Help - Reception child suddenly doesn't want to go, v upset?

[MouseSquirrelMum]

Hi
My DS started school 2 weeks ago after 4years at nursery/preschool 3 days a week, and he loved it. Started half days, last week full days plus before and after school. I know, a lot of change in a short time...Still seemed to largely love it, although sometimes a bit clingy in the morning. Mostly I thought he was upset because he knew his little sister was very upset going to nursery without him - and we seemed to be getting her settled.

But last night, suddenly he wanted to talk about school, how many people there are, he doesn't know what to do, he wants to be home with me, he wants me to be there with him, he doesn't know anyone, people "look funny, with funny hair" (!). So, we talked about what was worrying him, some ideas on what to try. All in all, after a tiring weekend, he ended up going to sleep late on top of everything.

So, this morning, total meltdown, didn't want to go. I gave him a card in his bag "so he'd know I love him although I'm not there", we talked again about how to make friends and his plan for lunchtime (which seems to be part of the problem, new people sitting with him, people from his class finishing before him and leaving) - but he was distraught and clinging onto me when DH dropped me at the station for work and saying he won't be able to look at my card because school take his bag away.

It's ripping my heart out, seeing him so upset. Never mind him crying, now I want to cry too. I'm going to go to school tomorrow and see what the teacher says and also whether there is someone in his class would like to come over for a playdate.

What else can I do??

And does anyone have any ideas what I can give him to take with him that he can keep on him?

thanks for listening!

Hi MouseSquirrelMum my DD has just started in Reception and seems to love it but then last night suddenly asked if she could go back to her preschool instead. Turns out she too is finding the lunchtime a bit intimidating - she is used to a small playground with around 30 children her own age and the large one with about 200 mainly bigger children is a bit scary. She went off ok this morning though and I had a quick word with her teacher, but I am now on amber alert!

I'm surmising your DS is having school dinners. Might a packed lunch work better? So he gets a bit of home and a bit more control at dinner time? Very short-sighted solution I know - I would love DD to have school dinners but she insisted on pack-ups.

Fingers crossed it's just a hiccup and there's enough about their schools that they love that they'll soon get over it. Good luck!

Some children do get upset after a while as they realise it's not just for a few days. Or as ds said after a couple of weeks "you mean I've got 14 more years of school?"

However, just from what you've written I wonder if you've been giving his little sister attention because she was more upset and he thinks he can get in on the attention that way.
It doesn't have to be much, perhaps he's noticed that when granny phoned you said "Ds is loving school, dd was brilliant today, she went in all by herself, such a big girl..."

If you think it might be the latter, then I'd make a big thing of how great he is about school, how big he now is (maybe there's a privilege that you get in your household when they're big enough. eg. we had pocket money starts when they start school)

If lunch is the problem, then I knew someone who used to put a note in the lunch box (if it's packed lunch) or a picture etc. My dd1 used to like wearing my watch when she went somewhere new, but I wouldn't have been keen on her taking it to school.

It will pass, and another day you'll be the one looking on as a different child clings and your ds trots in with a big smile on his face...

Thanks fatfloosie.

I think it's the same thing - suddenly at lunchtime there are loads of people and a lot of them are bigger (with "funny hair and not sweet voices"!). I wonder if a packed lunch would count as something from me as well as less for him to deal with? I'd really hoped not to go down the packed lunch line (having obsessively sent both children to nursery with organic, home made, ice-cubed weaning food until age 1 and nearly collapsed in the process!), but it could be an idea ...

Other people have said it's normal that they are so tired for the first half term that they just get illogical and up and down- one of those "nobody warned me" moments I guess!

Hope yours turns out well...

Thanks DeWe (and how do I make people's names go bold??)

I've been pondering the attention thing too. Partly the poor boy has had almost no attention all weekend due to me hosting a big party (which he loved but he saw almost nothing of both parents as we rushed about) and probably he did hear lots of "yeh, he's doing great, she's had a hard time", plus he knows we're making a big fuss of her for now doing well.

I might see if there's a little something in the shops that big schoolboys get and can take to school. A watch of his own? It's easier for girls because there are hairbobbles and stuff I could lend - but boys don't have much "on their person"!

I'm going to go to see the teachers tomorrow too and try to find a friend we can all pair him up with.

When my dd1 was having similar trouble settling in to school I got her a worry doll. Then at night when I was putting her to bed she would whisper her worries to the little doll. Of course I was listening in and it gave me a good handle on what was bothering her.
The playground thing was an issue. She was having problems with one girl who was deciding who could and couldn't play.
I made a big effort to help her make friends with another girl who was sort of feeling left out too.
We made a plan that she would find this girl in the playground and I gave her some ideas of games they could play. Once she had a plan in her head she was more settled as she knew what to do at lunchtime.
I know when they are older they have to choose their own friends but at this age it helps to have a buddy, even if it doesn't turn into a long friendship.
I think the playdate is a good idea so he will have someone to look out for in the playground. Do you know any other moms?
I think the packed lunch idea is good too'

MouseSquirrelMum To bold name.

I found that one or two weeks after term starts for the smaller kids there would be battles at the class door to get some of them to go. Not sure why, but they'd be fine for a short while, hate the place with a vengeance, then settle down again.

sorry put the name between 2 *'s

Thanks everyone.
unravellingthemystery, part of the problem is definitely that I don't know any mums because we're using the breakfast club and DS's only previous friend isn't in his class. I'm hoping that tomorrow morning when I speak to the teachers I can also find a mother of someone in his class to make friends (for him and me!)
I've also bought a kids watch at lunchtime - something "grown up" that he can have with him "from me", I'll give that a try, plus loads of positive attention and some sleep and see what happens. If that's not enough, we'll try the packed lunch option...
I feel a bit better now for all the support and advice