Homework - how much are parents expected to 'help' and how much do you 'help' or leave alone?

[BeckyBendyLegs]

I've had many a discussion with my friends about this. I try to give minimal assistance to my DSs, perhaps helping them come up with ideas with imaginative type work but encouraging them to think for themselves as much as I can. I certainly don't help with maths or literacy homework and even resist checking it if I can. Basically I am just too busy (I work and am doing a foundation degree)!!! But my friends seem to sit with their children every night and watch over them as they do every single bit of homework or reading (most of them are SAHMs). Can teachers tell the difference and what would they expect? I try to listen to them read as much as I can, I can't do it every night and they write in their reading records what they've read at bedtime themselves anyway. Just curious really what other parents do (wondering if I should feel guilty or not!)

I bet teachers can tell.

How old are your DSs?
I like guidance our primary school gives: To give them the support they need to get it done, and otherwise, any writing must be in their own hand.

Do lots of British parents actually do the homework into the late teen years? Reading the GCSE controversy threads it would seem so. My mind boggles. In my background both parents always worked full time, nobody had energy for such nonsense.

DD says that many of her friends get a lot of support from family to get homework done. I would do that for DD if she needed it, but she doesn't, and I know the skills she's picked up already will do her huge credit in long run. Meanwhile, I have to shut us in a quiet room together & handhold 8yo DS for him to get anything done. Different kids, different needs.

I used to let them start on it. If they got stuck, I would help. I would write a note on it to the teacher that they needed 'a little' 'or alot' or 'sorry x was unable to grasp this'

of help I mean!

In the long term, your child will need to learn to do it on their own - but children vary in how soon they are able to do that, so the fact that some parents are more involved than others isn't necessarily wrong, it just reflects whether they think their child is able to get on with it, or needs more input/nagging/encouragement.

DS always used to do his homework on the kitchen table, with me pottering about doing dishes/ironing/cooking so I could tell if he was getting on with things, and was there to give a hand if needed, but I wasn't looking over his shoulder the whole time. I never thought that my job was to check it and tell him where he'd gone wrong, only to help clarify if he was stuck - I think it's better that the teacher sees the wrong answer and realises that something hasn't quite clicked, rather than him getting "full marks" but not understanding something, that's not the point of homework, or education in general.

I'm sure the teachers can tell the difference very clearly - they know what the child is capable of in school time, if their homework comes back very neat and full of detail when their classwork is sloppy then it's obvious it's not really been their own work.

My parents didn't help me at all with homework, both worked, then divorce, mum working full time. I had to do it all myself. One of my friends has a DS in Year 7 and she sits with him every night and helps him. Mine are 8, 6 (and 2) and the older two get spellings, times tables every week and one piece of homework every week, plus some over the holidays.

As a Maths teacher I don't mind parents helping with their homework, however I prefer it done obviously in a different colour, or a star next to it with a key saying 'with help' or similar, so that I know that the child couldnt't do it unaided and isn't yet secure in the method.

I've just been helping my 5 yo with his numeracy homework, it is something that he is struggling with so I've got bricks out to try to demonstrate it but I still don't think he understands it. I've noted on his book that he was struggling and didn't get it.

My whole view is that I cannot sit his exams for him (thank god I'm not going back there again) so he needs to understand and learn from the word go, there isn't any point in me doing it. Agree with trinity completely.

I ask mine if they have any homework / what homework they have, and if they've done it. If they want to ask me for help, I will give it, and put a note on page to explain to their teacher, but if they don't ask, then it's up to them. Mine are older now, but this was what happened in Juniors too.

Mine is only young so at the moment I would say that everything she brings home (spelling and reading so far) is to be done with me.

I think as they get older I would go with a general rule if it is to "learn" something at home then I would help e.g tables, spellings etc

If it is something like a worksheet I would let her do it herself because if I help her the teacher would not be able to see the areas that she is not so good at.

I don't think parents giving a lot of assistance with homework is truly helpful in the end, they can't be sat next to them when they take exams so they need to learn to do it on their own.

(although it is a struggle to keep my hands off the crafty projects. I have to sometimes leave the room to stop myself. But then you can always tell when parents have done them)

We nag encourage homework to be done and test spellings etc. Quite honestly I find myself unable to do most of DS's homework, so long since I've been at school and the maths in particular is beyond me is taught in a different way . DH is better at the science and maths stuff !

I'm a 'helping' getting it out of the way before ww3 starts culprit, I'm afraid, I/we certainly don't do it for him, but help, a lot. Have made promises to myself to leave him at the table in the kitchen with all the resources necessary. He's just started Y5 btw, so I bet many of you think I'm a madwoman, to still be involved.

My dsis is a teacher, They Know. After all, they are totally aware of what dc are capable of, the standard normally acheived. The only thing I'm going to do is make sure he doesn't spend hours doing it. The recommended time school set is 45mins. As long as I know he's not sitting staring in to space and is trying hard, that will be it, finished or not.

Just read over post and thinks 'yeah right' to self!!! Really am gonna try though!

This is interesting. My dd (Y3) has one homework sheet a week (other than spellings/tables/reading which I have to hear) and veers between demanding that I leave the room completely and have nothing to do with it, to insisting that I sit with her throughout and discuss every question in great depth.
She does like me to check it through, though, and if she's got something wrong I do ask her if she's sure it's the right answer, as she likes to rush through things without looking at them properly and mistakes are usually just sloppiness rather than her not knowing.

Ds1 is year 4, and also does his homework at the kitchen table. I potter around, and help if he gets stuck.

