather do that than play at a friend's house.

Sorry, DS1. (DS2 is the tired one)

Thanks guys. Those are really helpful posts - and Takver, thankyou for breaking it down!

I particularly like the idea of the clubs being his social life - esp if we can combine them with taking another child home or something, and a bit of a play after.

I might make him choose two clubs, because it's too hard to combine everything and next week he has to miss a club because he's been invited somewhere else - again! So it might be better to give his place to another child.

We have an 'important' club on a Wednesday (definitely his favourite) which he does with a good friend, and Fridays he's starting something else and I'm to collect him and another close friend, after, so they'll have time together then.

I worry that I restrict his free play too much, I'm quite insular, but it's working out what will fit in and tbh the mum whose house he went to last night looked exhausted when I went to get him - her child is very, very silly and wild and of course with ds there to join in, they had a lot of fun but it was chaos. I felt really sorry for her and she is the QUEEN of free play and letting kids be kids...so maybe she is regretting it a bit!

I will have a good think and try and make a plan so it's all doable. Thanks again for all the brill suggestions.