Being "told on" Teacher/TA reactions

[Frikadellen]

I am wondering how other school find that their teacher / TA react if a child in Keystage 2 claims that a child has done something they are not meant to do. (from talking badly to to pushing and bullying)

If the adult has not seen the incident what is the fair thing to expect as a reaction?

I am aware I am drip feeding a bit but I am trying to gauge if I have to high expectations.

If it was me (a TA in KS2) I would go and talk to the other child to find out their side of the story, then bring them both together so that we could come to some agreement on what has happened and how to put matters right.
The thing to ask is to find out "What has happened?"...not blame someone straight away.

It really depends on the situation. If it was serious I would spend more time 'investigating' it than if it was a minor issue. Most issues boil down to one child's word against another. It is also true that children often lie to avoid being in trouble. You are going to have to give more info to get an answer really. I would also consider whether it is an important issue and whether it is worth getting het up about. If a child was reprimanded verbally for pushing when lining up or talking in the line then tbh you wil look like a bit of a loon if you make a fuss.

I should also add that even after investigating and talking to all parties and witnesses teachers have to make a judgement call when telling off and punishing children. It isn't always easy.

It will sound minor. However it is a part of something a lot larger It was due to this I wished to know without giving details.

Personally I expect the TA/Teacher to hear both sides before dishing out punishment/ giving telling off.

I wondered if I was expecting to much here but from responses above I think not.

We have had several cases since school started where my son has been told on and immediately told off without his side has been asked for. I know this sounds like I am making a mountain out of a molehil but it is a part of something much larger hence for him is a big deal. I wondered though if it was worth mentioning when I go to speak with the teacher tomorrow or if I was expecting to much each time for the person to ask both sides of the story.

Personally I would be more concerned that maybe my ds wasn't behaving well in school rather than whether he had been asked for his side.

Yes I am sure you would Cansu.

I wonder if I had put my daughter and not my son if you would have immediately jumped to the conclusion this had to have something to do with her being the one misbehaving.

I listen to both sides of the story, then listen to witnesses too. If there's no evidence one way or the other, I'd normally let it go- but I would warn both children that I will be looking out for similar incidents in future.

I don't think it makes a difference if the child is a girl or boy.

I can see I have touched a nerve. Of course a girl could be misbehaving. I really don't know what you are on about. Fwiw I have a ds and dd. dd is perfectly capable of misbehaving! of course your ds or dd may be an innocent party who other children constantly tell on for no reason, BUT he or she could also be muddying the waters and distracting you from dealing with their poor behaviour by moaning that they don't get time to tell their side.

My point Cansu was I had given almost no details and you made the assumption that my son was the one in the wrong. In this case that is not the situation I have several people INCLUDING 3 teachers saying this.

I don't wish to give a lot of detail because it will out me.
I wanted to know if I was expecting too much, that the Teacher/TA should hear both sides of the story. I have never looked after 100 of children and whilst I felt it was a fair expectation that they did I wished to be told if I was expecting to much.
Considering the responses here I do not think I am expecting too much.

Do you only have your son's word he was told off? I am a TA in y3 and when this kind of thing happens 'he pushed me on the carpet/she said a swear word' my usual response is a stern 'I don't want any pushing on my carpet' to everyone concerned, not just the child who was 'told on'. I find usually these things are tit for tat and noone is completely blameless.

Yep teacher should hear both sides form both kids. Over time one will end up being generally a more reliable source then the other but both sides have to be heard.

I have some sympathy for you Frikadellen.
I have a DS (along with a friend)who is constantly followed in the playground by 2 other boys. They push and shove and disrupt games, say really quite mean things etc. Then when DS has had enough he will turn round and tell him to go away - in a usual level of rudeness for 9 year old boys (not swearing, but probably not nice!).
The boys immediately go and tell. They all have the being nice to each other conversation.
DS had been through the telling the supervisor each time he was pushed - playing nicely conversation. He has done the avoidance, the boys find him - the playing nicely conversation. The teacher has spoken to all parents involved. The friend of DS parents complained that it was bullying. The teacher seems to agree, although DS doesn't feel bullied, just bored with being hassled by them - and constantly being 'told off and told to play nicely'. His teacher tells me that he actively avoids confrontation. What more can he do!
Things aren't always tit for tat - some children are always the protagonist - even if they get their victim to react and all have punishment.
Even though his teachers know that it is not initiated by DS - he feels told off constantly. Result - a loss of respect for the authority of the teacher. This is not overly strong. When the response to me telling him to go and tell whoever is in charge is 'what's the point, they never do anything, and if they do, I get told off too. It's a waste of time'