The main thing with my DS is to keep him moving, as he is a slow, steady worker, who could spend two hours on a half hour piece of homework - I just keep the momentum going by asking what number he is on etc. I also encourage him to check his maths, as he tends to make silly mistakes if he rushes.

I am gradually easing off though, and some weeks I don't get any questions at all.

My dcs get on with homework independently. If they are writing a story, I will read the finished version and, if there are lots of mistakes, I will suggest that they read it through v carefully and correct what they find themselves. Similarly with a maths sheet. But I don't point out the mistakes or do the homework for them. The only thing I will do is "bubble writing" on a poster, book front cover etc as they can't do it, it takes them ages, causes world war three and I don't think that it is a life skill at this age! I don't colour the letters in though....

DD varies, if its for a spelling test we do the test with her mainly as she needs support with english as has phonetical issues

Maths and projects we mainly help when asked but I am the same she is at the table with me or OH pottering about her I work shifts so when she at the CM she will do the homework with CM daughter

I always check the homework though and will talk her through any mistakes I see

Hi Beckybendylegs:

You know I think this really depends.

For instance does your school provide feedback and correct incorrecct answers/ spellings and return them to your DC to check through? Ours just puts on a sticker and occasionally (1 in 10 homeworks - usually more) writes a comment. I have let maths homeworks go in with wrong answers just to 'test the water' but nothing. No comment to my DD and nothing sent home, just move on to next topic in maths. At our school at least it seems to be about giving it and recording it's been done - but isn't about understanding it, using it to monitor progress and adjust teaching, etc...

So, first off I'm a working Mum, although 3/4 time.

Second like you I did my own homework absolutely unaided by my parents (although provided with a drink and a snack - and occasional help with spelling a word) when I was at school.

But.... and here's the catch.... DD1 honestly couldn't do what I'd have expected a late Y2 child to do in maths and reading. (Then I double checked with teachers who are friends but work at other primary schools - a neighbour and two friends from ballet and they agreed 'DD1 was 'not where she should be'). I was convinced the problem was explanation and practice (or rather the lack thereof in both cases). I got involved and frankly I've been ghost teaching DD1 and DD2 for the last 2 years.

DD1 has now moved on to doing her work herself. I remind her it's time to do it and provide snacks but generally I am doing my bit with her younger sister (DD2 Y3) these days (which includes helping with timing & reading music with a musical instrument practice).

I'd love to have sent my kids to a school where this much involvement wasn't necessary but the consensus view (mind you from teacher friends as well) is that this is what you have to do these days, if you want your child to do well. The interesting thing is that friends from work with DCs in fairly highly regarded private schools in this LEA also appear to spend as much time supporting their children - so at least it isn't a state vs. private thing.

I have let maths homeworks go in with wrong answers just to 'test the water' but nothing. No comment to my DD and nothing sent home, just move on to next topic in maths.

But the teacher would probably have recorded in her assessments that your dd struggled (and rightly so if you were doing it for her) and topics are repeated in cycles - so next time she started planning, she would know which point your dd was at.

I am a learning mentor, and part of my job is to mark homework and arrange interventions based on this to embed knowledge.

If I marked work that had been completed at home with too much parental input, I wouldnt have an accurate picture of the child's understanding.

Helping and encouraging is fine and very helpful. Giving answers is not, particularly with maths and literacy homework.

Not that it's a problem for me, from my group of 12 target children, only 2 have parental support with homework. The rest simply aren't interested and don't really value their child's education.

Also, modern learning methods, such as division by chunking or multiplication using partitioning, differ from the ones most parents were taught. Teaching your child a different method can be quite confusing for them. If you want to help, it's a good idea to familiarise yourself with the school's methods.

I remember one morning one of my pupils hadn't done his homework, he'd lost his sheet. His dad asked for another sheet, said bye to his son, then went home, did it, and brought it back to us!

Still makes me laugh today!

Don't do that :)

Spellings caused world war 3 last year.

DS is now in year 2 and has weekly homework. I don't think any of the tasks can be done without parental help.

This week he had to research an animal and write about it. He needed some encouragement but chose the animal. I helped him find some websites then he chose which facts to write down and drew a picture. I pointed out his spelling corrections.

I plan to put a post it note in the book to let his teacher know how much help he had.

Another one here who potters about while kids do their homework at the kitchen table.

Mine are KS1 and KS2. I listen to them read and I help them to learn their spellings (less so with the older DC who can do his own now). Sometimes I talk to them to stimulate some ideas if they are stuck (though try to ensure ideas are theirs and not mine) or explain things if they are struggling (but NOT giving them the answers).

If the teacher doesn't know when they are struggling, then they won't adjust their work accordingly.

Worst I've seen was when the children got asked to make robots for their homework. Lots of fun sticking together boxes, covering with tin foil etc - result one fairly crappy homemade robot. When we went into the playground there were kids whose robots had light-up eyes, moving arms, etc. Lots of kids in Y2 who had acquired impressive electronic engineering skills

DD has just started yr 2. In previous years we have been sent home a 'family home learning' sheet of tasks so we were expected to be very involved, tasks including 'discuss with an adult' or doing things then photographing and printing the pictures as evidence. I dont expect any child in the class was photographing and printing alone, although they have taught this skills at school, I'm not ready to let dd have free range with the camera and printer yet.

I hated the concept of 'family home learning' but have two more years to endure as ds just started reception.

DD got tonnes of homework last week, I helped her make a lapbook, cutting out photographs as she wrote captions which still took up hours, if I hadnt helped it would have ruined our weekend. I'm trying to back off and be in charge of supplying opportunities before the deadlines and providing inspiration.

The school seem to think educating me is one of their duties and are determined to suck me in somehow!